To not want to waste annual leave on unwell child?

[coffeeforone]

DH & I work full time and DC (age 1 and 3) go to nursery. If they are ill we alternate staying at home with them. I can do my job from home but my employer doesn't really encourage it, if DC is unwell and its my turn then I usually say I'll work remotely, doing as much as I can and make up the work in the evening once DH gets home. I don't think they are keen on this as I've done it 3 times since October and I don't get the impression they like it. They say 'ok, as a one off' but try to make alternative arrangements for next time. My alternatives would be:

1. emergency unpaid leave (legal right I think). Can't really afford lots of these days, and I don't think they'd like this either.
2. call in sick myself (I would get paid but it's a bit fraudulent). I'm never Ill myself if that makes a difference.
3. last minute holiday (which could potentially mean needing to cancel booked holiday or asking for unpaid leave

There are no alternatives are there. What would your employer ask you to do?

I have a flexible employee and a large age gap between my children. If the older one is ill (he is 7) then I can easily work from home. I plonk him with a duvet on the sofa and I sit next to him writing emails whilst he watches a film. No issues with that (he is never ill either). With the 18mnth old you just can’t wfh and care for him. Normally my dh and I would both stay at home take 1/2 day unpaid leave each and wfh the other half.
My boss always says “don’t worry about logging the half day” as he knows I’m productive, has never had to chase me for a deadline etc.
He is awesome.

I should add that we do have a nanny for the youngest (share with another family) and as long as it isn’t norovirus it’s BAU. My eldest was ALOT as a toddler and I had a lot of family bereavements as well, my employer was dreadful. Life feels like a breeze now for a number of reasons. My boss is ace and gives me freedom (but I always deluvwe6 and also my toddler doesn’t have asthma, food allergies etc like my eldest did.

Most employers would get you to take it as leave or unpaid.

I can work from home but it's on the understanding that I have childcare while I am working. You cannot do your job properly and look after a sick child at the same time and I'm not surprised your work aren't keen.

The options are usually:

• make the time up as overtime
• take annual leave
• take unpaid leave

If I ever caught a member of staff pretending to be sick when in fact they were looking after their child they'd be looking at disciplinary action. It's fraud not just for the company but to the government.

I always keep two weeks of holiday unbooked until January so I can use it for this purpose.

It sucks though when your DC are little and they catch everything.

It’s a bit sad that you think caring for a sick child is a waste of your annual leave. It is absolutely part of being a working parent and we always kept some leave unbooked for this.

I always keep some annual leave spare for this, not a lot else I can do. Can't even share it with DH as he's often at work before DD and I are up.

@ TheBouquets

“I would wonder which is more important. Looking after your poorly child or keeping the boss happy.” - depends how much you value your job?

“Businesses having adults with children working for them need to factor in the possibility of a child being ill and an adult needing time off.” - And is employers avoid employing women who have kids, or are of child bearing age they get in trouble.

“Adults with children need to find employers who understand about children getting sick” - It’s not about employers understanding, it’s about some jobs being more flexible than others.

You can’t have it all ways, wanting gender equality in the work place, but wanting your job bent to fit your motherhood.

An employer isn’t obliged to accommodate a persons choice to have kids when they don’t have coverage from family/friends. How would you feel if your surgery was cancelled over and over because your surgeon had three absences from work in 3 months? Despite what many people think... you actually can’t have it all.

That said, when flexibility is possible, I think it’s great that employers accommodate parenting (I guess the lucky few can have it all) 😏

What would my employer say.... Leave them, and come to work! They were a shit company, who I wouldn't recommend to anyone... Not even someone desperate for a job, any job!

Under the law, you are entitled to unpaid dependants leave for each unplanned day. It's not s whole week, it can be a whole or part day (get a call in the afternoon). It when you have dependants, who rely on you for their care... IE kids under 18.

You could request to take it as annual leave.

Personally for the odd one off, I'd like and say you got the 💩💩💩💩💩💩. They can't prove anything!

Medically you don't need to have eaten anything special, your body can just decide it wants to have a clear out!

I get 5 day’s per year carers leave which covers this

Well this is what happens when you have kids! Hence why mums didn't have full time jobs - because being a mum is already more than full time.

I get that some mums want a career and others want stuff but think about the kids not wanting to be in day care all day, put them first before you have them - don't want to spend leave looking after them then change jobs or look after kids full time.

And before i get everyone having a pop at me i gave up a city career, downsized everything and became a full time mum so yes it can be done. And no I don't have savings to rely on or a partner but my kids are happy, chilled, lovely people that get to have a normal kid life not stuck in mass produced care. No I don't have a flash car or designer stuff - it's just not needed.

