AIBU to not like my brother sleeping on the sofa?

[LotusInspired]

A bit of background...I just moved out of my Mums as I bought my own house about 4 months ago and I have a dear older brother who visits me occasionally and sleeps over for a night or two when he does.

So basically, I have a guest room done up with fresh beddings and my daughter even insisted on showing him before she went to sleep (hint hint)

I also told him that the bed was nice and comfy (hint hint hint) but he still chose to sleep on the sofa again. 🙄

Btw The culture we come from is all focussed on respect for your older ones and so if I blatantly told him I worried it might bruise his ego as he might feel I’m bossing him around cos it’s my house.

I’m not angry but really don’t get it...I’m not being precious about my new sofa but he is a really big guy and my daughter wakes up really early and he doesn’t. I would want her to see his morning wood and ask what’s that 😕

Is it one of those things that I should just ignore?

Presumably he has a cover over him, doesn't just lie down in his clothes and sleep with head on cushion. Surely he would be discreet if your daughter was up anyway, he's a grown man.

You could gently suggest that it would be more comfortable for him in the spare room and it has been made up for him, I doubt he would feel miffed by that.

I do wonder if he just crashes out in front of the TV - I have done that myself as has my late husband but we usually woke at some stage and went to bed.

If he insists he really likes sleeping on the sofa, give him a pillow or two, a sheet to go under him and duvet or blanket to cover. If you have a screen suggest he puts that in front of sofa before sleeping because your daughter will probably come in while he's sleeping in the morning.

I do think it would be best if he went up to spare room though. It makes sense.

Tricky this one. Please let us know how you get on.

In what culture can you never possibly tell your brother not to sleep on your sofa but you are fine casually discussing his cock?

This! ^^

Why hint, for goodness sake? Why not just tell him that the guest room is his?

And for goodness sake, if his ego is bruised by being asked to sleep in a bed rather than on a sofa, it's about time he developed a tougher ego.

Why should OP make "gentle suggestions", Bluerussian? What is wrong with telling him that they don't want him sleeping on the sofa, full stop?

Stop hinting, just tell him "I've made the guest room comfortable for you" & make sure he uses it!

Your house, your rules ... & yes, even YOUR culture.

Congratulations on your new home!
Please start as you mean to go on.
Otherwise your brother's delicate ego might cause him to imagine he's in charge in YOUR house.

& if he feels bossed around because it's your house ... well, that's tough & he needs to get over himself.
Please give yourself the gift of learning how to clearly state your needs & wants. (see link)
I don't want to be glib, as clearly I don't understand all the nuances of your culture - but I DO understand how it feels to be raised unable to express your own wishes & have them heard, & how pervasive the expectation of suppressing your own feelings because someone's else's are deemed more important.
Don't be that woman any more, Lotus. (See link.)
Being told to sleep in the guest bed is NOT a big ask. Just say so.
You're also allowed to tell your brother that your sofa is your pride & joy & you prefer him to sleep upstairs.

www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

His morning wood? Hmmmm.

I can't get over you discussing your brother's cock on a public forum. But you can't tell him to sleep in the guest room. 1/10

Oulu Sat 08-Feb-20 11:02:20
Why should OP make "gentle suggestions", Bluerussian? What is wrong with telling him that they don't want him sleeping on the sofa, full stop?
........
Nothing at all Oulu, that's what I would do but the op seemed to have reasons for being less upfront about it so I tried to be helpful :-).
It's all very odd to me. I don't understand why someone would want to sleep on a sofa if a nice room was there for him.
Takes all sorts.

Oh, ffs all. Back off!
It's perfectly clear what the OP means. It is not weird or unreasonable for the OP not to want her young daughter to bounce into the sitting room first thing in the morning and quite possibly be faced with her uncle spread out on the sofa with the covers thrown back, in his full glory. Or, even if he wears pyjamas/boxers, when he gets up, it could be obvious.
The reference to him being a big man was, I interpreted, about him really being too large to fit on the sofa properly.
OP, YWNBU at all to tell your brother to sleep in the guest room. And if he thinks you're being bossy "because it's your house," then he'd be right. It IS your house and those are your rules.

Sod his ego and just tell him that he is welcome to stay in the guest room but sleeping on the sofa doesn't work for you.

"Ds is can I sleep over sat night?"

"Yes of course but only if you use the bed"

It is OK to slightly bruise a man's ego. The world will not end. He will get over it.

Funny how men never seem to worry about people thinking them bossy.

In what culture can you never possibly tell your brother not to sleep on your sofa but you are fine casually discussing his cock?

This wins the, frankly weird, thread.

Presuming you’re offering a proper pillow and at least a throw for him on the sofa? Well those need to find another secret home elsewhere.

Make that sofa as undesirable as possible. And the room needs to be used normally from early morning. It’d be ‘up & at ‘em’ at my house from 6.45am. Throw on the radio, dishwasher and kettle. Normal level voices, bit of a singalong if you like. Anyone who wants a sleep-in better be in a bedroom, hey?

Never mind whatever your daughter can see or not.

You end up tip toeing around your house because he's sleeping in the living room.
Tell him it's the bedroom or he's out. The living room is not for sleeping.

Wait... is it for watching TV late or something?
Ask him what his reason is.

Just take him upstairs next time and say "I'll just show you where you're sleeping". If you don't tell him firmly, you'll be allowing him to still sleep on the sofa.

Perhaps he's trying to save you having to wash sheets.

Wait... is it for watching TV late or something? Ask him what his reason is.

Yes, I was going to suggest asking him too. Does he just fall asleep fully dressed or does he actively prepare to go to bed on the sofa?

Unless she's seriously weird, I'm guessing OP mentioned her brother's morning wood as she's had to deal with the awkwardness of seeing it herself. If it's not that, then it's a seriously odd thing to say about your brother.

And the posters feigning ignorance as to how an erection would be visible through clothes (with the 'oh, is he sleeping naked?' comments) are also ridiculous- I'm a lesbian and even I know that an erect penis can be visible through clothes.

'Reported ' How old are you ?🙄

I don't think it's in the least disrespectful to say you've made the guest room up for him to sleep in, put his bags in it when he arrives and let him know you don't have guests sleeping on the sofa. It's an odd plave to sleep when there's a guest room anyway.

Oh for heaven’s sake, just tell him to use the bed! How could that possibly bruise his ego? You need to grow up and learn to assert your boundaries in your own home. It doesn’t matter what culture you come from, you don’t want it happening so there’s only one way to stop it - tell him!

Being polite and respectful doesn't mean you never say anything and just "hint hint"🙄

@CallmeAngelina agreed, very well put. Things can get blown out of proportion