To give my 15 year old condoms?

[AnneTwackie]

For context, had the talk about the age of consent and consent issues, other stuff that could go wrong- break-ups, not sharing pics, disease, pregnancy, reputation etc. They’re a few months into a what seems a happy relationship, same age.

We don’t have a weird parent/child situation just quite honest with two teens in the house and I’m thinking along the lines of ‘if you were to decide it was the right thing for you, I’d want you to be responsible’.

I went to secondary school in the Netherlands. They taught us all about reproduction at age 13, all forms of contraception, that doubling up on contraception was the only safe way (lots of mums on MN should read that sentence again) and which you can get where for free or cheap. The meridian age of starting to have sex was 16/17, so not earlier than in the UK I believe. I went to that school for 6 years. There were 2000 teens. Do you know how many teen mums there were? None. Exactly. None in six years time. Nobody pregnant.

The Netherlands has the lowest number of underage mothers. They make contraception available before it is needed. Sex itself isn't encouraged or discouraged (more the "when you are ready" talk) but you would be extremely stupid to do it without proper protection.

I also find the amount of people on this thread worrying who think that they should be able to decide when their kid is old enough to have sex. That will never work. Besides, I find it deeply disturbing that you basically would find it normal for a daughter to ask her dad if she can have sex. Your childrens bodies are their own. You don't decide this.

When DD was 15 she had a bf, we talked a lot about underage sex and laws surrounding this, we spoke about getting pregnant, STIs and all the emotional bagged that comes with it.
I told her whilst I didn't condone sex before 16 if they decided to do it, I wanted her to be safe and we would get her on some from of contraceptive.
This wasn't a one off conversation it was a conversation had often, sometime short, sometimes long. She told me often she didn't feel ready or comfortable to have sex before she was 16. I told her I was happy with that but if she changed her mind to come and talk to me.
About a month before her 16th birthday she told me they had discussed it and felt they wanted to do it but only after she was 16. So off we popped to the family planning and she had the implant in.

It really does depend on the child, some children will not feel comfortable having these conversations with their parents. I was lucky we have an open relationship.

So I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. You know your own children.

I used to volunteer in a young people sexual health drop in and they came in from age 13 really. We had to have a consultation with them and do a demonstration every single time. God I have put a lot of condoms on dildos.

My DD has a close friend , her mother grounded her for daring have a boyfriend at the age of 15, she tracks her movements on her phone, so the girl has just got smart. She swaps phones with friends and meets her boyfriend, she has just turned 16 and gone to a drop in clinic and sorted out her own contraception herself. Her mother has no idea

There’s a teenage girl I know whose mother has taken the “you’re too young, I don’t want to hear anymore mention of it” stance every time her DD has brought it up

Thankfully she was able to confide in two friends, both of whom have approachable Mums, who then helped her get to a pharmacy to get the MAP as she had tried to speak to her own mum because she’d had sex and they’d had a condom split

I have a 16 year old, we have had open conversations when she was younger around making sure she was ready and in an healthy relationship. Due to other issues she was put on the pill at 14 (no BF on the scene) and I very much said this is for medical reasons and not a licence to have unprotected sex. She didn’t go off and have sex just because she was on pill?

We still very much discuss the need to make sure they use condoms - to protect herself from STDs. I’m find the whole thing uncomfortable and I wish that she would wait forever lol but I’m not naive and don’t want her to ever feel that she can’t discuss things with me and I just want her to as safe as possible. Also understanding that being in a healthy relationship before embarking on the next stage is as important.
She not rushed off to have sex just because we have open conversation and has a box of condoms in her draw?

Boys need to practice putting them on: the point of needing one is not the moment to start learning.

This /\

Also, this also helps put them off as well, according to my DS the “excruciatingly embarrassing” conversation we had about trying different condoms to find the best fit, and it being important that you use the condom properly otherwise it’s pointless, was enough to put him off sex for months

I wish my mum did this for me aged 15. Instead she waited until my 16th bday. By the time this rolled around I had already had pregnancy scares, a miscarriage and had stolen my brother's pocket money for condoms.

