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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let a random child walk on my garden wall?

342 replies

CockysGirl · 06/02/2020 15:47

Just got in from work and was parking on my drive and a grandparent with a small child (2-3 years old) is lifting them up so that they can walk along my garden wall. They see me standing watching and say "DGC wants to walk on your wall, you don't mind do you?" So I replied, "I'd rather they didn't, it is a tall wall with lots of rose bushes next to it so they may get hurt and anyway, it is my private property" So the grandparent glared at me and huffed loudly and said "the nasty lady won't let you walk on her wall" and proceeded to make a big fuss about lifting DGC off the wall again! AIBU to not want kids walking on my garden wall?

OP posts:
elenacampana · 08/02/2020 11:16

You were petty and the grandparent was inappropriate.

I wouldn’t allow my 3yo niece to walk on someone’s wall but couldn’t care less if a child walked on mine. The wall outside my house has been there for 100+ years, I doubt a small child would be the one to see it off.

Can’t stand all this dramatic ‘what if’ stuff.

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 11:17

the response of the grandmother suggests that litigation would be heading your way if the child had been injured.

What a thoroughly ridiculous degree of stretch. Hmm

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 08/02/2020 11:44

Teenagers climbing over walls and trespassing is a completely different scenario Hmm

Billben · 08/02/2020 11:50

*the response of the grandmother suggests that litigation would be heading your way if the child had been injured.

What a thoroughly ridiculous degree of stretch. hmm*

I don’t think it is. The grandmother could have just apologised, taken the child off and that would have been the end of. But no, she had to call OP nasty and make a deal out of it.

I also hate it when people (usually CFs) say “you don’t mind, do you”. They expect you to feel awkward and just say, no and let them get their way. If you say yes, then you are being called nasty.

OP, I’m with you. But the grandmother would have been shown how nasty I really can get if she made a comment like that to me.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 08/02/2020 11:53

OP, I’m with you. But the grandmother would have been shown how nasty I really can get if she made a comment like that to me
Oh do tell of the nasty things you would do to a grandma with a toddler?

Onelovelyone · 08/02/2020 11:57

I think it’s really petty to object to this; the grandparent was aware of the roses and obviously held their hand. It’s such a small thing in the grand scheme of things but walking on walls as a little one isn’t going to cause damage to your property. However, if you object, perhaps you could put a sign up as I suspect it won’t be the last time it occurs and if you are unhappy with it, then that would resolve things.

Dontdisturbmenow · 08/02/2020 11:58

I also hate it when people (usually CFs) say “you don’t mind, do you
I personally hate when people stand and watch, usually with an unpleasant glare and smirk on their face and wait for the person stared out to make a polite comment to then respond in a defensive and agressive way. Totally passive agressive.

If OP had such an issue with it, it would have been much more polite to go the grandparent, saying hello, and then saying that she can see that the grandchild was having fun, but she was concerned about hurting herself and she would feel more comfortable if she didn't walk on it.

But standing and glaring is so much friendlier!!!!

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 12:01

But no, she had to call OP nasty and make a deal out of it.

A slightly heated response in the moment means she’d sue? Oh please, what nonsense. Hmm

Do we have any figures on people sued due to accidents to
toddlers walking on their wall btw? I’d be interested.

It comes back to this excellent point made upthread

Quite. And then the patheticness about hiding between "health & safety" when really it's about you just stamping your foot whining "its mine".

The ‘oh she’d sue’ is just a unconvincingattempt to justify the unpleasant culture that’s being created.

JacquesHammer · 08/02/2020 12:23

Sometimes “it’s mine” is important though. That’s why we have ownership Grin

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 12:26

Sometimes “it’s mine” is important though. That’s why we have ownership

Sure.

But in this case we have to weigh up a very innocent pursuit, happening at the very edge of the property, with minimal chance of any damage done.

