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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said I was BU and rude.

136 replies

Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 14:00

Name changing as I don't know if she's on Mumsnet.

So last night I took dd6 to her club and when it was over I was waiting for my friend to arrive to pick up her ds who goes to the same club and was hoping to quickly organise an upcoming night out.

DD came up to me and was asking me a question when my friend turned up and without even a hello started talking over DD trying to sort out the night out. I politely said oh hi give me 2 seconds DD just asked me a question and I answered her question then turned to friend and sorry right let's organise I'm so excited for this night out!

Friend immediately got in a huff and told me I was really rude to her, she was talking to me and DD could wait and don't bother about the night out, grabbed her ds and stormed off, leaving me sat there bewildered at what just happened.

Was I rude? Totally prepared to be told I was but I have always believed if you're talking to someone already, no matter their age you respond before moving onto the next conversation unless its an emergency or relevant to the conversation? Was ibu or was she?

I've tried texting her to find out if she's ok and what's going on about the night out but I've heard nothing back.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 08/02/2020 18:30

Shes rude-i know 2 poeple that do this and its highly annoying especially when on the phone if yu want a conversation just bloody wait

NoFucksImAQueen · 08/02/2020 19:35

What are you going to do @Crumpetsforthequeen

DreamTheMoors · 08/02/2020 20:02

@Crumpetsforthequeen

Right. Sure. She’s not going out - she’s just wanting you to think she’s going out. Play along & say “Just as well, I have to wash my hair & have a convo with DD that night anyway.”

Highonpotandused · 08/02/2020 20:26

It sounds like you’re going to keep running after her. She’s a rude cow, Dutch her.

msflibble · 08/02/2020 22:06

She was definitely rude and is now being childish. You did nothing wrong. But it would be a good idea to defuse the situation and gently ask her why. Friendships aren't things that should be so easily discarded, plus you have to see her at this club every week so at least try to smooth things over a bit for the sake of awkwardness!

My guess would be that she was feeling sensitive about something unrelated, then felt wounded and probably a bit rebuked by your (completely innocuous and reasonable) desire to hear your DD out first. She projected, exploded and stormed off, and now it's easier to double down and pretend you are the enemy than to admit she was an arse.

If she doesn't respond to gentle and sensitive attempts to get to the bottom of what made her react this way, the relationship is best left for the time being. But do know that you did absolutely nothing wrong! Listening properly to your child is one of the simplest and most important things you can do as a parent.

Original poster
Crumpetsforthequeen · 08/02/2020 22:33

So I caved and texted as I am a bit concerned for her, she's deleted her Facebook which again, not like her at all.

I basically said look we've been friends for a long time and I know you and what happened the other night was a bit out of character for you, I don't feel I was rude but I also get the feeling it wasn't about that so if you wanna talk we can, if you don't it's fine and if you want to go out with someone else then go for it.

Still waiting for a reply, she's been a good friend to me, seen me through some really tough times as have I for her so this makes me think something's going on, that or I'm more of a bitch than I thought and she actually hates me lol

OP posts:
Janus · 08/02/2020 22:44

I think that’s a very nice text to send, I hope she reaches out to talk to you.

incognitomum · 08/02/2020 22:59

That's a good text.

Has she deleted Facebook or blocked you?

Travis1 · 08/02/2020 23:05

Fingers crossed she takes your message on board and the opportunity to talk

YouTheCat · 08/02/2020 23:07

I think that's a very kind text. She can talk to you if she is having a tough time and it'll be fine. And if she was, in fact, just being an utter dick, then she can't ever say you were at fault.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 08/02/2020 23:23

I think that was a really good message to send to her - concerned & supportive without being intrusive. God knows what's going on in her head, but you've taken the first step towards trying to sort things out.

If she doesn't respond, then I guess you'll have to leave it, but at least you know you've tried to sort things out.

letmebefrank · 08/02/2020 23:52

You're a better friend than she deserves.

Cherrysoup · 08/02/2020 23:56

She’s being very petty. Don’t chase her, you’re just being a doormat, she was ridiculous to say she’s now going with someone else. How immature of her.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/02/2020 00:02

You're a better friend than she deserves

Or maybe the OP is being the friend she deserves. We have all seen the ads "Be the friend you'd want" and about how if a friend is acting out of character, offer to listen. The OP has done just that. If the woman then comes back being an even bigger bitch then perhaps she really is just a needy drama queen, or perhaps there is something going on that the OP can help her with, as the friend has helped the OP in the past.

Sounds like she was already hurt and upset about something and when the OP wasnt immediately available toher, she tacked it on to those other feelings and problems.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2020 06:29

That’s a good text. It shows a great deal of emotional intelligence.

Choice4567 · 09/02/2020 12:46

Hope she gives some explanation

bpirockin · 09/02/2020 17:52

She was rude. How on earth can you teach a child that it's rude to interrupt if you allow your friend to interrupt her? It's so important that little ones are heard. Your friend is acting like a brat, so just leave her to it.

Aridane · 09/02/2020 19:12

don't reply to her...she sounds the type who enjoys creating drama

Except OP has stated that she’s not a drama lama

Original poster
Crumpetsforthequeen · 09/02/2020 19:58

A mutual friend has clued me in and I honestly don't know what to make of it all.

Friend has basically gone around telling everyone that I yelled and pushed her and started swearing at her and she's tried to get in contact with me to ask what she could have done so wrong for me to do that to her but I've just ignored her, this is an obvious lie and I've no idea why she would say all that as it definitely didn't happen, I was in an abusive relationship so any kind of conflict is unthinkable for me and she knows this.

I haven't told anyone other than you guys and my DH what happened as I don't want anyone getting involved or thinking bad about her as I did up until this point truly believe something was up with her.

DH thinks I should confront her about it all but the thought of continuing all this has my stomach in knots.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Fuckmesideways · 09/02/2020 20:07

Confront her.

Start a WhatsApp group between you, her and the mutual friend. Screenshot the messages she sent you, and ask where the confusion has come from.

Edel2019 · 09/02/2020 20:13

Omg OP. I was reading through the messages and thinking what a good friend you were having sent her that lovely msg.

Firstly, do you want a friendship with her now? She sounds absolutely crazy.

Secondly, messaging her is giving her more attention and you're not going to be able to reason with her here - you can't reason with crazy.

I would let it lie, stay silent, and if anyone asks you if it happened, ask them "are you joking?".

You're not going to be able to control how many people she tells this lie to. But I think you can safely assume that most people know it's BS.

incognitomum · 09/02/2020 20:58

She's batshit. What did the mutual friend think?

5zeds · 09/02/2020 21:03

Wow! Full on lies. Just tell anyone who asks it didn’t happen and ignore her.

Spanglemum · 09/02/2020 21:03

Does she really think any of that sounds plausible when you were both collecting children from a club? I don't know whether you should confront her or not. Sounds unhinged.

TossACoinToYourWitcher · 09/02/2020 21:04

Wow, she sounds delightful! Have you told mutual friend what happened?