Why don't you drive. ?

[Fivetillmidnight]

So many posts here from women with various issues , (mostly logistical) with an 'aside' of ... 'dp/DH drives I don't '.

AIBU to suggest that IF you have a car in the family ... AND you have at least one functioning eye, and either feet or hands that work well and no reason that the DVLA would ban you from driving for , then you should learn ?

My moderate/severe categorised Dss has just passed his test. ( well done him !) with the help of Motorbility . Surely if he can do it then there is no excuse not to learn ? and relieve the burden for a family where one is the sole driver (normally the man) .

But equally applicable to a family where the women does all the transportation.

Obviously not an issue for those who don't need a car. This refers to those where a car is used for the family and one adult does ALL the driving .

it's absolute tripe that people don't angle for lifts. Happens all the time, and it always has.
The vast majority of people who ask my husband for lifts are other drivers in the family who are too tight to pay for taxis, public transport or airport parking and think because DH gets company car and fuel he can provide a free service.

Woman B is a grown up and gets to make her own choices, actually.

@Alsohuman

MNet is bonkers about anyone getting a perceived advantage in life where they should otherwise have suffered.

That's why builders are never allowed to ask for tea ("they're paid enough as it is!") or people who want to use P&C spaces are CFs because ("we didn't have them in my day, just park further away!") and anyone who wants to ask their mate for a favour and a lift is a joke because ("well I pay thousands for my car, why should they benefit for free?")

Just depressing, where's the generosity of spirit?

I have spent thousands leading to drive and fail my test every time! I've tried different instructors who all say my problem is I'm hyper aware of things so far ahead I don't concentrate on the stuff just in front of me! I've never had an accident or been slow to react but I've failed for things so outside of my control I gave up. My first test another learner driver pulled off on a roundabout in front of me, he stopped on the roundabout can't see why but he did, the roundabout was clear so I pulled off behind him, stopped and didn't go into the back of him but only just. I pulled off before he stopped so I don't understand what I did wrong, but apparently it's a fail 🤷🏻‍♀️
My second test we got stuck in a massive traffic jam wasn't able to actually do any driving so was given another test date 😭
My 3rd test I failed because another driver became really aggressive as I was a bit slow pulling off at a junction, tbf I gave him the finger after he pulled alongside me giving me abuse, probably not my best reaction 😂
4th test was cancelled because of snow I took that as a sign and gave up!

@gindaddy

Overwhelmingly when half of a couple can't drive, it's the woman. Because apparently they're all terrified of driving yet perfectly happy to be ferried round by their husbands.

None of them had an opportunity to learn but all the men did? That doesn't make sense. Driving isn't any more accessible for men than women.

My mum and dad were great drivers and fantastically patient, my mum was a teacher so used to explaining things but they didn’t teach me to drive as they didn’t think it was safe. I was very lucky that they had the disposable income to get me lessons and a car, insurance etc, because even on my Saturday job wage I wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

I agree it’s a life skill and I’m already saving for DS to learn but I think suggesting any driving adult could teach you is a bit of a stretch! I wouldn’t have wanted to learn in a car without dual controls.

Yet your dh managed to learn.

Not the car he learned to drive in, though.

I don't think this works as a comparison. I moved out at 18, and the wages from my first job went on rent, council tax, water bills and so on. I didn't particularly want to learn to drive, but even if I had, I wouldn't have prioritised it over rent.

If I'd gone on to marry a bloke who'd had a totally different teenage experience and learnt to drive at 17, that wouldn't rewrite my financial history.

@Shinycat in your scenario women are equally vulnerable if they personally lose the ability to drive for whatever reason. That's why the only solution is to avoid the countryside like the plague, lest you be stuck there forever...

I have a licence but haven't driven for a while. A car went into the back of me at a roundabout and I drove less and less from then.

I know others and I would be much safer if I didn't drive. It is the riskiest thing you can do and if you're not confident, then it is not entirely reasonable no to. I walk to most places and take publlic transport. I would like to get back into driving again incase something happens to dh but I would definitely need refresher lessons.

These threads don't help. If someone chooses not to drive then at that's one less car on the road with a nervous driver.

@JamieVardysHavingAParty

Seems strange that all the husbands on this thread had wealthy upbringings and could afford to learn to drive when young yet none of the women did.

It makes no sense.

Because I'm rubbish at it and was throwing good money after bad.

@formerbabe

Ok, so that's a completely different argument, I didn't realise that's what you were driving at (so to speak!)

Yes, it seems of note that it's often women who don't drive when it's a couple where one drives, one doesn't.

