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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at my DH?

109 replies

MTGGamer · 07/02/2020 21:06

First time poster, long time lurked so please bear with me.

My DH has been unwell this week, to the point he has been essentially bed bound and sleeping for 5-6 days. This is the poorliest I have ever seen him (together 8 years, married 5) and I do not begrudge him this. However, the events of the last 48 hours have upset me A LOT and I need to know whether or not IBU.

Wednesday: tell DH to call GP or NHS 111 during day while I am at work. Arrive home from work with grumpy 14m old baby, he has not done this. I call, get him OOH appt and basically force him to go. Doctors recommend admitting to hospital for tests, DH refuses to wait for a bed (Not too mad at this, he was advised 6 hour wait).

Thursday: Again doesn't get out of bed all day, DS has cut new tooth so is thoroughly miserable, I am really struggling. Feel forced into the decision to have my DS have his 1st overnight away as DH won't even watch him for 10 minutes so I can shower. Cried my eyes out but sent DS to my parents.
Feel ill myself. No sleep, throwing up, generally exhausted. Cue 1am: DH comes in, lights on, tells me he's called an ambulance for himself and to get up and get dresses. Paramedics come, do tests and recommend hospital and AGAIN DH refuses to go. Both try to get some sleep, I'm working at 8am. DH comes in and wakes me at 5:30am for a cuddle and then tries to start getting frisky, less than 4 hours after paramedics and after I've had no sleep and been sick! I am annoyed, tell him no chance and try to sleep He then gets annoyed at me for ' not checking on him before I left for work ' (Which I did) and pulls the 'if you're mad, it wasn't that long ago that i had paramedics here telling me to go to hospital.' card. Which made it worse.

I have basically been doing everything this last week and, while I appreciate he is poorly, AIBU in thinking he's acted like an arsehole, not only in his treatment of me but also forcing me to make a huge decision re: DS I wasn't quite ready for and not seeming to care about my feelings? (I just got 'How are you?' with no major compassion)

OP posts:
Sparkle567 · 07/02/2020 21:13

He should of stayed at hospital the first time.

I don’t think DS staying out for the night is a huge decision though and YABU for making a huge deal of it when he’s poorly and your struggling.

He’s BU to try and get frisky after he’s had you up all night!

Winterwoollies · 07/02/2020 21:59

Among other things, I think he’s a dick for calling an ambulance and wasting the paramedics’ time by then refusing to follow their clinical advice.

heartsonacake · 07/02/2020 22:04

YABU regarding your DS staying away for the night. That’s not a big issue, it’s not something you need to be ready for (particularly when your kid is over a year old!) and it was a necessity in this situation. It couldn’t be helped and that’s not your DHs fault.

YANBU regarding being woken up with him feeling frisky, though.

Quartz2208 · 07/02/2020 22:04

Really he refused hospital called an ambulance refused to go (so what was the point) then tried sex. Wont give you 10 mins but tries it on

You should be mad he sound awful

Herefortheweaning · 07/02/2020 22:05

He sounds so childish. What a waste of an ambulance if he wasn't going to go to hospital anyway! Tell him to grow up or go to the hospital. They wouldn't want to admit him for nothing. Feel for you having to give your wee one away for an overnight because you didn't have any other choice. Hope you have a settled weekend OP

dappledsunshine · 07/02/2020 22:07

What an idiot- why did he call an ambulance then disregard the paramedics recommendations? I'd be so cross at that alone never mind the rest of his behaviour...

simplekindoflife · 07/02/2020 22:12

Oh my goodness, you are going to become very ill yourself carrying on like this!

If he's well enough for sex he certainly shouldn't be calling an ambulance!! How dare he wake you up like that when you're ill and exhausted?! He doesn't sound very ill to me...

He sounds like a nasty selfish bastard.

BottleOfJameson · 07/02/2020 22:12

Why the hell would he call an ambulance then refuse to go to hospital? How can he be well enough to get it on 4 hours later? I'd be getting annoyed too!

ffswhatnext · 07/02/2020 22:14

Why are you with this person?
And I hope you told him where he could shove the card he played.
Ill or not, there is no excuse for his atrocious behavior.

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/02/2020 22:15

Eh? Why would he call an ambulance and then not go to hospital? What did he think was going to happen? Confused He sounds a bit batshit to be honest. If my husband called an ambulance, refused to go to hospital and then was badgering me for sex when I was unwell, I'd think he'd lost his marbles.

BlokeTarget · 07/02/2020 22:15

**If he's well enough for sex he certainly shouldn't be calling an ambulance!! How dare he wake you up like that when you're ill and exhausted?! He doesn't sound very ill to me...

He sounds like a nasty selfish bastard**

definitely this. He is a total arsehole. Grade A prick.

LTB!

ffswhatnext · 07/02/2020 22:16

Would love to hear why some think the op is unreasonable.

kingkuta · 07/02/2020 22:19

What exactly is wrong with him?
He sounds crazy, like he's using an 'illness' to try and manipulate you.

Whynosnowyet · 07/02/2020 22:20

Is there anywhere you can send dh and keep the ds?

Elieza · 07/02/2020 22:44

He can’t be that ill if he refuses to go to the hospital and instead tries his chances a shag with you a few hours later.

Cheeky fucker.
If he complains again I’d take him to hospital and drop him off there until they get him a bed. If he has no means to return without you and the car he may actually stay there and finally get tests done.

What is it he’s supposed to be Ill with? Heart? Kidneys? Lazy bones?!

7yo7yo · 07/02/2020 23:21

Sounds like he’s playing in his “illness”.
Time wasting tosspot.
So he’s well enough for sex but can’t look after his child for a few minutes?
He can make his own way to hospital but calls an ambulance only to refuse the advice of the paramedics?
Daft cunt.

VisionQuest · 07/02/2020 23:36

He's hardly at deaths door if he's up for a shag.

I would have lost it at that point.

8paws8legs · 07/02/2020 23:40

I may be missing something but why did the baby need to sleep out? Could you have got him sorted for bed and showered later or let him shower with you?
Other than this though yes your husband sounds like an arse hole why ring an ambulance? what was he expecting them to say? And to be trying it on within a few hours well that just sounds like he was never even half as I'll as he made out...

Sally2791 · 07/02/2020 23:45

He’s batshit. And possibly manipulative. I don’t understand why the baby had to leave for you to shower...

PickAChew · 07/02/2020 23:47

I reckon your H is enjoying the drama.

LovingLola · 07/02/2020 23:49

Why are you married to this fool?

kittykatkitty · 07/02/2020 23:53

Why the hell would an adult call an ambulance with no intention of going to hospital?
What a complete and utter attention seeking knob

StrawberryJam200 · 07/02/2020 23:55

IME abusers/narcissists love playing the victim and saying they’re at death’s door, but then decide they know better than any medics they’ve consulted.

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 23:57

What is wrong with him?
I would remember this hen you are ill next and remind him to step up.

wantedthejob · 08/02/2020 00:03

Don't know why the child couldn't stay if you were that upset.

I wouldn't be speaking to him for the ambulance incident alone!

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