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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not like my brother sleeping on the sofa?

115 replies

LotusInspired · 08/02/2020 05:11

A bit of background...I just moved out of my Mums as I bought my own house about 4 months ago and I have a dear older brother who visits me occasionally and sleeps over for a night or two when he does.

So basically, I have a guest room done up with fresh beddings and my daughter even insisted on showing him before she went to sleep (hint hint)

I also told him that the bed was nice and comfy (hint hint hint) but he still chose to sleep on the sofa again. 🙄

Btw The culture we come from is all focussed on respect for your older ones and so if I blatantly told him I worried it might bruise his ego as he might feel I’m bossing him around cos it’s my house.

I’m not angry but really don’t get it...I’m not being precious about my new sofa but he is a really big guy and my daughter wakes up really early and he doesn’t. I would want her to see his morning wood and ask what’s that 😕

Is it one of those things that I should just ignore?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 08/02/2020 13:51

How does a man's ego get bruised by being told to sleep in the guest bedroom?
Ego bruising is about feeling less important.
How exactly is a guest bedroom made up for you making you feel less valued than kipping on a sofa?

BecauseReasons · 08/02/2020 13:55

Did you at any point indicate that he was expected to sleep in the guest room? Did you say, 'The bed on the guest room is really nice so you'll be comfortable in there' or did you just brag about your guest room? Some folk really don't get hints. Tell him where to sleep so he knows.

ConstanceSalinger · 08/02/2020 15:43

I voted YABU. If you are old enough to move out and have a child of your own you are old enough to know that respect is earned, not assigned by the order of your birth. Tell your brother that he cannot stay if you don't want him to. Why is he even there?

What are you teaching your daughter here exactly?

GrumpyHoonMain · 08/02/2020 15:52

In all of the respect your elders cultures I know the older sibling would have backhanded you by now for not asking him to sleep in the bed!

independentfriend · 08/02/2020 16:05

Wondering if he thinks he's being less trouble for you by sleeping on the sofa and not messing up the bed / that the guest room is for 'guests' and not 'family' and has to be kept 'nice'.

If it might be something like that, I think it's OK to tell him it's actually easier for you if he sleeps in the bedroom. It's also OK to let/encourage your daughter to get up as early as you'd normally allow and to make her usual amount of noise.

Original poster
LotusInspired · 08/02/2020 16:24

Hi guys Yes, I told hind directly!
So maybe it wasn’t actually a hint!

My daughter took him there like uncle here is where you should sleep and this is t even the first time but No he has been on the sofa all night and all day.

I give up anything further might make him feel uncomfortable and he is my half sibling btw.

He ended up sleeping on the couch and I am really not understanding how a sofa is more comfortable than the guest room and he obviously thinks he is being less of an inconvenience.

I just wanted to know what the general public thought as I was getting confused and thinking I was missing something. Thanks for your comments.

OP posts:
ConstanceSalinger · 08/02/2020 16:31

What's wrong with making him feel uncomfortable?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/02/2020 16:43

'Can you sleep in the guest room tonight because you're making the sofa sag in the middle/DD likes getting up early, thanks'

How hard is it? not his morning glory 😱

messolini9 · 08/02/2020 16:59

I give up anything further might make him feel uncomfortable and he is my half sibling btw.

Why are you giving up?
It doesn't matter if he's your full sibling, cousin, or the President of the Board of Trade.
Just open your mouth & say the entirely reasonable & non-discomfort-causing words:
"I do not want you to sleep on the sofa. You will be sleeping in the guest room tonight."

Job done.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 17:12

I give up anything further might make him feel uncomfortable

In other words, it was a waste of our time because you are determined to still be a doormat for a selfish, rude and disrespectful man, just because by the lottery of birth, he is older than you, and a male.

Great. So why did you bother coming here to ask us? Confused

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 17:17

Grow up,if s put your big girl pants on, and have some self-respect, and take charge of your own home! Think of the bad example you are setting your daughter. An archaic culture that needs to die out quickly (the culture, not the people) is more important than self respect. That she is worth nothing because of her gender and even if she is, a respectful and decent woman is worth less than a rude older prick.

Get a reality check and think about what your caving in is telling your daughter. If that what put some sense into you, nothing will! This is 2020. Break the cycle for your daughter.

HeadachesByTheDozen · 08/02/2020 17:18

*Grow up,if s
should be
Grow up and

Bouncebacker · 08/02/2020 17:19

Not unreasonable! I hate people sleeping on my sofa!

Ginfordinner · 08/02/2020 17:21

Or stop letting him stay.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2020 17:28

You kinda lost me at the penis thing too op, I've never once worried or even thought about seeing their penises, I can't imagine the thought would cross my mind for a brother, and I've never met a man who can't cover him self up appropriately,

Is there more to this? Sleeping on the sofa when a perfectly good bed is odd, as is thinking about his genitalia really.

It's your house, tell him to sleep in the room. End of.

Original poster
LotusInspired · 08/02/2020 17:59

Thanks for the comments I really needed some of those although some are really harsh ...take it easy Mumsnetters Confused

Anyways, I’ve told him again and my daughter chided in just at the right time that I had actually told him yesterday and she wasn’t able to practice her piano early in the morning cos he was asleep and kept saying she should wait till 12 Angry

The countdown begins... Brew

OP posts:
PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/02/2020 20:01

Well when you are ready to go to bed just say "don't forget I've made the bed up in the guest room for you".

Be firm, OP, for your dd's sake if not yours.

Iooselipssinkships · 08/02/2020 20:25

If it was my brother I'd be saying 'sleeping in the fucking spare room or don't come at all arseface'
Why are you relying your daughter to coax him in there? It's just odd. I understand there's cultural differences and you're afraid to upset him but on this occasion, culture or not, it involves your daughter and your worries of his beacon erection.
And how do you know the size of his willy? I'm quite glad to say I don't know the size of my brother's appendage. Weird. Bit skeeved out

EmpressLangClegInChair · 08/02/2020 21:14

Anyways, I’ve told him again and my daughter chided in just at the right time that I had actually told him yesterday and she wasn’t able to practice her piano early in the morning cos he was asleep and kept saying she should wait till 12

And what did he say?

Wanteddownunder · 08/02/2020 21:18

Get her to practice her piano when she wakes. That should do the trick

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 08/02/2020 21:19

And how do you know the size of his willy? I'm quite glad to say I don't know the size of my brother's appendage. Weird. Bit skeeved out

Does she actually mention the size of his willy? I can't find that but if she does it's very very weird...

Ginfordinner · 08/02/2020 21:19

So, next time he stays make sure your daughter gets up good and early and does her piano practice.

CSIblonde · 08/02/2020 21:20

People never get hints IME. They usually sail right over their head. Your house your rules. The world won't cave in if you are assertive you know! The more you are, the easier it gets. Tell him he's ruining the sofa if he gets arsey tonight.

Lweji · 08/02/2020 21:23

she wasn’t able to practice her piano early in the morning cos he was asleep and kept saying she should wait till 12

Not only he is monopolising your living room, but also your house till 12?
Put your child on the piano all morning.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/02/2020 23:26

Does she actually mention the size of his willy?

I think PPs misconstrued OP's words because she said he was 'a really big guy' Grin