Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to try and stop my DD from turning vegan?

127 replies

ack89 · 07/02/2020 23:50

My DD recently turned 14 and has decided she wants to become vegan. I want to be supportive of her as she wants to do it for ethical reasons however I don't think I can do it. Both me and DH are meat eaters and terrible cooks so I don't think it would be possible to buy and prepare completely separate food for my DD, I also don't think we would be able to afford 2 separate weekly shops. I have told her we could support being a vegatarian but she doesn't think thats good enough. AIBU?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/02/2020 09:27

I’d have no issue with this, not eating meat means cheaper shopping and it’s not hard to cook two different meals,

It may be a fad but I’d be supporting her choice whilst she works out of its for her.

Children should be supported in making their own choices, I disagree with the stance of fine but you do it all yourself re cooking.

Luckystar777 · 08/02/2020 09:38

Yanbu, I couldn't go without meat. That soy and corn stuff is shit.

veganhelp · 08/02/2020 09:44

I’ve gone vegan with my DD is that not an option ? Smile

whiteroseredrose · 08/02/2020 09:48

Vegan cooking is no more of a faff than any other cooking. You're just swapping one ingredient for another.

If you're making a curry use a can of chickpeas and frozen spinach rather than chicken.

Make a chilli with peppers, courgette and kidney beans. Using soya mince isn't necessary.

Bolognese or shepherd's pie substitute cooked lentils instead of minced beef.

For lasagne, as above but use vegan margarine and soya milk for the white sauce.

If the family are having beef or lamb stew you can use a similar base but add cannelloni beans instead of the beef.

For a roast meal roast the potatoes separately in oil and do vegan sausages too.

If the worst comes to the worst a baked potato with baked beans and veg or salad is a good simple meal.

Of course there are faffy vegan meals in the same way that there are faffy meat meals. Just choose the simple ones!

In terms of expense all of the above are cheaper than the meat equivalent. The cost only rises if you use fake meat products.

If your DD is happy to eat differently rather than eat meat substitutes then you should cut your weekly food bill.

motherheroic · 08/02/2020 09:49

Where did the OP say that her daughter wanted the whole family to go vegan? People always adding their own narrative instead of just answering the question asked.

FizzyIce · 08/02/2020 09:58

My ds has been vegan for a year and a bit and while I accept his reasoning (also ethical) it’s fucking annoying .
He’s recently moved back from uni and started a full time job so I have been making his food just while he gets settled in and I’m using so many more pans which means more washing up , spending more money finding ‘alternatives’ and dh is moaning non stop about it as shopping takes ages now I have to read most ingredients if things aren’t labelled obviously as Vegan (although the labelling is getting better).
Ds said though that he will write a list so I know exactly what to get but he’ll also give us money towards that anyway.
I’m actually quite a good cook (I think) but even I’m struggling with some meals

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/02/2020 10:11

Can I ask the obvious. Does your DD like vegetables? DS2 who is younger mentioned going vegetarian at one point and I said fine (I have been veggie in the past now pescatarian and I don’t eat much dairy ) but I pointed out that to have a balanced diet he needed to eat veg, beans etc. I still cook him some veggie meals each week as we are not big meat eaters.
Going vegan effectively needs a varied diet. Being vegan on a diet of chips, peas and vegan sausages isn’t really any better than not going vegan.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/02/2020 10:47

Have you asked her "Why" she wants to be?
Is it a Veganuary that has caught her eye ?
Or is she sickened by the whole meat and dairy trade?

If the second one , then she might be more inclined to research.

And of course she'll get the arsehole comments ( believe me , I have heard many times over the years) Oh don't you miss bacon? I bet you eat it at home ? I bet you'd LOVE this chicken , mmmmm

Oh yeah, hold me back, I can barely STOP myself from leaping over the table Hmm

But don't let her be THAT vegan who berates everyone for their choice

Lordfrontpaw · 08/02/2020 10:51

My brother still asks if I want a bacon sandwich. Recycling the same joke since 1982... 🙄

dorisdog · 08/02/2020 10:51

There's so many teenage vegan cook books. Try amazon. Lots of easy cheap recipes. I was a teenage vegan - my mum was supportive, but didn't really know what to buy, so I ended up very thin!

Lentils, beans, tins of tomatoes, etc are very cheap. When I was a student I maned to eat pretty healthily on about £20 by mainly eating curries, chillies, pasta dishes that were vegan. Loads of protein in legumes. Be careful of iron and vit B12. - marmite or vegemite has it. You don't need a lot, but it is essential

Jtk123 · 08/02/2020 10:56

Vegetables are a HELL of a lot cheaper than meat. Not sure what your problem is here, you’ve obviously got a smart child, you should encourage this!

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 08/02/2020 11:06

I'd ask her to start by being vegetarian and show she can do that by meal planning, putting what she wants on the shopping list and cooking with you or for herself separately.

If she manages that for 3 months you'll support her going vegan.

Be clear you can't afford special foods ordered on the internet and imported from the other side of the world (food miles are as ethically relevant as meat/ egg/ dairy) and that she needs to plan vegan meals using vegetables not expensive highly processed meat substitutes.

Be clear you need to see that she's researched her nutritional requirements and can tell you how she'll get enough iron, protein and calcium, vitamin B12 and D3

Don't say a flat no - say show me you've really thought about how this works in practice, for you in our house, and how you're going to take full responsibility for any extra work and avoid extra cost without it impacting your health.

Smartanimal · 08/02/2020 11:20

Let her experiment with veganism but I think it is just a fashionable thing especially in the circles of young woke people. It has a lot to do with standing out of the crowd as unique and special (getting attention) and virtue signalling. Otherwise I would let her do it, also because there’s not a lot you can do about it. You can’t force her to eat something she doesn’t want.

MoonlightMistletoe · 08/02/2020 11:22

YABU

caramellasagne · 08/02/2020 11:25

Slightly different but I have a teenager with ASD and ARFID who is vegan, gluten free and soya free and who will only eat food from Waitrose .....
It’s no fun but we have managed to somehow find a balanced diet for her plus where possible she cooks for herself but with supervision

Beketaten · 08/02/2020 11:35

I went vegetarian when I was 14, and was responsible for my own meals from then on. I'd have to put on the shopping list what I wanted and cook it myself. We didn't eat meat/fish at every meal as a family, but my mum made it clear she wasn't doing separate meals for me. Still veggie now at 43, and it's easier than it's ever been!

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/02/2020 11:42

Get her to research and meal plan, perhaps you could have some days where the whole family eat the same (vegan) dish and other days where your DD eats something different. Vegan food isn’t that hard to make. Loads of delicious Indian dishes are vegan or can be made vegan. And it’s high time everyone in your home learned how to cook!

Lordfrontpaw · 08/02/2020 11:47

I’d also get her to get a book on nutrition to make sure she understands about healthy eating.

user1493494961 · 08/02/2020 11:58

At 14, surely she can plan and cook her own meals if she wants something different to you.

BigChocFrenzy · 08/02/2020 12:20

Don't try to stop her
but no need for you to have extra work or expense, or to change your own diet, unless you want to

She needs to participate in shopping.
Take her along to all your food shopping, with a budget for what replaces meat & dairy,
including Vit B12 supplements, which are pretty cheap.

She needs to work out her meal plans, preferably with you helping initially to see she eats enough protein - and lots of veg, not vegan junk food.

No need for you to pour over any labels
If she's bothered about what might be in any packaged food, then she should be responsible for reading all labels and finding what she is prepred to eat, within her budget

At 14, she should be able to cook at least those parts of the meals that are replacing meat & dairy,
or Google if she doesn't know

Alsohuman · 08/02/2020 12:31

If a vegan way of eating is a fad, it’s a very long lived one. My son’s been vegan for 20 years after ten years of being vegetarian. It’s an absolute joy to him that at last he can eat things like cake and ice cream after years without them.

BronteSisters · 08/02/2020 12:56

As everyone says, she's old enough to cook her own dinners. You can buy lots of cheap animal product free foods. Specifically made vegan processed foods however are well out of my budget so if my own daughter wanted faux sausages or fake bacon at twice the price of real then I'm afraid she would need to finance this herself with a PT job.
I would say it is time (I don't have the time to make separate meals) and budget dependant. I personally hate "spreads" in place of butter (seriously, it's one small process away from being classed as a plastic!) so would not be happy to change what the family eats or double my grocery bill. OP, if you can encourage a vegetarian diet that's great but I'm afraid vegan is a much more expensive choice your daughter may need to be able to partially fund herself if you can't afford it.

A truly vegan lifestyle is no animal products. At all. That's means possibly changing family laundry detergents, fabric conditioners, washing up liquid, shampoos and soaps to more expensive eco-friendly animal product free ones. Can you afford to? And just as importantly, do you WANT to?

squeekums · 08/02/2020 13:07

A truly vegan lifestyle is no animal products. At all. That's means possibly changing family laundry detergents, fabric conditioners, washing up liquid, shampoos and soaps to more expensive eco-friendly animal product free ones. Can you afford to? And just as importantly, do you WANT to?

Exactly.
Do you have leather seats in your car? Your house?
Then hobbies even, In our house we would have the issue of fishing, DP loves it, not really compatible with a vegan lifestyle. Not sure how a vegan would feel watching a fish gutted in the sink lol
In some extreme cases even pets are bad.
Broken down, being full, textbook vegan, it is way more than just food

Goldenbear · 08/02/2020 13:18

My son has had a vegan diet for about 6 months now, I have been buying the veggie sausages that aren't made of soy and making casseroles for the whole family, everyone likes the dish because of the other ingredients that add to it like the herbs and seasoning. I've found it to be cheaper but my husband and I do still eat the occasional chicken/fish. Certainly, food like the vegan spinach stuffed pasta from Waitrose is pricey as my son is nearly 13 and can eat the whole packet so £3 for one but I suppose £10 a night five nights a week is what I budget for anyway. The weekends can be more as more likely to go to a vegan cafe or get a takeaway.

Fannia · 08/02/2020 13:38

We aren't vegan as a family but if my dd wanted to become a vegan for animal welfare or environmental reasons I would be quite proud of her for thinking about these important issues and being willing to take actions that she believes in. That's what I want her to do, while still having some tolerance for others beliefs and considering other points of view.

Swipe left for the next trending thread