To not want to waste annual leave on unwell child?

[coffeeforone]

DH & I work full time and DC (age 1 and 3) go to nursery. If they are ill we alternate staying at home with them. I can do my job from home but my employer doesn't really encourage it, if DC is unwell and its my turn then I usually say I'll work remotely, doing as much as I can and make up the work in the evening once DH gets home. I don't think they are keen on this as I've done it 3 times since October and I don't get the impression they like it. They say 'ok, as a one off' but try to make alternative arrangements for next time. My alternatives would be:

1. emergency unpaid leave (legal right I think). Can't really afford lots of these days, and I don't think they'd like this either.
2. call in sick myself (I would get paid but it's a bit fraudulent). I'm never Ill myself if that makes a difference.
3. last minute holiday (which could potentially mean needing to cancel booked holiday or asking for unpaid leave

There are no alternatives are there. What would your employer ask you to do?

I get a weeks dependant leave a year.

Other times I have to use my annual leave/flexi leave or toil.

DH’s job is so inflexible 99% of the time it falls to me. He gets 28 days leave a year and it’s all fixed by the company bar 5 days I think, so unless the kids are sick when he’s off it’s normally me who picks up the slack.

On the flip side Dh works shifts so it it falls on his lates I can work in the morning and work from home in the afternoon.

Until home working became the norm, I always took annual leave. Was just the way if was as we also had no family to ask.

We were quite lucky as our kids were quite robust so it was max five days between them each year.

I can now work from home when they are off and work is ok about it but it rarely happens but I’m very aware that could change.

It’s so hard if you don’t have family help

I work from home - but literally within DD's nap time, I then make up the hours in the evening and can spread over the course of a week or so if I really needed to. That being said, wouldn't work if DD was sick more than the odd day.

We get 3 days emergency dependents leave and then after that it would either be unpaid leave or AL.

Sorry but why on Earth should your employer be the one inconvenienced by your children ?

You’ve had some leeway already by being allowed to work from home, but you’re being paid to do a job during set hours in the office. Working at home with children about is not the same - you are no where near as effective and not always available when needed. You are not holding up your end of the deal here.

Annual leave is just that, leave. Its to be used as needed and that includes things like waiting in for workmen, kids assemblies etc... It is not solely for holidays, but people nowadays seem to think annual leave is for holidays and they should get extra (paid) leave by just throwing sickies.

It’s crap, but at the end of the day they’re your children, not your employers. Do your job and make suitable arrangements for your kids.

Not sure why some people have posted snide comments. OP is simply saying it seams a shame to use up annual leave (precious family time) when children are ill. Therefore the more ill your child is the less fun time they have as a family, I can see why this doesn’t seem fair. If your boss is expecting you to use annual leave is there a way to negotiate an increase to your annual leave allowance? Or flexible working hours? Emergency childcare is fine in theory but it’s tough leaving a 1 or 3 year old with someone they don’t know.

You need to find an emergency nanny. If you don't want to use leave and you can't work from home with a child then I can't see what other solution there is?

Call in sick for yourself. Annual leave is too precious when both parents work full time.

How much work are you getting done with a poorly baby in the house?

I can work from home because it doesn’t matter when my work is done and I always make sure it is clear what my output is. But if my employer expected me to be working at home between 9 and 5, I couldn’t do it, especially if I had poorly very young children in the house.

For us it's the norm to take emergency annual leave but if I was short they would let me take unpaid. We can buy extra holiday if we want. I would consider working from home with a child who was 5+ and happy infront of the TV by themselves for longer periods

We were always quite fortunate. OH works evenings and weekends and I work 4 days so there was at most 2 days to cover. My folks could often help but in my last job I got paid dependant leave so I would take that if needed. Not needed to take it in my current job but my bosses are pretty understanding about these things. Mine are now on 11 and 13 so I’d probably just be able to leave them at home now.

I would offer to take unpaid leave or work remotely and make the hours up as before, and see which they prefer.

