To give my 15 year old condoms?

[AnneTwackie]

For context, had the talk about the age of consent and consent issues, other stuff that could go wrong- break-ups, not sharing pics, disease, pregnancy, reputation etc. They’re a few months into a what seems a happy relationship, same age.

We don’t have a weird parent/child situation just quite honest with two teens in the house and I’m thinking along the lines of ‘if you were to decide it was the right thing for you, I’d want you to be responsible’.

I'd be showing children some news articles of talk shows, including suffering from STDs or heartbreak, potentially being laughed at in school for being a "slut" if they start to rack up a number of sexual partners in a small time, and what they miss out on due to pregnancy. It's not enough for kids to just know the consequences, they have to see it for themselves.

It’s not one or the other, you can do both

Also, those chats should (and do) include conversation about why slut shaming girls, because it’s always girls, is absolutely not on.

We had condoms in a bowl on the bathroom counter when I was a teen. (I have 4 older siblings)
None of my siblings had children until we were adults. (None of my siblings or my friends did either but that could be due to the Condom supply from the bowl)

My parents weren’t delusional enough to think teens don’t have sex (they were teenagers who did) but did their best to ensure we did it safely if that was our choice. (Along with all the talks about not doing anything if you were pressured, stop if you weren’t enjoying it, sex shouldn’t hurt if your “warmed up” and to never sleep with a partner who manipulated you and said “if you really love me..,”(and that it actually meant they didn’t love or actually like you enough to respect you or your choices)

Keep talk to them OP.

By the way even with all of those “green light” condoms just lying around I didn’t have sex till I was early 20’s.

Maybe that’s cause there was always the only do it if you want to and it’s your choice chat. (Also i know I’m a oops baby but I’m still know I’m loved!)

I think you've been very responsible OP. Giving condoms isn't encouraging sex which will happen or not happen regardless of what mum says. It's raising the chances that any sex that happens is relatively safe. That's so important. I hope to have equally as open lines of communication when my kids get to that age.

Sensible. Get some, out them in a shared bathroom or accessible place or actually give them to DC. At that age they may not need them but then again they may, or will soon.

Some of the comments on here are utterly ridiculous. If you think that having an informed conversation with your teen about sex, sexual health and protection is 'giving them the green light' then you are playing right into the groomers handbook. "Your parents think you are just a kid, I know you are not..."
Teenagers do not suddenly become 'ready' or feel hormonally horny on their 16th birthday. Normal is a range, some teenagers have sex younger because they feel they are ready. Some aren't ready at all, but they think they are and do it anyway. Some aren't ready until much later. Either way, these kids need to be informed and NOT shamed. You can inform and educate without endorsing them having sex at a young age.
I also want to point out that sex is normal, natural and the way the human race as survived. Two 15 year old feeling the urge to have sex is normal - informing them of the physical AND emotional consequences is the right thing to do. Teaching them about safe sex is imperative. Teaching young people that much older people pressuring them in to sex is what isnt normal and isnt ok is more important than teaching them their sexual feelings are wrong.
I teach pupils aged between 11 and 16. I'm teaching Anne Frank's diary to year 9 at the moment and there is a part where she is describing puberty and writes about having 'a terrible urge to touch her body at night'. The boys exchange silly giggles and some flush with embarrassment. The girls all feign utter outrage at how 'disgusting' it is. In 2020, it is still fine for boys to masturbate, but girls are supposed to think that it is disgusting and not something they want to do. Both sexes are taught their feelings are shameful. The truth is, those urges are normal, healthy and part of the human experience. It is wrong that our girls are still made to feel shame, and in turn our boys feel that they are incapable of resisting their urges 'because they are boys'.
At a school near me, there was moral outrage when most of the year 10 and 11 girls used their C Card. Most of them were not planning to have sex, but they decided as a student body to be prepared. I had to speak to some of my pupils who were joining in on social media posts claiming 'The school X girls are all sluts'. They are sluts because they took free condoms. They are sluts because they chose education, protection and decisive action over hoping the boy would sort out a condom in the heat of the moment. It is ridiculous, and attitudes like 'I wouldn't allow my daughter to have sex at 15' perpetuate this.

If they want to they will find a way so I don't think YANU, I think you are being a good parent!

Very well said @Whatshername177!

One thing that hasn't been mentioned on this thread is that if the OP's child is the boy, and turns 16 while his girlfriend is 15, he is then breaking the law. And yes, 16 year olds HAVE been taken to court for having underage sex with their younger girlfriends although in the case I remember the judge was disgusted with the CPS for bringing the case.

Underage and teen sex is not inevitable and doesn't need to be encouraged. My mum put the fear of God into me about not "coming home pregnant". But I like the idea of a box of condoms being in the bathroom for use if needed (though if they don't get used, don't they expire so you have to keep replacing them?)