She still has no idea. And my then boyfriend and I are now mid 30s and best friends (both married other people obviously)...... But the miscarriage at such a young age effected us both and still does.

You know your own children

Unfortunately this isn't true....

My main concern would be that condoms are not 100% reliable and if they were having sex then she may still become pregnant due to inexperienced use.
I would talk to your child - male or female about the relationship and their contraceptive choices and help them decide what's best for them - and an appt at the GP too to talk it through way before they want to have sex.

Then sure have some at home for them to use, but I wouldn't rely on them as being fool proof and totally effective - I've also spoken to my son about heavy petting - horrid phrase and if he comes with her help - and what to do and that sperm can live outside for a little while - odd conversation I know but I think the best way is to be as open as possible - yes it feels amazing and yes they may get to a point they want to have sex but what else do they need to do beforehand - and yes at 15 they seem so so young but it's likely and can happen and j would want mine to prepared as dealing with a pregnancy at 15/16 would be so hard if things went wrong

Good luck x

absolutely reasonable. Fact is right or wrong, they are teenagers finding their way - if they want to have sex they will! Indoors, outdoors safely or not!
Highly naïve to think otherwise. Inform them and if you feel able equip them.

Teenagers will always find a way to have sex if it’s really what they want to do. I know some people at my school were shagging in the hedges near school ffs. It’s safest to arm them with contraception so if they do decide to it, at least it will be safe.

It's the chat that accompanies the condom giving that is the important bit. That's the middle ground between encouraging it and making sure they are safe if they do.

The Netherlands has the lowest number of underage mothers. They make contraception available before it is needed. Sex itself isn't encouraged or discouraged (more the "when you are ready" talk) but you would be extremely stupid to do it without proper protection.

Absolutely this. I have a 14 year old and believe strongly that if they want to have sex, they're going to regardless of what I say and do. So my only real role is to provide honest, forthright education at all points. We can't control what teens do, we can only control how much/little they know in advance.

Giving condoms isn't giving 'the green light'. It's giving options. Better that than they go and have unprotected sex because they are too embarrassed to go to a clinic or can't afford to buy any from the shop.

I first had sex at 16 with my boyfriend of 6 months at the time. My parents got all pissed about the relationship and tried to stop us seeing eachother at all. When we started I was using condoms then decided to go to a sexual health clinic and get hormonal contraception. I was using condoms and the contraceptive implant. In the end my mum straight up asked me if I've had sex and I said yes.

What ensued was in my opinion at the time and now as a grown adult utterly ridiculous. Suggestions from my parents I'm a slut, going to end up walking the street as a prostitute. Screaming at me for going to a sexual health clinic, getting a "medical procedure" done and getting a long term contraceptive.

All the contraceptive decisions I made were and still are in my eyes very responsible actions for 16 year old me to make when deciding to start having sex. The fact I was shamed and punished for having sex after the age of consent with condoms and an implant still blows my mind to this day.

For all those out there saying they disallow and actively stop/prevent your children from having sex, all that means is they're going to have sex without you knowing, and probably be more prone to making stupid decisions without your guidance.

I'm all for being open about sex/contraception with your children. I'm not sure I would hand them contraceptives out right like "here you go these are for you" but please some PPs here need get out your boxes and realise if your kid is 15/16 with a boyfriend/girlfriend for a few months, they're probably going to have sex whether you like it or not. Open discussions are best. I like the ideas I'm hearing from other posters here to have a drawer with condoms in that they know about and know they won't get killed for using.

