... to try and stop my DD from turning vegan?

[ack89]

My DD recently turned 14 and has decided she wants to become vegan. I want to be supportive of her as she wants to do it for ethical reasons however I don't think I can do it. Both me and DH are meat eaters and terrible cooks so I don't think it would be possible to buy and prepare completely separate food for my DD, I also don't think we would be able to afford 2 separate weekly shops. I have told her we could support being a vegatarian but she doesn't think thats good enough. AIBU?

Everyone shouting about she needs to understand about healthy eating and nutrition, she needs that basis no matter what her diet is! Considering OP says herself she and her DH are rubbish cooks the DD switching to Veganism and doing all the research might end up with her having a healthier diet than the rest of her family anyway. Having a veggie chilli chock full of vegetables and lentils is a million times more healthy than sausages and cauliflower cheese!

I do however agree with a slow transition. For full disclaimer I eat a vegan diet (I’m not a through and through vegan) and was a good cook who enjoyed cooking when I started the transition and it took time to relearn how to cook in some ways. Now I can throw stuff together as easily as I used to with meat - my DC don’t want to be vegan so they have different dietary requirement to me, I don’t make them make all their own meals (they’re a lot younger!) so we eat vegan the vast majority of the time but sometimes they get some meat on the side or fish or have a cheese sandwich or quesadilla - it’s not hard for me to do this for them, so it’s not hard the other way round

Nutrition will be a different kettle of fish for a vegan. That’s why I read up on it when I became a veggie.

Make sure she understands that it isn't a nutritionally complete diet unless she supplements with certain vitamins & minerals such as B12. Especially not the way a teenage will approach it. Vegan society website should convince her this is true

what are her ethical reasons for becoming a vegan? If its the slaughter or treatment of animals then she should be aware that no food can be produced without animals dying whether its cows at the abattoir or small mammals during ploughing/harvesting the fields, blood and bone meal for fertilising soil. From a climate point of view there is a lot of misinformation regarding farming, factory farming is bad for the environment but traditional farming with 100% pasture is actually helpful and reduces the climate impact. It is possible to eat meat more ethically and environmentally friendly, its also much more nutritious so you eat less, it is however considerably more expensive. I would discuss her reasons further and if she still wanted to go ahead I would do as pp suggested and give her a budget and ask her to prepare a meal plan.

I became vegetarian partly for animal welfare reasons, but equally to get me out of having to eat the crud that was provided at home.

The opportunity to cook for myself - which I did at my own expense as I was 15 and earned £15 a week on Saturdays - was worth it.

I had Marmite on Toast or Beans on Toast for breakfast (no additional cost there, so I didn't have to pay for it), a jacket potato at school - if I had anything - (no additional cost there) - and then something I'd bought in the evening if what she wanted wasn't suitable/I hated anyway.

My vegetable consumption rocketed and I would try lots of different grains and flavours that way, as there were a couple of health food stores in town where I'd try something and get advice or ideas for things to try. Add to that a friend who was of Pakistani heritage who cooked for all her family whilst her parents were working and I learned very quickly how to feed myself cheaply, healthily and without meat.

The greatest effort my mother had to make was checking for a suitable for vegetarians symbol on the front of a packet of cheese or yoghurt. To be vegan is probably easier now than vegetarianism was then, as the vegan items are all over the place and clearly labelled.

I kind of agree that if your doing it for animal rights reasons you should be vegan not vege but then I believe humans are omnivores so we are designed to eat meat.

I was watching a program on vegan cookery this morning and tbh, the food looked yummy. More tricky and complicated to cook, but she will have to learn, won't she? Buy her a vegan cookery book.

As PP have said, it can be a very healthy choice to make but a 14-year-old is still growing and she will need to plan her meals with care. It’s not going to be compatible with snacking/being a faddy eater. I’d encourage her to research nutrition, take charge of some meal planning and cooking and help come up with meals you can all enjoy - dead easy to start are pasta pots that are basically vegan and to which people can add, separately, cheese, meat etc to their individual tastes. Home-made pizzas are another. You might also want to help her think more widely about choices such as wearing leather/toiletries and cosmetics etc.

if this lasts past the 'you need to get off your arse and plan/budget/help cook' conversation I'll be impressed.

and yes, as a member of species homo sapiens she does need supplements to be a vegan without dying. Not a problem but she's going to have to think very hard about all that she eats.

I do think that overall YABU to try and stop her. If you and DH are terrible cooks, this is the perfect opportunity to turn over a new leaf.

I went vegan aged 16 in the midst of an eating disorder. I started eating dairy and fish a decade later as I think I just about started to get over it then. It's odd to look back at it now, but it was definitely part of a control thing as I loved crispy chicken and goats cheese and omelettes

I now eat 70% vegan but will usually go fish or veggie if dining out, and will have fish after the gym, so a couple of times a week.

in our house, we have DH long term vegetarian, DD1(17) doesn’t eat meat (she hasn’t labelled herself as vegetarian), DD2 total omnivore - meat is her favourite part of a meal. And me, likes some meat, fish, but also enjoys a veggie meal.
On good days I cook a meal that works for us all. Eg Fajitas. Or cook a veggie and meat version of same meal, eg curry. Cook Big Veggie curry, Split in 2, add meal to one half.
But what I mainly do is cook in bulk and freeze. So when I’m cooking veggie I will defrost a chicken curry or Chile con carne, Shepard’s pie, etc and when I’m cooking meat I defrost a veggie option.
My DDs are 17 and 15. DD1 is a great cook, and when she gets time will prepare gorgeous food for all of us. DD2 very busy with hobbies and school, can cook but can’t be bothered. As a result she has to eat what is put in front of her!!
Works for our house, bit of a pain at times for sure. But very workable.