Whatshername177 has nailed it (pardon the pun).

The law might say 16 is when you are of an age to make that decision, but what about 2 weeks before that? Your brain doesn't suddenly get an upgrade on the morning of your birthday.

I was sexually active without intercourse from 14, but I also knew I didn't want to have full sex yet (mostly because of outdated slut shaming, because I was a teenager with raging hormones who definitely wanted to have sex, but I still knew my own mind either way). I was emotionally and physically ready to do what I was doing, regardless what the law says.

I didn't end up having full intercourse until I was 16 and a half, but that is because that was when I got into a 'long term' (for sixth formers) relationship and finally felt it would be socially acceptable to have sex. Whereas actually, I'd have much rather had sex for the first time with my lovely high school male best friend who was an enthusiastic learner of oral sex and taught me from day 1 that my enjoyment was just as important as my partner's!

So shaming teenagers, male or female, might stop them having sex, but it will still instill potentially harmful ideas in their head.

And the only person I know who got pregnant underage (or even as a teenager at all) was the friend whose mum was an extremely strict Catholic. And she was 13.

YANBU . My mum always bought them and left them in a drawer in the bathroom for us. Me and my siblings knew they were there, we were free to use them. We had to let her know if they were all gone or replace them ourselves if they ran out. Tbh they barely got used, but knowing they were there and that my mum wasn't judging, just asking us to be cautious and providing a way for us to be cautious was amazing. Compared to my friends who were having to sneak about buying them or saving their pocket money to buy them or just not using them at all, I'm very grateful my mum did this for us.

A lot of teenagers have sex at 15 when in a relationship, some of my very responsible friends did this (now accountants, doctors, teachers).
The denial on this thread that everyone waits till midnight on their 16th birthday is surprising.
You did the right thing Op.

@Whatsername177 wholeheartedly agree.

Boys need to practice putting them on: the point of needing one is not the moment to start learning.

I also think that bit both sexes condoms need to be seen as the normal, ordinary , default position so an everyday, embarrassment-free item.

Hasn't syphillis risen by *165% in under 25's or something horrific?

I heard it on the radio yesterday.

I will absolutely be giving my son condoms. He's 13 and already open about the fact that he wants to have sex as soon as possible 🙄
Which obviously I discuss and dissuade. Problem with him is he's really tall and the older girls like him so they are more experienced and that worries me.

*cant remember the actual figure but it was horrifying

I thought there was lots of evidence that abstinence only sex ed and "just don't have sex until you're older" didn't work and led to a far higher rate of teen pregnancy. Surely taking a "contraception will just encourage them - tell them they aren't old enough" approach is basically the same thing?

Giving a 15 year old condoms does seem like your condoning the act. I like the suggestion of having a box of condoms in the house. That way the protection is there but your not giving your approval of the act.

That is likely what I do when my DD older.

I started having sex at 14 at my boyfriend's house. My mum found out and put me on the pill. What else should she have done? I was going to have sex whether she knew or not. Surely better than me just using a condom my bf managed to get or nothing. So yanbu.

I think it's a good idea. However he/she needs to be fully aware that condoms aren't 100% and that the only surefire way to not get pregnant is to not have sex at all.

I have a friend with three teenagers. After having the STI chat, She’s put a glass bowl on the bathroom shelf filled with different kinds of condoms. In the bowl so you can’t tell if one is missing.
She says it is her way to keep her teens and their friends safe. Seems sensible to me.

16 year olds really do not have to be taken to court for having sex with their 15 year old girlfriends. What utter tripe.

We know our own children, situations etc better than random posters.

You’ve had the talk. More than most.

This the pragmatic response and lesser of two evils.

More should do the same.

Why has no one responded to my drugs comment?

Because sex is a normal and healthy part of life (albeit something that a young person would ideally wait until they are older to do). Drugs are not. It's not a valid comparison.

YANBU OP. Teens are not going to listen to being told no, far better that you ensure they are informed of the dangers and how to protect themselves.

My DD has a close friend , her mother grounded her for daring have a boyfriend at the age of 15, she tracks her movements on her phone, so the girl has just got smart. She swaps phones with friends and meets her boyfriend, she has just turned 16 and gone to a drop in clinic and sorted out her own contraception herself. Her mother has no idea

OP I had sex younger than your child and I wish my mum sat me down and gave me the talk, even younger than 15. My nephew who has just turned 13 has told me that people in his year (8) are having sex, and doing other stuff with each other as well as most of his friends watch porn, which meant that obviously it was time to talk about sex with him. Thankfully he’s a clever boy and has only kissed a girl (from what he has told me). So you absolutely did do the right thing imho.