To not want to waste annual leave on unwell child?

[coffeeforone]

DH & I work full time and DC (age 1 and 3) go to nursery. If they are ill we alternate staying at home with them. I can do my job from home but my employer doesn't really encourage it, if DC is unwell and its my turn then I usually say I'll work remotely, doing as much as I can and make up the work in the evening once DH gets home. I don't think they are keen on this as I've done it 3 times since October and I don't get the impression they like it. They say 'ok, as a one off' but try to make alternative arrangements for next time. My alternatives would be:

1. emergency unpaid leave (legal right I think). Can't really afford lots of these days, and I don't think they'd like this either.
2. call in sick myself (I would get paid but it's a bit fraudulent). I'm never Ill myself if that makes a difference.
3. last minute holiday (which could potentially mean needing to cancel booked holiday or asking for unpaid leave

There are no alternatives are there. What would your employer ask you to do?

Unpaid leave or annual leave at my work place. They are very flexible but you really can't productively work from home with a 1 and 3 year old.

Before you had children, who did you think would look after them when they were unwell? Or did you just plan for the nice bits like holidays and weekends.

Not allowed here in my work but everyone does it! Our bosses don't want to know. All sorts of excuses about sudden deliveries, emergency leaks etc on their non working home days. Some have wfh on a specific day and I know they have their (older) kids home to save money on childcare.

I spent about 5 years with young kids sick and had to take days off between myself and DH, that's life though, we had barely time to take a holiday, had to suck it up.

On the pigs back now

I’ve always used annual leave - it’s a shame to lose the leave but it’s just one of those things when you’re a parent. You are not losing leave. You are using leave as it is meant for, taking time aoff work for your needs.
Yes, I don't want to waste annual leave. I work hard and really look forward to enjoying our summer holidays as a family, taking time off at Christmas, taking DC to visit family and friends who live far away. I don't want to reduce those precious 25 days. Sorry if that makes me a terrible parent
Jesus wept, your kid is ill and you see it as a 'waste' to take aome of your allocated time off.

Typically company policies don't ask for proof that your kids are sick but they can ask you for a sick note when you have over 5 days in the UK, and there are policies to manage sickness absences when it's considered too much. Some people have suggested that you call in sick for yourself but you're screwed if you get caught (if you're using the same childcare provider as a colleague they might know your child is ill so that's a risk, or even mentioning your child is ill or being questioned on your symptoms). There is an expectation on fair comparable treatment so if your boss accommodates you every time your child is sick, he or she is obliged to do the same for everyone, and there's then a risk of people using "my dependent is sick" as a get-out-of-work free card. There have to be limits to everything and it sounds like your work so far are trying to accommodate you without setting a precedent to allow everyone to work from home with zero notice by stating that a dependent is ill.

Quite lucky in that despite no family support, both DH's and my work (both HEIs) offer paid dependents' leave. It's only the first day on each occasion but as our DC (also 3 and 1!) only go to nursery on Weds and Fri, so far, we've only ever needed to use one day each time. We also take it in turns.. Saying that though there have still been quite a few times since August last year (when I went back to work!) they have been ill. Am conscious not to take the piss so means I usually go in if I'm sick! (Not with D or V I hasten to add!)

If your employer is making noises that they aren’t happy with your WFH plans when kids are sick then stop doing it before it seriously impacts on your career progression.

Tbh the early years with kids are just a bit shit.
We took wither AL or unpaid emergency leave and just accepted we were lucky if we ended up with enough leave left for a couple of weeks a week as a family.

One year when DS2 had loads of tonsillitis we just about both used up all our AL in entirety.
I remember once being thrilled it was Easter weekend when 2 of the kids got D&V as we both had the four days including the BH. Have to laugh when you are pleased your long weekend is taken up with puking kids but hey that’s life

It gets better OP
Don’t sacrifice your good reputation and trust at work for the sake of a weeks AL. Just suck it up for now and you will be glad you did in the long run.

Oh, one time my director suggested I WFH when one was ill (I didn't take her up on it!).. She actually has a DD herself though a 20-year-old so I can only think she's forgotten what having toddlers is like!

Wow I’m lucky - I work from home as needed as does husband; different employers. Both employers understand that these things happen. We both get the work done but not at standard times.

I work in a professional career with regular remote access (global company/dispersed teams) but husband works in a service industry and they are still flexible and understanding.

You need new, more understanding and flexible employers OP. Life gets in the way sometimes and those that need flexibility (not just parents!) shouldn’t be made to feel like pariahs!

