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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be mad at my DH?

109 replies

MTGGamer · 07/02/2020 21:06

First time poster, long time lurked so please bear with me.

My DH has been unwell this week, to the point he has been essentially bed bound and sleeping for 5-6 days. This is the poorliest I have ever seen him (together 8 years, married 5) and I do not begrudge him this. However, the events of the last 48 hours have upset me A LOT and I need to know whether or not IBU.

Wednesday: tell DH to call GP or NHS 111 during day while I am at work. Arrive home from work with grumpy 14m old baby, he has not done this. I call, get him OOH appt and basically force him to go. Doctors recommend admitting to hospital for tests, DH refuses to wait for a bed (Not too mad at this, he was advised 6 hour wait).

Thursday: Again doesn't get out of bed all day, DS has cut new tooth so is thoroughly miserable, I am really struggling. Feel forced into the decision to have my DS have his 1st overnight away as DH won't even watch him for 10 minutes so I can shower. Cried my eyes out but sent DS to my parents.
Feel ill myself. No sleep, throwing up, generally exhausted. Cue 1am: DH comes in, lights on, tells me he's called an ambulance for himself and to get up and get dresses. Paramedics come, do tests and recommend hospital and AGAIN DH refuses to go. Both try to get some sleep, I'm working at 8am. DH comes in and wakes me at 5:30am for a cuddle and then tries to start getting frisky, less than 4 hours after paramedics and after I've had no sleep and been sick! I am annoyed, tell him no chance and try to sleep He then gets annoyed at me for ' not checking on him before I left for work ' (Which I did) and pulls the 'if you're mad, it wasn't that long ago that i had paramedics here telling me to go to hospital.' card. Which made it worse.

I have basically been doing everything this last week and, while I appreciate he is poorly, AIBU in thinking he's acted like an arsehole, not only in his treatment of me but also forcing me to make a huge decision re: DS I wasn't quite ready for and not seeming to care about my feelings? (I just got 'How are you?' with no major compassion)

OP posts:

BirdieFriendBadge · 08/02/2020 08:34

Sounds like an abusive, manipulative twat.

And worse than that wasting NHS time and money and could have been endangering the life of someone who needed that ambulance for real.

This is my first time saying it. But LTB!

ArnoldBee · 08/02/2020 08:36

So basically hes wasted about £1k of tax payers money with his idiotic behaviour. I would expect him to send a donation to the air ambulance fund for being such an idiot. Next time he seeks medical advice he needs to follow it.

villamariavintrapp · 08/02/2020 08:37

Wow, what a total dick. Complete waste of nhs resources. Why on earth did he phone an ambulance? Someone else could have died while they were pandering to his selfishness. Using out of hours services because he couldn't be bothered to phone in the day is unacceptable too. Go to your parents, and take his phone away so he can't do any more damage! Then think about whether you really want to stay with this utter waste of space.

ArnoldBee · 08/02/2020 08:38

Oh and when he or a family member needs vital treatment that the NHS can't provide as they've run out of money please remind him of his behaviour this week and if only he hadn't been such an idiot

sarahC40 · 08/02/2020 08:42

I believe amazon might deliver a copy of ‘the boy who cried wolf’. Seriously, though: I’ll enough for an ambulance then wants to have sex! It’s a miracle, so you can dump the baby on him and have that shower. He’s cured!

sarahC40 · 08/02/2020 08:43

*ill

Rezie · 08/02/2020 08:43

He called an ambulance and refused to go to the hospital? That's fucked up and makes him a complete asshole.

LouHotel · 08/02/2020 08:43

This is a massive over reach but I'm gonna say it.... No one in the history of the earth has wanted sex whilst they had the flu.

Your husband is inflating his illness and I expect that might be why he doesn't want to be admitted to have test show that.

user14572856389 · 08/02/2020 08:45

Which symptoms did he think he needed an ambulance for? What did he tell the paramedics? Why did they want him to go to hospital?

He does sound manipulative to me.

LoveIsLovely · 08/02/2020 08:55

There is no way the first time he has acted like this.

I'm assuming this is part of a pattern of acting like a selfish twat?

LorenzoStDubois · 08/02/2020 08:59

What exactly is wrong with him?

Also - is he wearing The Dressing Gown of Doom?

