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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said I was BU and rude.

136 replies

Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 14:00

Name changing as I don't know if she's on Mumsnet.

So last night I took dd6 to her club and when it was over I was waiting for my friend to arrive to pick up her ds who goes to the same club and was hoping to quickly organise an upcoming night out.

DD came up to me and was asking me a question when my friend turned up and without even a hello started talking over DD trying to sort out the night out. I politely said oh hi give me 2 seconds DD just asked me a question and I answered her question then turned to friend and sorry right let's organise I'm so excited for this night out!

Friend immediately got in a huff and told me I was really rude to her, she was talking to me and DD could wait and don't bother about the night out, grabbed her ds and stormed off, leaving me sat there bewildered at what just happened.

Was I rude? Totally prepared to be told I was but I have always believed if you're talking to someone already, no matter their age you respond before moving onto the next conversation unless its an emergency or relevant to the conversation? Was ibu or was she?

I've tried texting her to find out if she's ok and what's going on about the night out but I've heard nothing back.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 07/02/2020 15:54

How long were you talking to your DD for and why was your friend in such a hurry?

Frenchw1fe · 07/02/2020 15:58

Well regardless of what happened her last text is bloody childish so I wouldn't worry.

KatherineJaneway · 07/02/2020 16:02

Sounds like she believes adults come before children in situations like that, that you should have cut your dd off and talked to her as it was 'more important'.

PixieDustt · 07/02/2020 16:05

She is rude! Expecting someone to stop a conversation so you could talk to her. How entitled.
I wouldn't even text her!

LittlePaintBox · 07/02/2020 16:06

She was rude, and her text makes her sound like an arse as well.

You did nothing wrong OP, except having better manners than her.

Original poster
Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 16:06

We were asked talking about what she had done in the club (before friend got there) and then she asked if she need to tell her instructor that she wasn't going to be there next week or had I already done it? and my answer was a quick yes please and we would also be picking up dd's friend so could she go get her please. 15 seconds tops so not like I was explaining the meaning of life to her.

It's just so out of the blue for her to act like this I don't know what to think.

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 07/02/2020 16:07

Call her on it "Fair enough to be honest you were so rude the other night that between that and your behaviour since I didn't feel like going out with you anyway"

Original poster
Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 16:08

Sorry we were talking about what she had done, not we were asked talking lol

OP posts:
monkeymonkey2010 · 07/02/2020 16:11

don't reply to her...she sounds the type who enjoys creating drama.
she'll be more pissed off at being ignored.

To be honest, i'd just bin her.
What kind of friend behaves like this?
When/if she texts you asking why you're 'ignoring' her, she's just given you the perfect example of what kind of person you don't need in your life.

Urkiddingright · 07/02/2020 16:12

She was rude, not the other way around.

LoudBatPerson · 07/02/2020 16:12

I wouldn't bother writing a reply. I think she is looking for a reaction, don't give her the satisfaction,

Jux · 07/02/2020 16:13

How extraordinary! There's no reasonable explanation, is there.

I'm wavering between leaving her to it and perhaps even blocking her for a while, and texting back something saying how unreasonable you find her behaviour to be.

FrenchBoule · 07/02/2020 16:24

Ignore her message OP or send her cheery “have a lovely time” with a big grin.
You’re not in the wrong, she was(and still is).
I wouldn’t contact her myself.

Whoever starts the conversation has the priority unless there’s an emergency.
Your friend got pissed off that you prioritised your own child over her (and rightly so).

Sometimes I have DH and DS talking over one another. I explain to them I can’t listen both of them at the same time.
DH is asked to wait if DS has spoken to me first and DS is also taught to not interrupt if somebody else is speaking.

Cut your losses OP, your friend sounds like she expects you to drop everything including your child to accommodate her. Not on.

Penners99 · 07/02/2020 16:27

Rude and you are well rid.

Curiouschlo · 07/02/2020 16:32

She was rude. Why should our children be interupted when we expect them to not interupt us. Tell her to fuck off lol

MCBerberLoop · 07/02/2020 16:33

Just defuse from your angle (so no one can ever blame you!) and say something like 'Okay, well that seems like a shame, I was looking forward to it, but whatever you want. I feel like I've missed something though, is everything all right?'

Raindancer411 · 07/02/2020 16:39

You were not rude, she was. I wouldn't reply as she wants an argument and leave it.

crispysausagerolls · 07/02/2020 16:54

Maybe she has seen the thread and is having a tantrum

rwalker · 07/02/2020 17:02

Could it of been the straw that broke the camels back and other things have built upto this.

Mlou32 · 07/02/2020 17:18

She was rude, talking over other people is my pet hate. Have manners and wait your turn!

AriadnesFilament · 07/02/2020 17:27

She was rude.

I agree with the suggestions to reply with mild confusion and firmly put it back on her to explain properly what the problem is.

“Oh right, that’s a shame. Bit confused, I was looking forward to going - have I missed something?” for example.

User12879923378 · 07/02/2020 17:35

But OP hasn't missed anything. The friend threw a wobbler, told her she shouldn't have let her daughter finish her question, told her the night was off and stormed out. It sounds like there's something else going on (possibly not related to OP), she's looking for someone to take her anger out on and she's picked OP. I wouldn't facilitate that, personally. I'd ignore all the angry messages and gleefully spend the evening on the sofa in my pyjamas make other arrangements.

JRUIN · 07/02/2020 17:37

My kids are grown up now so it doesn't happen anymore, but I used to hate it when people used to interrupt us when they were little, as if just because they're adults what they have to say is more important. Unless it's an emergency it isn't, so you were correct to ask your friend to wait and she is being very childish to react in the way she has. I would not worry about losing a friend like her.

iknowimcoming · 07/02/2020 18:04

Agree with pp - ignore her, don't give in to the drama!

wildcherries · 07/02/2020 18:09

She was rude and the last text is rude too. I'd leave her to it and if you want to reply just say 'OK'. Don't feed her tantrum.