Jesus wept, your kid is ill and you see it as a 'waste' to take aome of your allocated time off

Jesus wept, eh? Imagine wanting to enjoy some of your life and not just endure it

We used to have paid dependents leave at my place but, as often happens, unfortunately a few employees abused it and they changed it to unpaid.

I’m a single mum to a toddler who’s dad is not involved and with no family around, I get the first day of sickness as paid and then it’s annual leave.

I had to use annual leave. I sometimes had to use my entire year’s worth of leave looking after a sick child - in hospital a lot.

25raviolidreaming

Jesus wept, your kid is ill and you see it as a 'waste' to take aome of your allocated time off

Jesus wept, eh? Imagine wanting to enjoy some of your life and not just endure it hmm

Presumably the kid wont be sick for 25 days.
Thousands of parents every year including my self gain the past have used annual leave as its intended, to do things yu need or want to do. With dick kids wve had to split the week with Dp and take it in turns to be off.
You can't really work from home effectively. Maybe offer to make horse up but that would mean spending more time away from family. Un paid?

Everywhere I've worked I've been allowed to take a day paid if DC were ill but the expectation is that you make arrangements for their care for the days afterwards.

I took today off for a boiler service. A day last week for the car. Sometimes you have to use a days leave. Leave isn't just for a family holiday. Lucky if some places give parental leave, but honestly your children are your responsibility not your employers.

I'd call in sick myself tbh and do that a couple of times before resorting to using A/L.

It sounds like your employer isn't a great one - I've worked at companies where they demand long hours, eves and weekends but are also then OK if there's a need to wfh and I'd expect this with a poorly child, so long as it wasn't every week. Therefore I wouldn't feel guilty about lying about being off sick as it sounds like you do way more than your contracted hours.

I'm lucky as I'm allowed to make time up and we also accrue time, so I tend to keep half a day Flexi for this purpose. In exchange for taking the time as flexi i log on to emails and am available on the phone to my boss/ colleagues but not clients. I have on occasion been asked to take annual leave but then I'm not contactable.

Annual leave when you're a parent has to fit round the children and can't just be used when you want to use it. DH and I spent years taking opposite annual leave in the school holidays so we minimised the amount of childcare we had to pay for. So did virtually every parent I know.
It's perfectly normal to plan to keep back a few days annual leave to cover things like child illness. When they start school you also have to use them for "very important school events that the school only tell you about at a few days notice".
If you've had 3 days off since October, I think your work have been more than accommodating.

This is why I didn't work, we relocated and had no cover for sick days.
No time off paid or unpaid back then.
Ill child, tough see you at 8.30 etc.
Boy we've come a long way since then.
Having a baby, you have 6 months off including any you take before the birth. We can sack you for being pg too.

I know it's tough when dc are little and ill, but you just have to do what's available.

At age 1 and 3 you really need to save some leave to cover child illness. They’re germs little things at that age - I remember using up a significant portion of my leave covering sick days.

It’s not their problem if you can’t afford unpaid leave and you’ve booked actual holidays for all your holidays. What do you expect them to do? You’re employed to do a job, and it’s reasonable for them to expect you to be working rather than looking after a sick toddler whilst glancing at your computer.

My employer will let me take unplanned leave, we do have a special leave policy but it’s limited - they try to be as flexible as possible within reason. They’d be fine with me working in the evening to make up time but then again I seem to spend a lot of time working in the evening anyway because my job is mental busy!

I see it’s been suggested previously but why not use a nanny rather than a nursery OP. With two really little children it makes more sense in many ways. Nannies look after sick DC.

A nanny is cheaper...and we look after them when they are ill!

Calling in sick when your child is ill got someone at work a disciplinary.

I used to do a mix of WFH in small chunks, with leave for the rest - so say I'd managed 8 hrs work over 3 days of an ill child my very understanding boss would let me put in 2 days leave.

DH used to take leave - no way he could wfh.

We used to share it as much as possible, although my Mum did come up for the week when we had chicken pox, she generally didnt for shorter term /unpredictable length illnesses.

@coffeeforone
Do you work for a very large employer? Lots of these offer a week of paid emergency leave for these circumstances. If you worked for a large employer you could contact HR and ask if they would be open to looking at this type of policy? My company is FTSE100 and offer this and also a week of emergency nanny cover (although this is a bit weird as I personally would only then WFH if I had a stranger looking after my young child).

Another point - have your kids been genuinely ill? I’ve heard a lot of people move their kids nursery as some places are way way over cautious.