I don't know what the statistics bear out here, nor do I understand the social factors.

I just think at the end of the day there are two different arguments here

• Whether people should feel obligated to drive if someone is a driver in their house. That's the premise of the OP

• Whether (some!) women are perhaps more cautious about driving, and therefore don't take up the skill. That's a premise that has arisen during the debate on here.

Yes whether anyone drives or not is neither here nor there to me. It's the feminist aspect which riles me. Women relying on their husbands because they're so petrified of driving. I find it embarrassing.

many women are going to be properly fucked if their DH dies, or leaves them, or cannot drive because he is ill.

That makes a huge assumption that many women have never been single as an adult.

I'm prepared to accept there might be some non-driving women who partnered up with a driver at 18 years old and have never been single for any significant period since, but most of us won't be in that position. I was in my thirties by the time I got together with a driver (previous LTRs were with other non-drivers). We've also had gaps since marriage when we were between cars.

Furthermore, my husband and I are not joined at the hip - we often go away separately, leaving me car-less at home or using the train if I'm going away. I don't deny that it's convenient to have a household car, but it's not the be-all and end-all.

I don't drive because it terrifies me. I tried to learn for about a year but was as hopeless at the end of it as when I started. I just don't have very good co-ordination or spatial awareness - I can't seem to predict e.g. how fast a vehicle is going or how far away it is (even as a pedestrian I am an over-cautious road-crosser, the one standing on the pavement until the road is completely clear). I was constantly getting told off for doing the wrong thing when I tried to learn, but it was always news to me that my instinctive reaction in a situation was wrong .

Come on this is totes a feminist issue. I’m not of course, whilst perpetuating another female stereotype but that’s ok.

It's the feminist aspect which riles me. Women relying on their husbands because they're so petrified of driving. I find it embarrassing.

I'm confused by this viewpoint. Would it be less embarrassing if I were married to a woman and relied on her? What about if I moved in with my sister and let her do the driving?

"Women relying on their husbands because they're so petrified of driving. I find it embarrassing."

Oh the irony.

Come on this is totes a feminist issue. I’m not of course, whilst perpetuating another female stereotype but that’s ok

Another dig at me for being a sahm I presume.

Difference is I haven't said that I'm too scared to get a job. I haven't said my dh is better at working than I am.

GinDaddy if someone’s partner was staying at their house without contributing to bills we wouldn’t all applaud them for freeing up some housing by not renting their own place.
I forgo drinking and funds to drive on a night out, my friends can drive they just don’t want to pay for a car. That’s fine but I didn’t choose to drive to give lifts and formerbabe is right in saying it’s super awkward to say no.

As a complete non sequitur/aside, I really wish some folk I see driving would have the same kind of reverence/respect for the road and its users that some of the posters on here have cited.

Just that sense of "i'm piloting a two tonne weapon, I could take a life" would actually stop some of the nonsense I see every day.

Respect to those who are nervous; if it's something you want to overcome and you really want to drive, then apologies as I realise that's a thing in itself.

But if you're simply saying "I don't feel up to doing it, it's not for me" then fair enough! At least you respect that it's a dangerous activity worthy of consideration.

formerbabe

To be fair, lots of things are odd on MN! Multiple weird social factors may be at work though.

I don’t see how formerbabe being a SAHM is relevant tbh- she said she worked before, clearly it works for her family to be at home. Women refusing to drive when they can is not for the greater good of their family?!

Another dig at me for being a sahm I presume

Not at all. It’s criticism because you’re picking and choosing your “feminist issues”.

I was a SAHM. Difference is I was self-funded. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a choice that promoted feminism on a wider plain and I wasn’t relying on a man to support me.

I don’t like driving and would give it up if I could find someone to chauffeur me about 😬
My Dsis doesn’t drive as she says there’s just too much to contend with and feels she would be a danger on the road, which is fair enough.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I forgo drinking and funds to drive on a night out, my friends can drive they just don’t want to pay for a car.

You're putting and projecting your life choices onto someone else here.

If you choose to drive somewhere, that's fine. You choose not to drink? Presumably you don't have to pay for your mates' drinks either?

What I was trying to say is, if

• You don't drink but you put the money on driving, then generosity could look like giving your mate a lift.

• If your mates drink but don't drive, their generosity could be buying you all your drinks all night in exchange.

What I was trying to say was surely there's some give and take in all this? Otherwise we'd all have to tot up to the bar, individually pay our way, then get our individual forms of transport at the end of the night, so no one felt cheated. Not my style in any case.