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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend said I was BU and rude.

136 replies

Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 14:00

Name changing as I don't know if she's on Mumsnet.

So last night I took dd6 to her club and when it was over I was waiting for my friend to arrive to pick up her ds who goes to the same club and was hoping to quickly organise an upcoming night out.

DD came up to me and was asking me a question when my friend turned up and without even a hello started talking over DD trying to sort out the night out. I politely said oh hi give me 2 seconds DD just asked me a question and I answered her question then turned to friend and sorry right let's organise I'm so excited for this night out!

Friend immediately got in a huff and told me I was really rude to her, she was talking to me and DD could wait and don't bother about the night out, grabbed her ds and stormed off, leaving me sat there bewildered at what just happened.

Was I rude? Totally prepared to be told I was but I have always believed if you're talking to someone already, no matter their age you respond before moving onto the next conversation unless its an emergency or relevant to the conversation? Was ibu or was she?

I've tried texting her to find out if she's ok and what's going on about the night out but I've heard nothing back.

OP posts:
incognitomum · 07/02/2020 18:52

Bloody hell she's awful. Hope you have other friends?

5zeds · 07/02/2020 19:40

Just text back , “have fun x” and don’t give it another thought.

Johntea123 · 07/02/2020 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/02/2020 20:22

Reply, "Ok! Hope nobody else tries to talk to your other friend!"

LittlePaintBox · 07/02/2020 23:03

Some people choose to take their bad moods out on the first person to get in their way. She sounds moody and unpredictable, I wouldn't want to go out with her if she's liable to turn on people if they don't do what she wants.

Coyoacan · 08/02/2020 00:37

I think you two need to go for a coffee and get to the bottom of this. You say she is a good friend and this is out of character, so don't let the situation get worse by fighting with text messages

wombatsandpythons · 08/02/2020 00:57

You were not being rude at all OP, and you are a great mum for not letting your daughter being demoralised and spoken over like that.

Your friend is the rude one and needs to learn not to talk over someone, no matter how big or small they may be.

Dieu · 08/02/2020 01:05

Why are people telling you to bin her off as a friend?!
The OP has said that she's not normally like this, and everyone has off moments. She was probably in a rush, maybe with kids already in the car.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/02/2020 07:45

I think you should maybe respond to the text, but very briefly and with a "Have a nice time then" or something civil but non-committal. I don't think you should suggest faux-confusion, or be upset or anything. If she's trying to get a rise out of you, then she's being very childish, so don't fall for it. Just rise above it.

avocadotofu · 08/02/2020 10:02

YADNBU, she was rude!

BunnytheElephant · 08/02/2020 10:07

The thing is if she’s not normally like this you don’t know if there’s no reason she’s feeling sensitive or whatever

calmama · 08/02/2020 10:21

I had a friend who chucked a wobbly at me because I didn’t agree with her on something. It sent her off on a very strange and aggressive rant much like it sounds your friend did. Seemed out of character to me (though she doesn’t seem to hang onto friends too well in general 🤔) so I let it be. Then she came back at me demanding an apology for upsetting her. She didn’t get one. That was the last I saw of her. I suspect she dug herself a hole and was too embarrassed to climb out of it. I guess time will tell with your friend. Give her some space to mull it over. From what you’ve written you haven’t done anything wrong.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2020 10:22

She was really rude. Do you intend to respond?

Orchidflower1 · 08/02/2020 10:22

Yep, your friend was rude. You could always reply. That you weren’t sure you wanted to go out as she’d been rude but was there a reason for this?

WhatsTheLatest · 08/02/2020 10:51

Dieu Hmm why is being in a rush more important than manners? That is just an excuse for rudeness. And what about the text afterwards, saying she has someone else to go with?

Dieu · 08/02/2020 13:50

Because we all slip up sometimes.
People on here are generally so unforgiving that I wonder how they function in life at times!
The friend sounds pissed off in general, so maybe this has been building up for a while. Who knows, when all we have is the OP's side.

Ladynada39 · 08/02/2020 17:26

Sounds like it had nothing to do with you at all! I would guess your friend was having a crap day and it just tipped her over the edge!

LittleMissMe99 · 08/02/2020 17:49

I would probably have replied "Hey, is everything ok? You don't seem yourself. Hope all is ok with you" Especially as you said it was out of character. We all have off days and maybe something is going on

dayowl · 08/02/2020 17:50

She was very rude!

TreacherousPissFlap · 08/02/2020 18:04

YANBU.
DS is 15 now and can still vividly recall the vicars wife cutting off the local "lord of the manor" who wanted to speak to her, until she and DS had finished their conversation. He would have been around 6 or 7 at the time.
It's tremendously important that children feel valued and that their opinions matter. After all if your DD had interrupted you and your friend everyone would note how rude she was.

SuperMeerkat · 08/02/2020 18:09

Your ‘mate’ is so rude. We don’t let anyone butt in if someone is talking no matter if they’re 3 or 103. It’s a life skill which needs to be taught.

PooWillyBumBum · 08/02/2020 18:09

She was rude and if she hadn’t shown her true crazy colours now she will have another time (possibly whilst drunk!) so I would just move on.

I HATE it when my daughter interrupts adult conversations but in order to teach kids how rude interrupting is, we mustn’t interrupt them ourselves!

Franticbutterfly · 08/02/2020 18:10

She’s a dick. You don’t need “friends” like that.

puds11 · 08/02/2020 18:12

Utterly bizarre. I hate adults who think their time is more important than a childs.

Cotswoldmama · 08/02/2020 18:23

You’ve got to be over the top nice to her to rub it in that she’s a asshole. Arrange a night out and invite her being really nice but expect her not to come and have a fab night with out her!