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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend said I was BU and rude.

136 replies

Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 14:00

Name changing as I don't know if she's on Mumsnet.

So last night I took dd6 to her club and when it was over I was waiting for my friend to arrive to pick up her ds who goes to the same club and was hoping to quickly organise an upcoming night out.

DD came up to me and was asking me a question when my friend turned up and without even a hello started talking over DD trying to sort out the night out. I politely said oh hi give me 2 seconds DD just asked me a question and I answered her question then turned to friend and sorry right let's organise I'm so excited for this night out!

Friend immediately got in a huff and told me I was really rude to her, she was talking to me and DD could wait and don't bother about the night out, grabbed her ds and stormed off, leaving me sat there bewildered at what just happened.

Was I rude? Totally prepared to be told I was but I have always believed if you're talking to someone already, no matter their age you respond before moving onto the next conversation unless its an emergency or relevant to the conversation? Was ibu or was she?

I've tried texting her to find out if she's ok and what's going on about the night out but I've heard nothing back.

OP posts:

Willow2017 · 07/02/2020 14:45

Rude as heck.
If someone is tlking to another person you wait till they are finished before you start talking to them.
You would tell a child that so whats the point if you allow adults to do it?

TheNoiseHurts · 07/02/2020 14:47

That's what inspired my post @justmyview..

BrokenWing · 07/02/2020 14:50

if your dd asked if she could get a icecream on the way home and your answer was no fair enough, if you dd asked you to explain the newtons laws and your friend had to wait and listen to a drawn out answer I can understand her feeling pissed off.

I would also like to hear your friends side of this.

Cocopines · 07/02/2020 14:52

Used to have a friend who constantly talked over my DC. Exhausting!

ladycarlotta · 07/02/2020 15:01

actually no! You don't just barge into someone's conversation, it doesn't matter if one of the participants is 6. It was on the friend to wait for an appropriate moment, at most catch OP's eye so she'd know to wrap it up.

Willow2017 · 07/02/2020 15:02

OP has been perfectly clear on what happened.
Why are people always in such a hurry to discount any ops experiences?
How could their be a misunderstanding when op was clearly talking to her dd, friend was asked to wait a few seconds then had a hissy fit that she wasnt prioritised over the dd?
I know several people who frequently barge into conversations due their belief that what they have to say is far more important than anything else and everything should stop for them. Its not difficult to believe this happened.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 07/02/2020 15:06

She was rude!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/02/2020 15:07

Your friend was the rude one - just because your DD is 6, she still deserves to be treated as a person and listened to, not be talked over by an adult who thinks she's more important!

My mother was forever telling us when we were children not to interrupt her conversations, when she was on the phone or out and about and met people - fair enough. Used to make me really angry though when I would be on the phone to her later on, as an adult, and I would still be "second class" in terms of being listened to - she'd even talk to the bloody cat while I was having a supposed conversation with her!!

I wouldn't be bothering too much to chase her up for this night out either - she obviously thinks she's more important than your DD.

YogaSleepandFood · 07/02/2020 15:13

She was rude, unless you’re not telling us the full story or were particularly snippy with her. Maybe she didn’t realise you were speaking to DD

Leaannb · 07/02/2020 15:14

@ladycarlotta so children deserve less respect than older people? Isn’ t the best way to teach is by example?

YogaSleepandFood · 07/02/2020 15:15

Have you tagged the wrong person there @Leannb?

Aridane · 07/02/2020 15:21

OP has been perfectly clear on what happened.
Why are people always in such a hurry to discount any ops experiences?

Not in a hurry at all.

OP made clear friend was not a drama lama and the behaviour was out of character- hence asking OP whether it was apparent DC6 was mid conversation with OP

LoudBatPerson · 07/02/2020 15:22

She was rude not you.

I teach my children not to jump in and interrupt people already having a conversation, and I expect others to treat them with the same respect.

In that situation, I would have done as you did, and finished answering my DC first (explaining to a friend as you did).

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/02/2020 15:26

it isn't discounting OP's experiences to enquire or suggest that just maybe...the other party saw the exchange very differently, as is almost always the case. Nobody here was there OP, so frankly nobody here knows whether it seemed rude. Whether it was hypothetically rude, as you describe it is sort of moot.

It really doesn't sound like a big deal, certainly not worth ending friendships over surely. Her flouncing off as an adult is obviously not ideal or necessary but like it or not she obviously felt you had made her seem unimportant. Being placed after a small childs (usually fairly pointless) chatter - I can see how tbh, though personally wouldn't care. Just go and see her OP, ask what the problem is, say you meant nothing by it and certainly wouldn't want to fall out. Principled ' well im not chasing' attitudes are no better than a flounce, it's hardly 'chasing' to make things right with a friend.

Cosmos45 · 07/02/2020 15:31

@TheNoiseHurts - I have a friend who does exactly this too. I could be in the middle of a sentence and her child walks in and starts talking and she "shush's" me and talks to the child. She has even held her hand up to me to indicate to stop talking when the child wants her attention. There has never been any concept of teaching the child not to interrupt. This friend has been a good friend of mine for nearly 30 years and lives in a different country and just recently visited. I found it so draining because she interrupted and talked over people all weekend. She has always been like this but I don't know whether my patience is waning in later life I am beginning to really resent my time with her continually talking over me or interrupting. I can see where the child gets it from and will end up the same no doubt..

Elvesdontdomagic · 07/02/2020 15:33

She was rude. I would have done the same as you OP well done!

I would let my children interrupt me too because when my kids are with me I let my friends know a conversation is unlikely. They're 5 and 3 and have little understanding of social graces (one has no awareness) as they both have SEN but even if they didn't it's a gradual learning process. Long conversations where kids are bored rigid is crappy anyway.

Barbararara · 07/02/2020 15:33

Adults did this all the time when I was a child. Or barged ahead in queues in shops.

I know I’ve offended my mil by saying “just a sec” and letting the dc finish what they’re saying to me when she interrupts. It’s a guilty pleasure. I also teach them not to interrupt so it’s only fair that the same rules apply for them.

Hepsibar · 07/02/2020 15:34

How rude and infantile of this person.

Original poster

Crumpetsforthequeen · 07/02/2020 15:45

She's just text me to say she's now going on the night out with someone else.

That's it, no more explanation just I'm basically not invited anymore.

What do I even say to that? We've never fallen out before, had mild disagreements but not like this.

OP posts:

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 07/02/2020 15:47

Well, it depends, was it really a couple of secs you continued talking to your DD or more than a few minutes?

She may have been in a hurry or she may have been waiting for you to finish talking to your child for longer than it is acceptable.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 07/02/2020 15:48

Ok, strike that, just ignore and make other plans.

LoseLooseLucy · 07/02/2020 15:49

She was rude when she interrupted and is being childish now with that text.

BunnytheElephant · 07/02/2020 15:50

Depending on what your earlier texts say I think I’d be tempted to say something like “Have I missed something? You came over to me earlier to talk about the night out and now you’re talking about going with someone else. It seems like you’re annoyed that I didn’t want to interrupt what my DD was saying but I can’t understand why that would upset you so much”

BunnytheElephant · 07/02/2020 15:50

If she’s a good friend and this is o it of character, I’d want to rule anything else out other than her being a twat

lemontreebird · 07/02/2020 15:50

I would not reply.

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