@TheHonestTruth100 your situation is exactly the reason the C Card system was set up. So that young people can access condoms without judgement. A condom is a boys only choice of contraceptive. He can't take a pill. So, if he doesn't want to become a father, he needs to know how to use a condom. How to check he has the right size and how to put it on. Schools have members of staff trained in handing out condoms and proving pregnancy testing. If you don't have the open, honest, judgement free chat with your kids, someone at their school will. Your kid will still have sex, but the parent will simply be excluded from that part of their childs life. As a mum of two girls, I cant imagine any thing worse than my kids believing that I'm ashamed of them for having/liking/wanting sex. My mum was an open book. The only time she ever chastised me about sex was when she overheard me and another friend gossiping about a girl in our year who'd given a boy a blow job. She didnt use the phrase (as it was the 90s!) but, explained we were slut shaming and needed to be a friend to the girl instead of bitching about her. We had 'the chat' frequently, my mum left a pack of condoms on my bed for when I was ready, she took me to the doctors to get the pill when I asked. I didnt have sex until I was 17.

I didn't have a chance to comment yesterday, but wanted to as I'm in a similar situation re. teenage contraception.

DD (nearly 15) asked me to make her first ob/gyn appointment. Here in the US, it's common for women to have an annual one once they're sexually active. In short, DD wants to go on the Pill. .

She hasn't had sex yet, but 15 is the age of consent here and as she's dating, she thinks she might be ready at some point in the next year. I've made the appointment after her birthday and I've drilled into her that she must wait until she's 15. We've also talked about condoms and the additional protection they provide.

I REALLY don't want her to have sex this young (I waited, was 19) but I can't stop it happening - as PP's said, they could go in a field, behind the bike sheds, etc. All I can do is ensure that she's protected.

If parental influence is so powerful maybe we should all start leaving Women in STEM leaflets in the bathroom.

Are you all going to go and source your kids some safe drugs as well, after all ‘they will do it anyway?’ So better to be safe.

My 17yo son uses cannabis occasionally. He gets it from a 60 year old guy I know well and trust. This chap let's me know and my son is aware he does. The alternative is the local 18yo dealer and his gang.

There will be condoms in my linen closet within the next few years. As much as I hope my dd will wait until she is mature enough to buy her own condoms, I’m not taking any chances.

I'd do it. DD is 12, and, knowing her personality, if I do this when she's 15, she'll be horrified! I'll still make sure she has them though.

Teenagers and young adults (13 to 25 year olds) can sign up to the cc card

The C-Card is a scheme for young people to access free condoms and lube to improve sexual health.

When used correctly during sex, condoms are the only type of protection that help prevent both sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy.

It’s easy to get free condoms and lube packs through the C-Card scheme if you’re aged between 13 and 24.^

My mother encouraged me to have sex at 13 however don’t provide condoms or access to the pill

Being a mum to a 6 month old girl and also a woman who got pregnant at 16 I would absolutely be making sure my daughter has access to contraception - and not just condoms. I will he open with her and when she feels the time is right I will 100% support her in going to see a doctor to be out on the pill, or the implant or injection...basically whatever she feels is best for her.

I've had my daughter at the grand old age of 34 however the pregnancy when I was 16 ended in a termination. I'd never been given the sex talk, didn't access easy to contraception and had a steady boyfriend. As teenagers do, we "did the deed" and in the usual cliche on the first time having sex I became pregnant.

I can't tell you how quickly I had to grow up right there and then when I decided I didnt want a baby. I came from a very lower class background and no one in my family had ever made anything of themselves. They all made a career out of having babies and claiming benefits. I knew at that point that it wasn't a life I wanted. I wanted to go to university, to establish a career and at the age of 16 I thought I never wanted children.

I ended up arranging and going for my termination on my own...I remember saving my
Money from my Saturday job to pay for the cab ride there and back. That is an experience I never ever want my daughter to go through. It was horrible and it took me a long time to get over what I had done. I wish someone had spoken to me about contraception before it all happened.

I hope to give my daughter the chance to make an informed, safe choice when the time comes that she does want to take a relationship to the next level.

Although saying all of that her dad reckons his little princess is never leaving the house let alone ever having sex so shouldn't be a problem for us 🤣