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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give my 15 year old condoms?

149 replies

AnneTwackie · 06/02/2020 21:13

For context, had the talk about the age of consent and consent issues, other stuff that could go wrong- break-ups, not sharing pics, disease, pregnancy, reputation etc. They’re a few months into a what seems a happy relationship, same age.

We don’t have a weird parent/child situation just quite honest with two teens in the house and I’m thinking along the lines of ‘if you were to decide it was the right thing for you, I’d want you to be responsible’.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 06/02/2020 23:15

Exactly right smiley.
Underage sex is not the norm much less inevitable
Sex “a few months” into a “happy” relationship should never ever be treated like an expectation for children to do. And if they hadn’t thought about going all the way, mum giving one of them condoms is a green light plus a you really should be doing sex if you’re in a real relationship message/pressure.

The age of consent is not just some random age pulled out of thin air. It is based on cognitive and emotional maturity. Children with SEN may even not be ready until older!

Dogwalks2 · 06/02/2020 23:18

You are all talking about sex without the love and feelings of intimacy that relationships bring, whatever age. I’ve managed to accept my 16 year old son. Ana my 19 year old daughters partners into our homes as they have been in Commted relationships. I don’t expect they will go on to marriage. but at this moment in time they adore And respect each other and I think that’sl a healthy way to be in a relationship.

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2020 23:21

You know your own child, but personally there is no chance I would allow my daughter to have sex at 15. I've worked consistently on indoctrinating her to wait, and offering conforms is condoning the behaviour. I would use everything I had to stop it, as I really think they are too young.

And what's your Plan B?

Helenluvsrob · 06/02/2020 23:22

Hand over lots with the message “ I don’t suppose you are even thinking of anything like this yet but I think you should have plenty to hand. I’d hate for you not to be able help keep your friends safe. Feel free to give them to anyone who needs them, boy or girl and if you need more let me know “

Original poster
AnneTwackie · 06/02/2020 23:23

Ah @PlanDe , there’s not a 15 year old on the planet hasn’t thought about ‘going all the way’ or ‘doing sex’ as you put it.

OP posts:
aroundtheworldyet · 06/02/2020 23:25

What I find interesting on this thread is people who sy, my child is too immature etc.
Which I guess could be right.
But I remember myself at that age, and I was very immature with my parents. With my friends it was different.
And even now age45 I am immature with my parents. That’s what parents are. They’re not friends or piers. They’re the person who you can be immature with, even if you had sex the night before.

MustangsDraggedMeAway · 06/02/2020 23:29

You need to first of all discuss it with the other underage teen's parents. Maybe all of you can sit down and have a meeting to discuss the pros and cons.

aroundtheworldyet · 06/02/2020 23:29

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

aroundtheworldyet · 06/02/2020 23:31

@MustangsDraggedMeAway
Sorry that was at you

Deluded. WTAF did you guys do as teenagers? Horny and exploring your own body. Did you call a family conference first!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster
AnneTwackie · 06/02/2020 23:32

@MustangsDraggedMeAway should I take safe drugs to the meeting and wear my ‘pimp mum’ t shirt?

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 06/02/2020 23:33

I wouldn’t buy condoms for a 15-year-old, no.

They’re too young to be having sex. By buying condoms it IS condoning it and subtly giving them the message that having sex at 15 a few months into a relationship is cool. It’s not, IMO (and also in the opinion of the law)

If someone is old enough to have sex then they’re old enough to buy condoms and if my son felt uncomfortable buying condoms I’d tell him that there was a reason for that and he should think again about whether he thought he was ready for sex.

Plus, why would I want to get involved in my own child’s sex life? It’s a bit odd and interfering, no?

I do think that there is emotional damage done to kids having sex too young and too soon. My friends who had sex as young teens do regret it now and acknowledge that they were possibly looking for affection and affirmation rather than the sex itself. I appreciate this is not everyone’s experience.

