... to try and stop my DD from turning vegan?

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My DD recently turned 14 and has decided she wants to become vegan. I want to be supportive of her as she wants to do it for ethical reasons however I don't think I can do it. Both me and DH are meat eaters and terrible cooks so I don't think it would be possible to buy and prepare completely separate food for my DD, I also don't think we would be able to afford 2 separate weekly shops. I have told her we could support being a vegatarian but she doesn't think thats good enough. AIBU?

vegan food should be cheaper so the cost shouldn’t be an issue

Well that depends whether she's going to be a beans and seasonal local vegetables vegan or the avocadoes and processed meat substitutes type.

I can imagine that the instagram version of veganism could easily cost a fortune.

The cost of replacement milk is quite high, just so you're aware. My DCs have allergies and their milk for the week costs me £15

You could look at it as a good opportunity for you all to eat less meat and learn to cook better.
Lentils and other pulses are very cheap and very good for you. They can easily be made into curries, spaghetti bol, lasagne etc alongside meat versions if you want.

I have a kid who wants to be veggie “as all her friends are”.

It’s a bloody pain in the arse as we buy local organic meat and I honestly believe a small amount of proper local meat is a far better option than soya shite.

So in have negotiated and she has agreed to eat eggs (we get them from the local farm; you can see the chickens wandering around). The fact she is eating eggs has saved my bacon so to speak.

She is ten and so I’m going with it for now. I am supplementing iron and B12 for her

I think veganism is ok for some adults but a disaster for growing kids and I wish the vegan agenda would recognise this.

gaffamate

I purchase 2 litres of soya milk for 90 pence
Not sure how much milk costs but surely it’s not that much cheaper

Bit unfair to expect her to suddenly cook all her meal isn’t it? There’s a compromise somewhere to be had

Yanbu. Any good parent would try to stop their still developing and growing child from turning vegan.

By all means involve her in buying and cooking vegan food, but at 14 she is too young to cook ALL her own food. Also, there's no such thing as terrible cooks, only people who haven't bothered to learn.

This is an opportunity for everyone in the family to learn to cook delicious vegan meals. Just supplement the rest of the family's meals with meat, if you feel the need.

But do make sure she takes appropriate supplements, especially B12.

ivy why would anyone even touch soya milk let alone drink it? Unprocessed soya in the form of tempeh is maybe ok but soya milk is highly processed shite with additives

I can understand your reluctance - and I'm a vegan myself! My husband and younger daughter are omnivores, my eldest is a vegetarian. She is a picky eater who loves her dairy though, and if she went vegan I would worry (though obviously I would support her!). There are even certain multivits she won't take because she can't stand the taste. That said, we do all eat vegan 80% of the time at home - the other meals can be customised.

You do have to take care with a vegan diet, particularly in terms of vits B12, D and iron. Calcium and protein are easier to come by if your diet is varied. I agree with others that she's old enough to do some research herself if she wants to do this. There are so many resources online these days, and community support chat groups on facebook etc.

If she wants to go vegan, she can cook herself. I went vegan (food only) for a month a few years back and it was a pain in the arse. Made me ill as well.

Bit unfair to expect her to suddenly cook all her meal isn’t it? There’s a compromise somewhere to be had

Anyone reasonable who cooks for their family will already be compromising in order to take into account people's likes, dislikes and allergies.

IMO cooking a special separate meal each day, or making the whole family fall in with one person's preference isn't a compromise - it's a capitulation.

If one of my DCs went vegan I would - very kindly - explain (among other things) why I would be unable to cook their meals.

Except that it is actually fairly easy to make a meal generally vegan and add meat to it or on the side, you hardly need to make a whole different meal

YABVU if you think that you can try and stop a teenager from doing something like this.

I'd just let her get on with it. Tell her she needs to do her fair share of the cooking and meal planning. Tell her that sometimes you wont be eating vegan along with her. Figure something out that works for everyone. It might be nice to shake up the family food routine a bit, and it will help her build some decent life skills.

at 14 she is too young to cook ALL her own food

Really? Why?

YANBU. Don’t change your cooking for her - if she wants to play at being a vegan she can organise and make her own meals. She’ll likely soon get bored of that and return to eating normally again.

Well, this is you and your DH's chance to learn the long overdue and essential adult lifeskill of being able to cook, OP.

It's very easy to cook something vegan and have the same dish but add some meat or fish yourself, if you must. I suggest you ask for help in the vegan section on MN. You'll probably find you save a lot of money on the weekly shop and become much healthier as well.

Though I have to say my parents were hopeless in the kitchen and I started to teach myself to cook fresh food at about 14 so I could eat something more interesting, and fresh rather than heated up from the freezer. Perhaps you could all learn together.

I agree with getting her to meal plan.Have a look at what you do cook. Is any of it vegan without you realising eg beans on toast?

Some vegan meals are quite easy and a 14 year old could make them. A jar of curry sauce and a pack of frozen vag, add some rice and you have a vegan meal.

Obviously you can make the sauce from scratch but if you are not into cooking then jars and tins can be useful

@ivykaty44 ah yes my DCs are allergic to dairy and soya and we need to buy the fattiest milk we can, as advised by the dietician. I also use it as still bf the youngest. It tends to cost £1.80 a carton and with drinks, cereal, using it for cooking, we tend to go through 7-8 a week.

DS2 decided to be vegan, aged 16. I said he would have to sort out his own meals from then on. My life was far too short to cook separate meals. If he didn't like what we were having then he'd have to cook for himself.

He decided against it.

Give her an allowance and tell her the same. 14 is plenty old enough to cook for herself.

She is 14 so let her get on with it. Work out what you spend on her potion of the food budget and pass this over to her so she can shop for what she is going to eat. Give her a time when she can use the kitchen to cook and won’t be in your way or have to share utensils with the meat eaters.

Give her a charity bag so she can donate any leather goods like shoes or jackets and if you have a leather sofa buy her a bean bag.

I'm sorry, but most normal 14 year olds are not suddenly going to cook nutritionally balanced meals all by themselves, every day.

Yes, she can be involved and help, but they'll need their parents' input. This is a great opportunity for the whole family to learn to cook and improve their diet. Plus/minus meat, as per individual preference. She doesn't have the skills as yet and, in any event, ought to be concentrating on her education.

Exactly what @FlowerArranger said.

It would make sense to go vegetarian first. You'd save money on your shopping because meat is expensive.

Being vegan does take some planning and research to ensue all the right vitamins and nutrients are being consumed. If she's determined to be vegan you need to go with it rather than fight it, for her health and your relationship.

Although if she's not yet vegetarian, my guess would be that she's just saying she wants to be vegan because she thinks it's fashions will annoy you.

Gaffamate I don’t think the ops dad has allergies to soya, so can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to use cheaper alternatives to cows milk

Tell her yes, fine, but she has to plan her own meals and make shopping lists (without a lot of the more expensive, out of season imported fruit and veg!) even if you do the actual shopping - and cook her meals herself.

Maybe giving her a budget to stick to would be good, too.