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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mad at my DH?

109 replies

MTGGamer · 07/02/2020 21:06

First time poster, long time lurked so please bear with me.

My DH has been unwell this week, to the point he has been essentially bed bound and sleeping for 5-6 days. This is the poorliest I have ever seen him (together 8 years, married 5) and I do not begrudge him this. However, the events of the last 48 hours have upset me A LOT and I need to know whether or not IBU.

Wednesday: tell DH to call GP or NHS 111 during day while I am at work. Arrive home from work with grumpy 14m old baby, he has not done this. I call, get him OOH appt and basically force him to go. Doctors recommend admitting to hospital for tests, DH refuses to wait for a bed (Not too mad at this, he was advised 6 hour wait).

Thursday: Again doesn't get out of bed all day, DS has cut new tooth so is thoroughly miserable, I am really struggling. Feel forced into the decision to have my DS have his 1st overnight away as DH won't even watch him for 10 minutes so I can shower. Cried my eyes out but sent DS to my parents.
Feel ill myself. No sleep, throwing up, generally exhausted. Cue 1am: DH comes in, lights on, tells me he's called an ambulance for himself and to get up and get dresses. Paramedics come, do tests and recommend hospital and AGAIN DH refuses to go. Both try to get some sleep, I'm working at 8am. DH comes in and wakes me at 5:30am for a cuddle and then tries to start getting frisky, less than 4 hours after paramedics and after I've had no sleep and been sick! I am annoyed, tell him no chance and try to sleep He then gets annoyed at me for ' not checking on him before I left for work ' (Which I did) and pulls the 'if you're mad, it wasn't that long ago that i had paramedics here telling me to go to hospital.' card. Which made it worse.

I have basically been doing everything this last week and, while I appreciate he is poorly, AIBU in thinking he's acted like an arsehole, not only in his treatment of me but also forcing me to make a huge decision re: DS I wasn't quite ready for and not seeming to care about my feelings? (I just got 'How are you?' with no major compassion)

OP posts:

nestisflown · 08/02/2020 11:42

*to still be listening

LettertoHermoine · 08/02/2020 11:44

I'd burst him.

RedRed9 · 08/02/2020 11:44

I am more understanding now I know what has gone on
What has gone on?

Bringringbring · 08/02/2020 11:45

The ambulance came to him, so no effort on his part.
The advice given required effort on his part - hence couldn’t be bothered

I just can’t stand this man!

Bringringbring · 08/02/2020 11:48

Oh is he making out he suspects he has coronavirus or some such nonsense? Hence not wanting to go to hospital and flu like symptoms

Twat twat and twat!

simplekindoflife · 08/02/2020 11:50

I can't believe he woke up his poorly son and ordered him out of bed...

He's a nasty bastard and a shit dad.

NoSquirrels · 08/02/2020 11:51

Can you take DS and go and stay with your DPs?

You have a sick baby. You are not too well.

Your DH is a grown-ass adult who has refused medical care. Up to him, but you don't have to stick around and enable his behaviour.

Go to your parents with the baby.

dappledsunshine · 08/02/2020 11:55

He's had flu before and says he knows what to do yet still called an ambulance then declined to follow their advice.

I maintain he's an idiot 🤷‍♀️

LouHotel · 08/02/2020 12:02

If your next update is that he's just returned from his hols in Wuhan it will be the greatest drip feed that ever was.

But as that hasn't happened you need to pack up and get yourself to yours mum before you collapse!

Elieza · 08/02/2020 12:28

I feel there may be other things going on here. Is he jealous as you spend more time with the baby than him and he’s feeling neglected?

Have there been any conversations lately about anything g relationship related, like he wants more sex and you’ve said no thanks?
Is he having problems at work?

Or I’d he genuinely ill and too scared to go to hospital for some reason?

If he needs antibiotics he needs antibiotics.

If it really is the flu (which based on his wanting sex I’m thinking it is not, just a heavy cold or a nasty chest infection) then there isn’t much to be done, providing he’s keeping up his fluid intake and isn’t needing intravenous fluids.

His behaviour isn’t normal. He sounds manipulative or childish and I don’t know which is worse.