FWIW I didn’t have sex until I was 19 and in a long term relationship partly because my parents taught us that having sex outside of a committed relationship at a young age is not a good idea. I am glad they did this, I agree with them as an adult and as a parent. In fact, I actually wish now I’d waited longer.

Them giving me the advice to wait did make a difference. If we think telling our children the reasons why something is not a good idea is not going to make a blind bit of difference then why bother parenting teens at all? I think intervention from parents is always useful, even when kids become adults. I still listen to advice from my parents and I’m 40.

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/02/2020 23:34

The Ad on this page is for a pack of 30 Extra Safe Condoms.😂😂😂

Smileyaxolotl1 · 06/02/2020 23:35

Actually scrap my ideas!
Do what mustang said and your teen will be so embarrassed they won’t even speak to someone of the opposite sex for years, let alone have sex with them!!

MustangsDraggedMeAway · 06/02/2020 23:36

there’s not a 15 year old on the planet hasn’t thought about ‘going all the way’ or ‘doing sex’ as you put it

I didn't think about going 'all the way' at 15. NO WAY! My husband was 20 when had sex for the first time. My son was waiting/looking for the 'right one' most of the way through uni.

Don't paint everyone with the same broad brush.

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2020 23:37

Maybe all of you can sit down and have a meeting to discuss the pros and cons.

Perfect contraception!

MustangsDraggedMeAway · 06/02/2020 23:38

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Fixedterm · 06/02/2020 23:43

Yanbu- better to be safe .

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2020 23:43

If someone is old enough to have sex then they’re old enough to buy condoms and if my son felt uncomfortable buying condoms I’d tell him that there was a reason for that and he should think again about whether he thought he was ready for sex.

See that's hiding your head in the sand to a ridiculous level.

When a lot of teens have sex for the first time (even if they're over the age of consent), they're often shy and very awkward but it doesn't mean they don't want to have sex for the first time.

Walking into a shop and buying condoms is a completely different situation. I mean for a start, it's public and they'll probably feel 'looked at' or 'judged'.

I know grown women who are married, who'd still feel embarrassed/shy about buying condoms.

CaptainNelson · 06/02/2020 23:43

I had similar situation with my DS last year. I had a long talk with both DS and his girlfriend, and bought a box of condoms, but didn't actually give them to him. Told him that I had some, and if he needed one, he should come and ask me. He now carries condoms everywhere - he's 16. You can't tell teenagers they mustn't have sex because it's the law. If they're in the situation where they're thinking about it or close to it, they need easy access to something to protect them. They may be too young but it doesn't stop them from doing it.

MustangsDraggedMeAway · 06/02/2020 23:46

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WorraLiberty · 06/02/2020 23:46

Told him that I had some, and if he needed one, he should come and ask me.

OMG I would have died a thousand deaths if I was a teenage girl and my boyfriend had to ask his mum or dad for a condom, so he could have sex with me!

Just put them in a place he knows he can access them surely?

WorraLiberty · 06/02/2020 23:49

The OP is encouraging her kid to fuck someone's underage child and so the other parents should be involved in this woman's decision. I wasn't fucking or thinking about letting men fuck me at 15 btw.

Oh ffs seriously?? 'Encouraging'? Grin

Anyway, how do you know the other parents aren't as sensible and caring as the OP? Maybe they've given their young teen access to contraception too?

SimplySteveRedux · 06/02/2020 23:57

there is no chance I would allow my daughter to have sex at 15

allow? You don't have that control, can simply educate them to be safe if they choose to engage.

hennyspennys · 06/02/2020 23:58

there is no chance I would allow my daughter to have sex at 15

I hope you've made sure that her school has no bike sheds or cricket pavilion.

lyralalala · 06/02/2020 23:59

I put condoms in my bathroom cupboard when DS1 and DN1 were 15. They, my girls (now 16) and various mates have helped themselves over the years. Mostly as bloody expensive water balloons for the first couple of years.

In my experience very few teens actively plan the first time they have sex so easy access to condoms is a necessity imo. Not just for pregnancy, but chlamydia is such an issue round here there has been extra talks in the secondary school about it