Now they are at school I work school hrs term time. I work with kids and the ones in before and after school care and nursery are so broken compared to home raised kids - the world needs to change!

And clearly you have such a fulfilling life that you spend some of it coming onto threads of absolutely no relevance to you to deliberately try and make other women feel bad, bemusedmoose - really a mark of someone who feels secure in their choices!

I’ve worked in a really flexible, pro-family workplace for 5 years and the parents really take the piss with it, tbh. Can’t count the number of times I’ve been lumbered with projects because someone else is treating their dependants leave as additional annual leave. I’ve every sympathy for working parents but as someone without kids, it gets bloody old.

My suggestion would be to ask for flexi time if you don’t have it. Accrue it, then bank it for days of kid illness.

work for a local council, use flexi. it's ace for things like this. or DH and I have split a day and taken turns to look after ill child.

I work remotely and alternate days with dh. My dc are 11 and 8 so are less needy than younger dc. Last time dd1 was ill I worked from home and as I want interrupted constantly (open plan office and I support lots of teams) I actually launched a big project that had been on my to do list for ages. I only went full time from part time because my employer showed they would accept I'm a parent and allow 2-way flexibility.

This is one of the things that really boils my blood about how the UK and many other countries see caring for dependents. When my youngest was very little we had almost no time off as a family for over a year because of us burning through all our annual leave for the odd day off when dc was sick.

Of course I don't see it was "wasting" our annual leave caring for sick children and I do it gladly, but it is a poor reflection on the government that this is how little they value the contribution of carers in general. What often happens in nursery setting too is that kids are sent in when contagious because parents can't afford the time off, and others catch whatever it is.

We moved to Sweden a few years ago. The difference is night and day. Parental leave is generous and paid at 80% by the state. You can use it for the odd day here and there too for doctors appointments etc up to when the child is eight. If your child is sick there is another sort of time off that everyone is entitled to that is also generous and paid by the state. People here accept that most people have kids at some point, and that they will get sick. And it is just as common for men to take time off to care for children as it is for women. In my experience there is no sour grapes over having to pick up slack for colleagues with kids or other dependents, largely because the work life balance is very good and work targets are not unrealistic.

You can tell a lot about a government by how it treats its more vulnerable members of society, and the value it places on their care.

OP, you have a legal right to request flexible working. I would raise it with your management especially highlighting the benefits to your company and no affect on performance. Companies hate this this but its your work life balance not anyone else's

See the government details about, even how to appeal
www.gov.uk/flexible-working

OP, you have a legal right to request flexible working. I would raise it with your management especially highlighting the benefits to your company and no affect on performance. Companies hate this this but its your work life balance not anyone else'

But what sort of flexible working arrangement would do fix this? If you mean she should ask for an arrangement where she can make up missed hours when she likes then it seems pretty likely, given what she's already said, that they'll turn down that request as it doesn't meet business needs, which is also their legal right. OP and her employer disagree on whether her taking a paid day off and then working in the evening is ok, and putting that in as a formal request is unlikely to change that.

"I always keep some annual leave spare for this"

when your children are in school rather than nursery and you have to find childcare for 14 weeks holiday, you'll sadly find there is no spare annual leave.

OP, you have a legal right to request flexible working.

Flexible working doesn’t mean taking time off whenever you fancy.

when your children are in school rather than nursery and you have to find childcare for 14 weeks holiday, you'll sadly find there is no spare annual leave

rubbish. no-one can cover 14 weeks with AL anyway, so whether you use all of your leave for school holidays or keep a week back for emergencies is immaterial.

You’re entitled to take unpaid dependents’ leave. Or you can take holiday. Your employer sounds flexible to me.

What you can’t do is “work from home” and undertake childcare at the same time.

When ds was very small I received up to 5 days' dependants' leave, I don't think I ever had anything like that anywhere else.

But once he got older I could genuinely work from home because he just lay on the sofa and watched TV all day, he wasn't a distraction at all. But they need to be at least 5/6 before you can do that.

Also, I worked a 4 day week so I could potentially swap onto my non-working day and go into the office then.

OP and her employer disagree on whether her taking a paid day off and then working in the evening is ok, and putting that in as a formal request is unlikely to change that

They'd have to articulate why though. If you are in a job where clients don't care if you're on top of a mountain, on the beach or on the office when you do their work as long as it's done on time and to the right quality standards, you could easily do what the OP wants to do. But if eg you need to be available for calls in office hours, then it may not work. But an employer needs to come up with a business reason, not just because the manager doesn't like the idea.

'waste annual leave'? isn't looking after your child a priority?