Morporkia · 08/02/2020 12:30

I’m currently looking after my DH who is extremely ill due to a flare up of his chronic illness. I too have been running around after him, running myself into the ground and generally doing everything. The differences between my DH and yours is that mine is worried about me, trying to minimise my stress and is desperately waiting to see a consultant at our local hospital but because of selfish assholes who waste time and resources it’s not going to happen for at least a month. He has NEVER called an ambulance and although resistant to being admitted, if it has been advised by the doctors he has gone into hospital for treatment. Because he’s not an asshole. OP I don’t know how you are willing to stay with this person. He sounds like a selfish, toxic and above all manipulative twat. I’m sorry you are going through this 💐 and

AmelieTaylor · 08/02/2020 12:32

I’m not sure you & DS should be going to your parents, I wouldn’t want to be spreading our bugs to them myself.

Send twatty mc twat pants to hus parents, they raised this wanker, let them deal with him.

And for his sake, STOP making excuses for the selfish ducking idiot

AmelieTaylor · 08/02/2020 12:33

Please excuse my
Prissy phone. I’m astounded after this many years with me it still changes FUCKING to ducking.

idontlike789 · 08/02/2020 15:37

Nah he's a hypochondriac. Tell him he get to the doctors or goes back to to work .
Do not do anything for him until he starts pulling his weight . He can start by watching his dc so you can have a shower / 5 minutes to yourself. He's a selfish sod , you must have the patience of a saint .

Rosebel · 08/02/2020 17:26

He doesn't have flu! If he had flu sex would be the last thing on his mind. So he might be sick because otherwise the ambulance and GP wouldn't have recommended hospital but I think he's putting it on. If he really was ill he'd go to hospital.
Ignore him, don't make him any appointments (no point) and don't run round after him. Better still say either go to hospital or back to work.

billy1966 · 08/02/2020 23:39

OP, your poor child. Poor child.
One parent who is a well meaning mug, who is being abused by a nasty prick who doesn't care a whit for his wife or child.

Another parent who doesn't get that she is in the midst of a total shit show at the hands of a nasty man who is mentally unstable and couldn't care less for his child or the child's mother.

Your poor child.

Pack your bags and go to your parents for the sake of your baby.

And get some help, to help you understand how awful the situation you are in, is.

You need help, to see the wood from the trees.
Good luck OP.💐

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 08/02/2020 23:51

Hang on, you sent your I'll child away to stay at your mums so yiu could look after yiur dh, who clearly isn't as ill as he makes out, and is an attention seeking twat?

Im really interested to hear what the fact were that have made you more understanding of his shitty behavior.

2stepsonthewater · 09/02/2020 00:03

Why do you pander to him like this? Why is he not capable of phoning the doctors himself? I agree, go to your mum's with DS so you can get some rest yourself.

PegLegAntoine · 09/02/2020 00:24

What “full facts” is he on about?

He sounds like a twat

Original poster

MTGGamer · 12/02/2020 11:43

Update: (if anyone cares)

He is still an absolute arse when he's poorly, but he is now in the hospital, currently in resus awaiting admittal and diagnosis. On IV antibiotics, fluids and oxygen. Didn't have to get this bad but he is stubborn to a fault. Thank goodness he saw sense and let me call for help after 10 days (!)

OP posts:

Hepsibar · 12/02/2020 11:50

Dont worry your DS will be fine.

But both of you wont be if you stay with this manipulative heap of ...

Calling an ambulance is serious. Either he felt that bad or he didnt. Obv not as he would have gone (and been discovered that he's exaggerating) and then on top of it all to "be frisky".

This is real red flag stuff.

GoodnightJude1 · 12/02/2020 11:54

He’s a twat.
He’s selfish for his treatment of you but also for wasting the paramedics time. If you call an ambulance...you do what they bloody well tell you to do when they get there!

I would have lost all sympathy for him after that.

Poohpooh · 12/02/2020 12:23

What a knob. You married him in sickness and in health not in sickness and knobbiness.

Does he do his equal share of housework and childcare at least?

StrawberryJam200 · 12/02/2020 12:35

We do care @MTGGamer ! Has he acknowledged at all that he could have prevented getting to this stage?

villamariavintrapp · 12/02/2020 12:49

What a prick. He's lucky the nhs has to treat everyone, even those who abuse it.

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