Oh and do watch for eating disorder.

Make sure she is not just calorie restricting. Vegan meals tend to be low in calories, bump up calories with nut butters and coconut milk, etc. Make sure she gets sufficient calories for her age.

Although she says vegetarianism isn't good enough, would she just do that to start with so that you can transition slowly and it's much easier to accommodate with meals for the rest of the family.

If she likes meat you could look into non-meat alternatives that you could eg use in curries or you can get vegan sausages and burgers and then everyone can eat them.

I think a vegan diet is very difficult to follow if you are not all following it, but it's easy to do meals without meat and the odd plant based meal.

I'd try to get her to see that it doesn't have to be big bang and it can be done gradually and as a family. Also non-dairy alternatives are expensive eg oat milk £1.80, organic dairy milk £1.20 so it's not unreasonable to say that needs to be taken into account. Of course cutting out meat saves money, but that's vegetarian, not vegan.

I guess with a lot of people the desire to be vegan stops when they realise they can't have chocolate or cakes and the alternatives cost three times as much.

If you and DH are terrible cooks, this is the perfect opportunity to turn over a new leaf Isn't it something you either have a talent for or you don't?

Cologne nope, I’m a reformed non-cook. It was going veggie and living with a good cook that extended my repertoire beyond ‘things on toast’

Why do you think that vegans can't have chocolate or cakes cologne4711?
We aren't vegan but my son is allergic to both dairy and eggs and there's no difficulty with either in my experience. A small bar of dairy free chocolate costs less than 50p in Tesco. I don't think that is significantly more than a dairy containing bar is it?
And whilst it is a very long time since I have baked non vegan cake so I can't do a direct cost comparison, I don't think the ingredients cost any more than a regular cake. Or if they do, it's marginal. Baking without dairy and eggs really isn't that difficult.

Also non-dairy alternatives are expensive eg oat milk £1.80, organic dairy milk £1.20

Soya milk unsweetened litre carton 85p
So cheaper than the dairy equivalent

Bloody annoyibg when these teen girls get on these fads. I wouldn't let mine.

I was really proud when my 15 year old son decided he wasn’t going to eat meat any more, he was thinking for himself and developing his own ethical code. It wasn’t a fad as he went vegan 10 years later, a decade or so before it became more mainstream so it was bloody hard for him. I’m glad I wasn’t the mother who dismissed it as a fad and wouldn’t “let him” have principles.

Isn't it something you either have a talent for or you don't?

There is also you either love it and enjoy the process or you hate it and only eat cos you have too

nope, I’m a reformed non-cook. It was going veggie and living with a good cook that extended my repertoire beyond ‘things on toast’
dp has taught me things like spag bol and basic meals in general, do i have any interest to learn more? No
Im happy with whatever on toast
Cooking is tedious

I only like cooking because I really like eating lovely food.

People are worrying about nutrition, but as neither the OP and her husband can cook, it's somewhat likely that the family's diet is pretty poor nutritionally anyway. Learning to cook meals containing fresh vegetables, beans and pulses from scratch will vastly improve matters.

I'm sure vegans love being told their diet is faddy and unhealthy by non-cook meat eaters, as they put their Tesco lasagne and chips in the oven.

Well yes but if your ordinary diet isn’t great then perhaps the risk is substituting one bad thing for another? Like when people try to go veggie and just buy ready made high fat foods or live off chips and beans.

Vegan issue aside I think this is a great opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship with your teenage daughter. 14 year olds can be difficult to communicate with and here is yours coming to you to request something and they need your help with it.

Option 1: you say no.
OUTCOME: Battle ensues and relationship suffers. Daughter feels she's been treated as a little child.

Option 2: you say yes but you are on your own with cooking.
OUTCOME: Daughter likely to fail or get ill in the medium term. Daughter feels like a failure and doesn't learn much from this. No doubt parent gets blamed.

Option 3: say ok, you want to be vegan. Can we learn about this together. Can we have a phased approach as it's tricky to achieve overnight. Can we come up with some meal plans that we can all eat. Can we plan what you can cook for everyone. Can we adapt some of our existing meals to suit everyone.
OUTCOME: everyone is happy and supported and you and daughter have worked on something together. It may or may not last but it'll be a positive trial period at least.

I became vegetarian when I was 13, my mum tried to dissuade me by telling me to cook my own meals. I'm still vegetarian 29 years later. Being strictly vegan can be a lot of work and a big change, I would suggest try vegetarian for 6 months while getting used to reading labels, cooking and balancing meals. There are animal products in some things you might not expect for example some quorn products contain egg. Also how far does she intend to take it? Will she wear leather, make sure all toiletries are cruelty free? Eat honey or cochineal? She is too young but beer and wine can also have animal products.

Maybe check out eventbrite or local sites to see if there are any vegan cookery classes around. Handy to learn a few good basics.