I'd put him in hospital after I was done with him.
He sounds like a colossal twat.

angieloumc · 08/02/2020 09:03

What an absolute tosser he sounds, his behaviour, ill or not, would put me off him completely.
On a side note, don't want to kick you when you're down, but you shouldn't be going to work when you've been throwing up, you could pass it onto others.,

Toffeecakes · 08/02/2020 09:05

In your case I’d say it would be easier to be on your own. I wouldn’t put up with that and the wasting of NHS resources would be the last straw. What was the reason he called an ambulance? And yes I’d absolutely blame him for not being willing to wait for a bed, if he was properly ill then he’d have just gone along and done it. Clearly he’s pulling the wool somewhere.

kingkuta · 08/02/2020 09:06

I agree you should also pack up and go to your mums for a bit. Give him the chance to rest and get you the help you need with the baby. His behaviour might become a bit clearer when you have some headspace, you sound frazzled. He sounds manipulative, truly awful.

CakeandCustard28 · 08/02/2020 09:07

What a twat. That ambulance could of actually been used for a medical emergency. What a waste of NHS time and money! YANBU. He can’t be that sick to want a shag a couple of hours later.

Frenchw1fe · 08/02/2020 09:10

As @LouHotel says.
This is a massive over reach but I'm gonna say it.... No one in the history of the earth has wanted sex whilst they had the flu.

I’ve had flu twice in my life. Raising my head to drink water was an effort.

kingkuta · 08/02/2020 09:20

My friend died because an ambulance took an hour to get to him. To think that an ambulance could have been delayed by a timewasting twat like this makes my fucking blood boil

billy1966 · 08/02/2020 09:29

OP, you poor woman.

You are with a nasty waster.
I also think it is abusive to wake you up deliberately.
This is not the behaviour of someone who cares about you.

Think hard about the future you want.
I hope your contraception is bullet proof.

I wouldn't want such a selfish asshole near me.

Go to your parents and tell them exactly what is going on.

I bet this is not in isolation.

Prick.

💐

Cherrysoup · 08/02/2020 09:39

So sick he called an a no (having refused to wait for the bed at hospital) yet well enough to try it on with you when you were knackered? What a fucking idiot. Think I’d be decamping to mum’s to stay with them for a bit.

frumpety · 08/02/2020 09:43

Is he off work sick ? or are you the only one working ?

Is there some sort of medical back story to this , where he has some sort of serious illness ? I am intrigued by the tests the paramedics did that made them believe he warranted a hospital admission, did he trigger the sepsis protocol ?

Is his behaviour completely out of character ? or was he like this back in January and when he had gout ?

DowntownAbby · 08/02/2020 09:52

He sounds like a complete fucking arsehole.

My first ever LTB!

I don't know how you could even bear to share a house with such a vile prick.

Original poster

MTGGamer · 08/02/2020 11:28

So, we have had a discussion this morning, after him coming in at 8am to ask us to get out of the bed so he could rest. I explained that I would try get him a doctors appointment, and he WOULD be going. Again refused. So I got mad at him, not just for refusing additional medical help but for asking his poorly son (teething or not, he is poorly and needed more rest) to wake up and get out of the bed.

So he has come downstairs and said that I crossed a line getting mad, when I didn't know the full facts... yet he wouldn't tell me the full facts soooo, not much I can do there. I am more understanding now I know what has gone on but he doesn't seem to see it from my perspective that I am and have been frightened, worried and burnt out. I don't see the improvements (which I have seen today), I see him refusing medical help and staying in bed all day, having coughing fits and falling over. What am I supposed to think? Yet I'm out of line for getting mad...

OP posts:

Original poster

MTGGamer · 08/02/2020 11:39

@frumpety He is off work sick, he gets full sick pay and I can't believe I'm saying this, but he works for the NHS... He's a domestic assistant but still.
They wanted to admit because of breathing issues but also believed he had flu and wouldn't force him to go. He says he's had flu before and knows what to do, but it would be easier if he actually told me any of this stuff

OP posts:

AlunWynsKnee · 08/02/2020 11:39

Why are you getting him a doctor's appointment? He has ignored 2 lots of advice to go to hospital so what is the doctor going to do differently this time? It's just wasting more resource.

nestisflown · 08/02/2020 11:41

OP you're a mug you still be listening to that selfish twat. I can't get past the waste of NHS time and resources. Prick.

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