To give my 15 year old condoms?

[AnneTwackie]

For context, had the talk about the age of consent and consent issues, other stuff that could go wrong- break-ups, not sharing pics, disease, pregnancy, reputation etc. They’re a few months into a what seems a happy relationship, same age.

We don’t have a weird parent/child situation just quite honest with two teens in the house and I’m thinking along the lines of ‘if you were to decide it was the right thing for you, I’d want you to be responsible’.

I didnt start my period until I was 15, but I knew there was sanpro in the cupboard from about 12.

I think this is it, in a nutshell. Know where to find them, should you need them. Ideally that should have been in place from WAY before it was a possibility, so that it's not seen as an "invitation" or pressure.

It's massively uncomfortable, of course. We don't want to condone or encourage it, we may feel with all our hearts it is better to wait longer. But teenagers are horny. It happens. Better they can stop and immediately access some protection if it's going to happen come hell or high water.

I wouldn't WANT my 15-yr-old to have sex. But I would vastly prefer it be as safe and free from physical consequence, shame or judgement as possible, if it did happen.

If having condoms avaliable is a greenight to have sex then I dread to think what you think of us (actually I couldn't give two figs but still)

There is a box of condoms in our bathroom cupboard. My 9yo asked what they were and I explained they're to prevent pregnancy stds etc. She knows I'm sterilised so asked why we have them. So that if anyone ever needs them they're there 🤷‍♀️

They'll continue to be there as she grows up and the message will slowly be Inforced that I would much rather she waited until she is in a committed relationship and sure she is ready but whenever that time comes she can help herself or give them to her friends as needed.

Like with most things informed is best!

You are the responsible parent for ONE of these children and not the other.
Whilst you have a fantastic relationship with your child where communication is open etc, I think to extend the conversation to the other child's parents would also help with your decision making.

It's well known that preventing access to contraception prevents people from having sex.

oooops, my mistake, no it isn't.

Sick world you've got there modern mothers.

Not a mother, then, Mustang?

I was also going to riding lessons, shopping, catching public transport and riding my bike as a young teen.

As a slightly older teen (15-16), I was catching public transport, shopping, snogging my boyfriend and then... having sex.

My parents did not condone the sex-having, and did a lot to prevent it. Made no difference. I did know where to find a condom if necessary, though.

Just wondering (as I'm of the generation where there was still shame and judgement to a degree)

Whilst I am aware that teenage sex and pregnancy isn't new It absolutely wasn't condoned or facilitated by the supplying of contraception by parents (well, except for one or two more liberal ones) and the staying over of boyfriends and girlfriends really didn't happen. It was bike sheds or nothing. So I do think there was less of it underage and we waited till more like 17/18. (although as that's anecdotal I could be completely wrong). I'm not saying we were completely innocent but full sex was rare.

So, was that better than now? Or not?

I don't want girls to get pregnant before they're ready (and I don't want them sent away or stigmatised if they do) but I hate children growing up before they're ready emotionally. And that sex is just something you 'do' without the depth of feeling that should go along with it.

I'm not insisting that the old ways are better, I just don't think that today's ways are right either

I'm really shocked at some of the replies on here,I think we would all like to think our children would wait to have sex and it would be a deep and meaningful experience but as adults we also know that isn't always the case.my son was 15 the first time he had sex and while he didnt tell me it was something we had spoken lots about.i found condoms in his wallet so sat him down and discussed it with him. he is 16 now but if he goes to friends parts or anywhere I feel the chance is there we can have have an open conversation about being safe and sensible.saying you wouldn't let your kids have sex before 16 or buying condoms before then is encouraging sex is absolutely ridiculous.if teenagers want to do it they will

I’d give them condoms and also point out that condoms protect against disease but they can break (much more likely with inexperienced users) and long term contraception like the implant is a better bet for prevention of pregnancy.

By the time my parents had worked out that I was having sex (at 18) with my ‘first boyfriend’ I’d already been having sex for 2 years and had several relationships.

I was having sex at 15 in the 90s and have no regrets. The ones in my year whose parents kept telling them not to have sex were having sex. There is a reason why abstinence only advice doesn't work. It is better to say I don't think you are ready, talk about consent but also make it clear if they do decide to do that they also need to be comfortable with ensuring they are protected. As a lot of teenage sexual encounters happen in the heat of the moment I also think them having access to condoms is a good thing.

You can say till you are blue in the face not to do it, make it as difficult as you can, but in the end if they want to do it, they will find a way. Hormones combined with thinking they know best often leads one way and it is naive at best to think encouragement or otherwise makes any real difference.

Also nannyogg, people were definitely having full sex back then. My own father was adopted from a 15 year old girl from a catholic house for unwed mothers. They had beds for 200 girls there that were always full according to records I found when trying to track my grandmother. That was in the 50s. My nan told me all the girls she knew had sex with their sweethearts before they went away to war. In the countryside it seemed a social activity from what other friends mums have said. It has always happened, it is just the consequences were hushed up. A lot of women having babies who were raised as their sisters or being sent away to rest in the country for a while due to their health.

