Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the use of prostitutes just isn't that big a deal?

665 replies

Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 11:40

Now here me out first, I do not mean married men who use prostitutes without the knowledge/consent of their wives/partners. Those are scum, I have been cheated on in that way before so believe me when I say I do not agree with that.

However, I've seen and heard a lot of people (including friends of mine) who believe that men in general who use prostitutes are scum.

Personally, I think that, provided you are sure the person you are having sex with is not being trafficked, then you are really just two consenting adults having sex. Yes there is money exchanged, but nobody is forcing the sex worker to do this job (in this scenario, I know that DOES happen).

Should a person who's say, 30 years old and still a virgin, and now feels their too old and too inexperienced to go out and find a woman to have sex with them, not be able to use a service that a woman is willingly providing? What about someone with some form of disability that wants sex but doesn't have the confidence or whatever to get it normally?

I've got a good friend who lost his virginity to a prostitute, and has visited them a few other times also. He's in a happy relationship now and does not use them and never has while in any relationship. I don't feel that him having used them was wrong, but he is not open about having used them at all and I'm pretty sure his partner doesn't know that he ever has.

I just feel there is far too much judgement and hate towards people who are, in reality, just doing something that has been done since time began. And I see no wrong in it, I imagine I'm in the minority here though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:19

Pumperthepumper do you really not have social welfare in the UK?

OP posts:
AngelsSins · 05/02/2020 18:20

They guy gets what he wants (sexual acts), the women gets what she wants (easy cash)

You think risking your personal safety to have sex you don’t want with men you aren’t attracted to is “easy cash”?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/02/2020 18:21

I would really, really like to know the number of women who choose to be sex workers versus the number who are bribed, coerced, forced or manipulated into it. Really, I would. Because in my head I imagine that the number of women who've chosen it would be vastly lower than those who've been forced and until the numbers are weighted in the opposite direction, I can't ever feel relaxed about the fact that some men feel that they're able to use money and power to buy something that shouldn't ever be bought.

Ronnie27 · 05/02/2020 18:22

I think they’re all losers who have to pay for a bit of attention tbh. Grin

Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 18:22

We do, yes. Which country are you in that people are refusing free money, no strings attached, in order to work as prostitutes?

Creweneck · 05/02/2020 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 18:26

Is the bottom line not: what kind of man wants to buy the consent of a tremendously likely extremely damaged woman? When they know that she does not actually wish to have sex with him. But is being paid to pretend to. This is not a nice man, nor a man with any shred of human decency and compassion.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:27

Pumperthepumper did I say they were refusing it? Where exactly did I say that, point it out to me please. What I said was you get enough money to get by, if you decide to then turn to prostitution, that's on you.

OP posts:
gypsywater · 05/02/2020 18:31

Is your hatred for sex workers due to having been cheated on with one, OP? Cos your clearly have a lot of hate towards them that you're not hiding too well.

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 18:32

Genuine question btw, no hate

LittleSweet · 05/02/2020 18:33

Winesalot, I had an abusive boyfriend when I was a teenager and he used to rape me a lot. So I think I do tend to think of sex for a prostitute is a bodily function kind of thing, something someone can completely disassociate from. I used to, as it was my way of dealing with him, and a lot easier than saying no. You don't even need to feel turned on for the sex to work biologically, your body just does it. The only difference was I didn't get paid.

But I was vulnerable because I have abusive parents. But that paved the way for me to believe my body was just there for other people. I noticed that on the Louis Theroux documentary, two of the women had been abused in the past.

NameChange84 · 05/02/2020 18:33

In the UK you get around £73 per week as a jobseeker. That is after a standard 5 week wait. The government can loan you a month in advance but as soon as you get your first £73 you have to pay back the money you are already a month in arrears with. Benefits can be sanctioned for many minor reasons and then you might have to go through the five week wait again to get them reinstated. Thousands of people have died as a direct result of Universal Credit since it was introduced. It’s been well publicised.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:33

gypsywater can you stop making up scenarios about my life in your head please? It's getting old. I don't hate them at all, I just believe it's anyone's only choice. If you'd actually bothered to read what iv said, I said I completely understand how they get to that place, but I don't believe that was their only option. I'm not going to respond to you anymore though because you're intent on dismissing my opinion one way or another

OP posts:
NameChange84 · 05/02/2020 18:35

Why have you not responded about what country you live in?

If it’s Ireland or most other EU countries paying out a similar amount the £200 a week figure is based upon what you have already paid into the system in National Insurance. If you haven’t paid it, you aren’t entitled to it.

yabadabadontdoit · 05/02/2020 18:37

Interested to know where you are OP. You write about corner shops and use the phrase “a few quid” , which I would think is very British (apologies if I’m wrong on that) but have no knowledge of the UK benefits system?

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 18:37

Trying to understand your (bizarrely rigid) mindset. I've read all of your posts. Its obvs a big issue for you to have started a thread on it after all. But hey ho.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:40

NameChange84 Well that's awful, and as I'm not from the UK, I wasn't aware that you were given such shitty benefits.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 05/02/2020 18:41

What I said was you get enough money to get by, if you decide to then turn to prostitution, that's on you.

So they take the free money and yet still turn to prostitution? I thought you were giving options for alternative choices to prostitution?

Which country is this? Do I have to ask everything three times for an answer?

Redyellowpink · 05/02/2020 18:44

It's extremely crude and ignorant to compare prostitution to having to do menial work tasks or be nice to your boss...being nice to some when you don't want to be and having sex with someone when you don't want to (also known as rape) is very different. There's no other legal equivalent for a reason

gypsywater · 05/02/2020 18:45

@Redyellowpink not to mention deliberately and wilfully disingenuous

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:46

NameChange84 it is Ireland, and your statement is completely false. I have family members who have never worked a day in their lives and get social welfare. I face, having come from a working class area, I know loads of people like that. Do some proper research before you try and tell me about my own countries benefit systems

OP posts:
Bananabixfloof · 05/02/2020 18:46

I have always wondered if really, it wouldn't be in the sex workers' interests to make it legal and regulate it, to protect their rights etc
Hmm, this would inevitably lead to it being a "proper" job. Pay tax, have holidays etc.
So you ok with your female relatives being told to do that job or be sanctioned?
I'm not.

Wonderland18 · 05/02/2020 18:46

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Prostitution for many people is easy money, it is not the only option for most who do it and it also is a form of consent.

I know a few people who do it and it’s not for necessity it’s for designer clothes and lavish lifestyles.

Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:47

In fact not I face

OP posts:
Original poster
Hihothedairyo · 05/02/2020 18:48

Pumperthepumper as I said, if you take that 200 plus quid a week and still turn to prostitution, that is a choice you made. It's that simple. I'm done talking to you now, you're just saying the same thing over and over again. It's boring.

OP posts: