AIBU to not let a random child walk on my garden wall?

[CockysGirl]

Just got in from work and was parking on my drive and a grandparent with a small child (2-3 years old) is lifting them up so that they can walk along my garden wall. They see me standing watching and say "DGC wants to walk on your wall, you don't mind do you?" So I replied, "I'd rather they didn't, it is a tall wall with lots of rose bushes next to it so they may get hurt and anyway, it is my private property" So the grandparent glared at me and huffed loudly and said "the nasty lady won't let you walk on her wall" and proceeded to make a big fuss about lifting DGC off the wall again! AIBU to not want kids walking on my garden wall?

YANBU. I think it’s rude and the grandma’s reaction was petty. I wouldn’t want random children climbing on my property. Take them to a playground.

@PerceptionIsReality, I'm not English, just raised with manners. Climbing on other people's walls was a big no-no when I was a child, and it is for my children now. Plenty of appropriate places kids have can have a bit of fun that doesn't include climbing on properties they don't live in.

Some really entitled posters turning up on this thread with the idea their little darlings should be able to do as they please. Those same adorable angels will still think it's ok to climb other people's walls when they're teens, or think they can park their arses on them to eat lunch/have a fag. The disrespectful attitude is taught from an early age.

Do those going on about manners not think good manners include tolerance and forebearance? It isn't 'disrespectful' to walk on your average front garden wall. Obviously dry-stone walls and the like are out, but a solid brick structure in good condition is clearly not going to be damaged in any way by a toddler. A toddler holding a grandparent's hand also isn't going to fall (and in any case it's 4 feet not 8!), so you aren't really worried about safety. For reasons best known to yourself (it's not like it's a private space) you just feel possessive about the brick wall in front of your property, adjoining a public footpath. 'Its mine, all mine, so get off. ' At least own the madness of the sentiment!

You were mean and the grandma was rude.

YANBU. I wouldn't let my DC walk on someone's garden wall (I would if it was a public wall).

It's a helpful lesson in teaching DCs about respecting other peoples' property.

Just because a child has a notion to do something doesn't mean they can or should be indulged in it no matter what. There are some walls appropriate for walking on, and some which are not.

I agree with you OP - it's more evidence of the general disregard people have nowadays for others' property. And who would have been in trouble if the kid had fallen off and hurt itself???

YANBU, I know a family who were sued by a teenage girl who fell on their wall and got the tiniest scar on her inner thigh , she didn't win the case but it was a very distressing time for the family who were sued, and costly for them in terms of time and money too.

Yanbu -
Yes it’s nice to walk on walls, public ones.

Actually unusual, it would belong to the house owner. So it is legally "mine, all mine". I wouldn't likely see a queue of public waiting to help pay for it when it needs re-mortaring

I always feel sorry for people who have a bus stop in front of their front wall. All those bums lined up on it would freak me out eventually - I'd have to close the curtains!

"Those same adorable angels will still think it's ok to climb other people's walls when they're teens"

I can assure you that my DD having walked on a wall or two aged 3 holding granny's hand hasn't translated into the need to do it at age 12 - that would be weird, no?
Why do people always make these ludicrous jumps of logic? Do your teenagers lie on the floor banging their fists against the floor? Or eat using their fists Because toddlers do that too. Amazingly, they do this thing called growing up and learning appropriate behaviour for their age... You'll find parenting a lot more fun if you don't assume your kids will be doing at 18 what they did at 3.

People are so entitled nowadays.

you just feel possessive about the brick wall in front of your property

You do tend to feel possessive of something thatis part of something you spent thousands of pounds buying. It's almost like it's your possession .

I had a pre teen (or small teen) show up one day and sit on my hedge I called out the window at him not to do that got told to fuck off five minutes later him and his friends ran off screaming because there was a wasp nest under that hedge his arse was right on it

Apparently I was a bitch for not warning him

YANBU. It's easy to say that one toddler won't harm your wall, but the wall isn't designed to be walked on - a toddler could become the straw that broke the camel's back.

The OP spoke reasonably to the grandparent, politely expressing concern for the child's safety as the primary reason to take DGC off the wall - it's not as though the OP snarled 'Gerroff my land!'

It's the grandparent who's made an issue of this with the PA 'nasty lady' comments, not the OP. All the grandparent needed to say was 'OK, down you come' and it would have been a complete non-issue.

"I wouldn't likely see a queue of public waiting to help pay for it when it needs re-mortaring"

The toddler was walking on the wall, not scraping the mortar off the bricks. You'd need some pretty heavy-duty toddlers to start causing damage to a brick wall!

YANBU to say no.
However, if you start going on and on about this, you will become like my mother and that is really not a good look. Next step: peering out of the curtains and commenting to other people in the room about how someone coming down the street looks like they might be about to walk on your wall.
The woman was stupidly rude, laugh at her and then forget it.

It’s petty

Waiting to hear the justification for the GP passive-aggressively describing you as a 'nasty lady'.

I'm sure someone will be along in a minute.

Why do people always make these ludicrous jumps of logic?

It's not a ludicrous jump in logic. I live near a nursery, primary and secondary school. Every day I have children of all ages climbing my wall, walking through my garden, sitting for a good old natter and so forth. If you dont walk your teens home, you literally have no idea what they're doing on their walk home from school. I doubt many of the parents of the children I see have any idea what they get up to either, I bet most would be quite embarrassed.

Walking on walls is one of life's wee pleasures at that age.
I don't disagree, but there are walls and walls. I'd bet that if the child had fallen and got hurt, as the OP was worried about, the grandparent would have been up in arms about that too.

Like someone said upthread, if the toddler is the straw that breaks the camel's back, the wall could equally easily come down in a gust of strong wind, and is therefore dangerous to passers-by and needs fixing immediately.

To those going on about possession. If something does no damage and does not infringe your privacy, why the hell do you care?

you lost me until you mentioned the Roses ... I know of a child who lost the sight in an eye falling into a rose bush

Unusual yes I do think that tolerance and forbearance play a part of good manners. Do you think the grandmother behaved in a tolerant way to the OP? I don’t think being annoyed at someone walking over your private property (yes, it belongs to the homeowner not the public) is a sign of a lack of tolerance or forbearance. It’s the homeowner’s responsibility to maintain the wall and repair it if it gets damaged. It’s also the homeowner who would be the first to bear the brunt of any litigation should an accident occur. Even if they weren’t found responsible, the process is distressing.

vhs95 I live next to a bus stop. My wall needs more upkeep than is usual due to lots of people sitting on it several times each day. It’s due a knock down and rebuild any day soon. And then there are all the people who eat and drink whilst sitting on the wall then throw the remains or rubbish into the garden for us to clear up several times a day.

Didn't say that, unusual. Just in response to your point: "For reasons best known to yourself (it's not like it's a private space) you just feel possessive about the brick wall in front of your property, adjoining a public footpath. 'Its mine, all mine, so get off."

The reasons best known are that it IS hers, all hers, as the homeowner. Hardly "best known to yourself" like nobody could possibly imagine why they feel they own it - it's because actually they do. And the inferred suggestion that because it's adding a public footpath makes it public property. It doesn't, added to which the public wouldn't pay for any maintenance or repairs (whether or not they caused the need for it). It's the homeowner's financial responsibility and ownership so they can pretty much say who walks on it or not.