So I do think there was less of it underage and we waited till more like 17/18.

I don’t think that’s remotely true. There were far more teen pregnancies when I was a teen than there has been with my kids and their peers

And my Nana spoke regularly of the girls she went to school with who put on weight, then disappeared for months to stay with a random relative before returning

Underage sex has always happened. It’s just now that it’s more discussed

And I think more understood that parental disapproval doesn’t change the likelihood of it happening, just the likelihood of it being discussed

DD has the patch, has tried the pill, and the implant and neither suited her.

also,a friend of mine who was having sex at 14 but had got the pill was so scared of her mum finding it she threw it away and ended up pregnant.as it happened shes an amazing mum her child is now an adult but life has been hard for her,if she could have spoken to her mum then maybe that wouldn't have been the case

I think it’s a good idea and will look at doing something similar when my children grow up.

It makes me laugh how naive and out of touch some of the people on here are. You can have all the talks in the world about waiting and how they are too young but if they want to have sex they will.

My parents were very much like that when I was growing up, it didn’t stop me losing my virginity at 14. I slept with more people between the ages of 14 and 16 than most people do in their lives.
Was I safe? Absolutely not! I knew my parents wouldn’t approve so it was alleyways, fields, public toilets and car parks. I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking for protection because I would of got the whole you need to wait, your too young etc. So nine times out of ten it was also unprotected sex.
If condoms or other contraception had been there, I would have used it.

You can tell your kids until your blue in the face that they are too young and they need to wait, but if they want to do it, they will. Much better for them to be able to be open and sensible about it then have to hideaway where it’s likely not going to be as safe!

"pregnancy isn't new It absolutely wasn't condoned or facilitated by the supplying of contraception "

pregnancy is not facilitated by contraception.

Quite the reverse.

DS is 16 in a couple of months and there are no girls on the scene yet (I believe he may have one in his sights - she is blissfully unaware)
As a result of this thread I shall be adding condoms to my next grocery shop - that should give DH a shock
Many thanks OP

Thank god this country is now pretty well free of that deadful trade, the back-street abortionist.

Germans call them "Angel-makers."

I would give them and also have a chat with them regardless of how uncomfortable that it makes everyone. It’s too important to ignore. I also work with kids that age and while I agree it’s better to wait, 15 year olds who are in love are very unlikely to worry that their parents / teachers / adults think in the heat of the moment.

YANBU. My mum gave me condoms when I was 15

Always found it strange how some parents say that "they are going to do it anyway".
It just seems like an easy parenting street to take, where poor behaviour is justified and overlooked to have less conflict at home.

I'd be showing children some news articles of talk shows, including suffering from STDs or heartbreak, potentially being laughed at in school for being a "slut" if they start to rack up a number of sexual partners in a small time, and what they miss out on due to pregnancy. It's not enough for kids to just know the consequences, they have to see it for themselves.

I'm a bit baffled by some of the responses on this thread. Why do some people seem to think there a parent can only use one strategy? You can tell and instill values of respect and waiting until the right time as well as having a contingency plan(s) - I like the idea of just having a place for protection so they won't feel uncomfortable / dissuaded from using them.

My parents did this for me and I was in my 20s before my first time.

Is 15 years old too young for sex? Yes, I think so.
Do I want my underage DC having sex? No.
Do many 15 year olds think about and engage in sex? Of course! Teenagers act differently around their peers than their parents.

You can talk to teens about not doing something or how unsafe it is all you want. It will not have the desired effect for many. Some may listen and follow the advice, but a lot will just "smile and nod" then ignore.IMO, it is much better for my DC to feel comfortable talking to me about these things and protect themselves than get caught up in the moment, be unprepared and have STDs/pregnancy scares.

YANBU

I'd be showing children some news articles of talk shows, including suffering from STDs or heartbreak, potentially being laughed at in school for being a "slut" if they start to rack up a number of sexual partners in a small time, and what they miss out on due to pregnancy. It's not enough for kids to just know the consequences, they have to see it for themselves.

Talking about and making your DC understand the consequences is important too, and there's no reason you can't do this while also having condoms available. Let's be honest here, teens are not known for always planning ahead and sensible life choices.

My mum had me 4 days after she turned 17. Her parents were very prude and would not speak to her about anything sexually related.
My mum was open like you OP. 7 children and not one teenage pregnancy. The youngest one of us had a child was 21.

I was 15 when i 1st slept with my boyfriend, with no talk or condoms from my mum, i did however know where hers were and pinched them off her anyway and took myself off to the drs to go on the pill. Fast forward 13 years and were still together with 2 DC.