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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not like my brother sleeping on the sofa?

115 replies

LotusInspired · 08/02/2020 05:11

A bit of background...I just moved out of my Mums as I bought my own house about 4 months ago and I have a dear older brother who visits me occasionally and sleeps over for a night or two when he does.

So basically, I have a guest room done up with fresh beddings and my daughter even insisted on showing him before she went to sleep (hint hint)

I also told him that the bed was nice and comfy (hint hint hint) but he still chose to sleep on the sofa again. 🙄

Btw The culture we come from is all focussed on respect for your older ones and so if I blatantly told him I worried it might bruise his ego as he might feel I’m bossing him around cos it’s my house.

I’m not angry but really don’t get it...I’m not being precious about my new sofa but he is a really big guy and my daughter wakes up really early and he doesn’t. I would want her to see his morning wood and ask what’s that 😕

Is it one of those things that I should just ignore?

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 08/02/2020 05:34

Your house, your rules. If he wants to stay, he sleeps where you ask him to. I wouldn’t want a sweaty man sleeping on my sofa either. You need to be blunt.

He’s arrogant and rude to do otherwise.

Azure83 · 08/02/2020 05:35

You're worried about bruising a grown man's ego rather than the comfort of your daughter in her own house? He's a guest in your house, unless he has mobility issues and can't get up the stairs, he doesn't get to choose where he sleeps!

LolaSmiles · 08/02/2020 05:40

He uses the guest bedroom. It's as simple as that.
Why is his ego more important? He doesn't get to dictate the living room is quiet because he feels like sleeping in the sofa (because that's essentially the conditions he creates).

Bezalelle · 08/02/2020 05:56

Stop hinting and TELL him he needs to sleep in the bed. No need to pussyfoot around.

Thinkingaboutsummer2020 · 08/02/2020 05:59

Is he sleeping naked on there? Why would tour daughter see his penis? Confused

Didshereally · 08/02/2020 06:48

He'll ruin your sofa sleeping on it. People get sweaty when they sleep and sofas aren't designed for sleeping on. Just say 'no more sleeping on my sofa, if you stay over you sleep in our guest bed or you go home. We don't want bad habits in our home.'

Sharonthetotallyinsane · 08/02/2020 06:50

Get him told.

Didshereally · 08/02/2020 06:52

Also, why would you think it is wrong to boss him around in your own house? So what? It's hardly bossing to say you can't sleep on our sofa. If he's still there get up early and turn all the lights on and TV on and tell him to get up and get dressed, why would you be scared of waking your selfish DBro in your own home?

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 08/02/2020 06:53

The situation won't change if you don't tell him he needs to sleep in the bed. If you aren't prepared to tell him then you need to just put up with it.

user1493413286 · 08/02/2020 06:57

Couldn’t you say to him I’ve made up the bed for you without it being rude?

Elbeagle · 08/02/2020 06:58

I don’t get the ‘morning wood’ thing... is he sleeping naked with no covers?!
Also don’t understand the ‘hinting’ about the bedroom... didn’t you just say ‘this is the spare room where you’ll be sleeping’? Maybe he thinks he’s not allowed to sleep in there as you didn’t offer it to him?

AlwaysCheddar · 08/02/2020 08:02

Over your dd to jump on him early and watch the most annoying kids programme loudly on tv!

Urkiddingright · 08/02/2020 08:04

The morning wood remark was really weird, is he sleeping semi naked without a blanket?

Having said that, it is odd he would take a sofa over a comfortable bed.

MaryShelley1818 · 08/02/2020 08:19

I can't get past the "morning wood" comment, that's a really weird thing to say. Is your brother sleeping naked and exposing his penis to your daughter? If so you have much bigger concerns than your sofa and I wouldn't have him in the house again.

Grobagsforever · 08/02/2020 08:21

Seriously weird post

LotusInspired · 08/02/2020 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elbeagle · 08/02/2020 09:40

but these things happen

What things happen?

BumbleBree · 08/02/2020 09:41

I don’t get it. The morning wood thing. What? How do these things happen, does he sleep strip in the night?!

billy1966 · 08/02/2020 09:41

Well OP, if you are not prepared to make it happen by spelling it out to him, it won't.

It would annoy me too.
He's selfishly taking up the main living space.

Didge01 · 08/02/2020 09:43

I love it when my brother sleeps on my sofa, just saying!

SuddenArborealStop · 08/02/2020 09:44

I only voted yabu at the totally unnecessary mention of his penis. You want him to sleep in the bed, tell him to sleep in the bed. Obsessing about your brothers penis is just odd.

Sonichu · 08/02/2020 09:44

🎣

Cherrysoup · 08/02/2020 09:45

Stop letting him stay over and stop playing into the misogyny of the ‘must be polite to your elders’. He’s your brother in YOUR house. House rule-guests go in the spare room, they don’t piss off the owner of the house by insisting sleeping in the living room. I’d be getting my dd to go down and put on the tv at full volume. He’ll ruin your new sofa.

Ginfordinner · 08/02/2020 09:50

You need to tell him not to sleep on the sofa.
It isn't suitable or designed to be slept on.
Stop tiptoeing around his ego.

If he doesn't get up early then encourage everyone else in the house to go into the front room, put the TV on and make as much noise as possible as soon as they wake up.

You need to be more assertive.

CalmdownJanet · 08/02/2020 09:55

Bruise his ego? Lamb of god will you being so dramatic, stop hinting ffs. "Are you staying over? Great, you'll need to sleep in the guest room not on the couch like last time though", it's literally that simple, dull down the drama, tell him, if he doesn't like then say " No worries, you can call for a few hours and head home after so" though I doubt he will gave any issue so don't expect you'll need to say it