Also when our youngest napped a lot and we knew she would likely not be in nursery, my husband would start mega early and do 7-3, I'd look after her in the morning and put her down for a long nap at 12 and do 12-7 and he'd look after her when she woke up at 3 so we were both just about managing a slightly shorter day

Cant do that any more really though as she doesnt nap as long now

Your kids your problem unpaid leave or annual leave.

I am currently extremely fortunate in that my employers (a board of Trustees) have just voted in 5 days paid leave to cover child illness. I was flabbergasted. I am the only employee. If it doesn't get used its lost.

It came about as a result of a conversation where I was explaining to my Chair (my new line manager) how much annual leave I had left and that I was saving a couple of days in case either child was ill.

Previously I've always made sure I've worked part time so that, with the agreement of my employer, I could make time up on a normal non-working day. I've used time off in lieu and flexitime when relevant. I've shared with DH and asked for family support (not easy and now non-existent) when able. Then as a last resort I've used annual leave.

If I'd used all my annual leave my plan was to take the unpaid leave that we are entitled to (under certain circumstances) to replace my annual leave but would have to budget accordingly.

During one bad phase of illness I started researching other types of care at home that could be paid for to get us through. Never needed it. That might be an option?

Why mention fairness? Paid days are nothing to do with fairness. Some people are luckier to be able use all for holiday purpose, others for childcare.

It is also unfair that some people get 20 days whilst others get 35. Should everyone only get 20 to make it fair?

Calling in sick to look after children is one of the leading reasons for the gender pay gap.

Employers are always made out to be the bad guys but the fact that fraudently claiming pay is being presented as a genuine solution is really dispicable.

I know it’s frustrating, but while they are that little I keep all my annual leave for their Illnesses. My company is actually very generous saying that I don’t have to take holiday if my DD is ill, but I would feel too guilty not.

I use annual leave if I have it, otherwise its unpaid dependants leave.

It is annoying, but what would you suggest? Some offer x amount of days paid for such things, but it's usually beyond a sick as in just off school or nursery child, and offset by others things. If you didn't have children would you feel it fair for others to have time off paid several times a year?

Calling in sick to look after children is one of the leading reasons for the gender pay gap.

Then fathers should call in sick to look after children. That would narrow the gap.

It's another tough thing about being a working parent.
I used to take unpaid leave rather than use annual leave as I didn't want holidays impacted by not having sufficient days left.
Even if I could have afforded it, I would not have palmed my sick kids off on family / friends / emergency nannies as I feel it rather inconsiderate to spread germs plus my DC would have wanted me to care for them if they were feeling rotten.
If you have the option of working from home go with it. Get the work done. Probably wise to have a formal conversation with your employers to establish some clear guidelines for situations like this in the future!

One of my employers gave us 10 days of free emergency childcare/eldercare per year, which was amazing (city law firm).

Everywhere else I've worked, I've had to save some annual leave to cover DC's hospital appointments, illness, etc.

So IME, it's more usual to use annual leave, but some employers have great benefits mainly the ones who don't want you to leave the office ever...

I am taking annual leave. The employer is flexible in that the leave can be booked on the morning of the emergency, rather than in advance. In 2019/20 holiday year so far I took 17 days for emergencies / child sickness and 5 for Christmas, and I really hope that nothing major happens before the end of March (when the holiday year restarts). I cannot imagine the employer being happy with 17 days "working" from home / self-ceritified sick leave. I could not afford to take it unpaid and effectively lose almost a month's pay.

@Mammyloveswine my dh and I have driven 150 miles to care for our dgs. I feel for parents who don't get family support.

If you don't mind me asking OP, what are paying for your two DC's to be in nursery full time? I see that one of them is 3 so I assume you are using the funded hours but just trying to work out if you would actually be paying about the same for a nanny who would look after the children if they were sick and you wouldn't need to take days off, maybe just if they were really ill and needed mummy or daddy

It’s shitty in the Bugs Years, and only slightly less shitty until the teenage years.

We’re the same as you, OP, family 400 miles away in UK or a long way and visa required overseas. You’ll get through it