BackBoiler · 08/02/2020 12:29

I did the same but the kids were about 8-10 years old and their mum was with them....she was sat on the wall and they were climbing on it. My 6 yo DD sorted it out. "Gerroff our beautiful wall...and your muvver should know better". She is a cheeky little s**t at times but at other times it's quite useful!

BottleOfJameson · 08/02/2020 12:31

the response of the grandmother suggests that litigation would be heading your way if the child had been injured.

Oh my god of course it wouldn't! The grandparent was a bit rude that doesn't mean they're going to start a ridiculous law suit which would be dismissed very quickly anyway.

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/02/2020 12:32

Sometimes "its mine" is important though.

Yes, but not on this occasion. On this occasion the OP was being miserable and petty.

ChipotleBlessing · 08/02/2020 12:32

You were being v petty, though 4 feet is taller than I’d be comfortable with a toddler walking along.

people fearing their walls might collapse if a 2 year-old holding a hand walked on them, in that case your walls are a massive fucking hazard adjoining a pavement and could easily fall down if someone on the pavement stumbled against them. Get your walls fixed before they kill someone.

Alsohuman · 08/02/2020 12:33

Sometimes "its mine" is important though

Indeed, a garden wall doesn’t fall into that category.

JacquesHammer · 08/02/2020 12:35

Indeed, a garden wall doesn’t fall into that category

Yours might not. Mine is a dry-stone wall. Costly and difficult to repair and not designed to be walked on. I would prefer people didn’t (especially as they have to walk on to my property to do so. And people still do it!)

Cacaca · 08/02/2020 14:19

I have within the last 5 minutes had a group of 3 girls about 10 climb onto my wall. As I have previously said, at the front of the house it’s very low but as you head round the side it’s at least 10 feet. They didn’t walk all the way round, however one decided to jump up and sit on my fence. Thankfully she was only up for about 30 seconds so no time for me to tell her to get down as I don’t want my fence damaged by someone sitting on it and secondly, due to the wind, had she fallen she would have tumbled back into my garden.
Judging by a lot of the responses here, I’m probably very unreasonable for even planning telling her to get down.

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 14:31

Judging by a lot of the responses here, I’m probably very unreasonable for even planning telling her to get down

Of course not. 3 ten year olds are totally different to a supervised toddler. Obviously.

Cacaca · 08/02/2020 14:34

Obviously a 3 year old is different from a 3 year old @lauriemarlow. I’m not an idiot so thanks for pointing that out.

Cacaca · 08/02/2020 14:34

10 year old even 🙄

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 14:39

So why would you say this then?

Judging by a lot of the responses here, I’m probably very unreasonable for even planning telling her to get down.

It’s a totally different situation.

74NewStreet · 08/02/2020 14:41

What is the difference? A 10 year old climbing on a wall is a child who 8 years ago was taught by their doting granny that other people’s property was perfectly fine to use for your own entertainment, and if anyone objected, you’d just call them a nasty old bag and go and misuse somebody else’s property instead.

Cacaca · 08/02/2020 14:43

Because people are being criticised for not being happy about anybody sitting on their walls - people who have houses that happen to be next to bus stops - unreasonable that they do not wish people to sit there. Also going by plenty threads on here unreasonable to even dare to request a child does not do something. Snippy.

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 14:49

Because people are being criticised for not being happy about anybody sitting on their walls

The OP is about a 2 year old walking on the wall. I certainly didn’t comment on sitting.

What is the difference? A 10 year old climbing on a wall is a child who 8 years ago was taught by their doting granny that other people’s property was perfectly fine to use for your own entertainment, and if anyone objected, you’d just call them a nasty old bag and go and misuse somebody else’s property instead.

Different standards of behaviour are expected for 2 year olds versus 10 year olds. I thought we were all saying we knew the difference between them? There are many, many things that are appropriate for my two year old to do that are not appropriate for a 10 year old and anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that.

LaurieMarlow · 08/02/2020 14:50

And parents appropriately

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