got my very own CF

[Afolnerd]

We get married in 2 weeks, all confirmed, paid, seating plan done etc.

Family member phoned “x has asked if they can bring 2 extra people with them?”
I have never met these people, they want an all day invite! Which would cost us £240.
Family member told them to ring me.
If they phone me they will be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

This surely isn’t normal behaviour?

If they have the audacity to phone you stick to 'Fuck off' as your response - what a damn nerve. Personally I'd have a long hard think about the cheeky family member too, as not sure I'd want such a piss-taker on my big day. Congratulations and don't let other people's brass neck ruin your day (and keep reminding yourself it is YOUR day, not theirs).

We had the opposite of a CF at our wedding - my Dad has a cousin who is his only living biological relative other than my mother and siblings, so she’s very important to him (complicated family background but that’s the best I can explain it). We realised close to the deadline that she still hasn’t RSVP’d so he got in touch and she explained apologetically that she was struggling to find childcare (single mum) and was trying to solve it. My Dad and I of course told her to just bring the kids, we could squeeze in two more for the sake of an important family member! This was years ago but I still find it endearing that she was too polite to simply ask if they could come.

My daughter got married and her fiancé’s sister brought her+1. A lovely guy and very generous and so pleased to be there. On enquiring where they met and how long as a couple and I’m told ‘ last week , he was the decorator sent from the council and she thot she HAD TO HAVE a +1 so asked him to the ALL DAY DOOH.Though it cost me I must admit I did laugh when my daughter told me. I suggested a £1 for a bottle of BRASSO for her neck. Lol lol 25 yrs on we still laugh about it.

Obviously its CF as they'r not considering your costs but maybehe just wants to include what he presumably sees as HIS family, and thought it would be an easy way to do it at once and have them included. You've said no so what's the problem.

I have no idea why anyone would be so desperate to go to a wedding anyway - they're a right drag of going through the cookie cutter motions, same old speeches, expense and lots of awkward small talk and its far worse when you barely know anyone there.

My Ex MIL said our wedding was disapointing for her cause I wouldn't let her invite any of her friends, most of whom her Son hadnt heard of, and obviously I had never met!
She was most upset we both invited our own friends who she had never met!! Bloody batshit ... She wanted to nearly double my guest list with her blummin friends

@Cambionome
You can just go back and click on yanbu and it will change your vote.I have made this mistake too in the past.

@LR33 my MIL wanted us to invite her cousins, who my DH hadn't seen in many years. I didn't want to, but my DH didn't want to upset his mum, so we compromised by inviting them to the ceremony and the evening do (they lived locally).

I agree that YANBU ...however, playing a bit of devil's advocate, I sometimes think that when people get married they dont realise how expensive (and sometimes difficult/taxing) it is for the guests. Especially if you're single and/or don't know any one at the wedding/can't bring a plus one. There's the train fare, hotel in the middle of Hatfordshire, possibly days leave from work (don't get me started on hen dos). V ready to be flamed for this but most people who get married and expect you to spend a ton of money celebrating their choice are CF

My best friend tried to call off her wedding with a month to go as it wasn’t working out with her fiancé.

Her (almost) MIL told her no, she couldn’t - a bunch of friends were coming from across the world for the wedding and they’d already booked tickets. Friend was marrying in a beautiful town in a tourist destination and it was a once in a lifetime trip to visit the country for MIL’s friends.

My poor friend hadn’t met any of these people and was railroaded into inviting them and then into marrying someone she didn’t want to marry.

The marriage lasted less than a year.

That really is CF!!

When I got married I invited all my cousins but not their partners to keep the numbers down (was already at 90 so an extra 8 would have been expensive and I hadn't met most of them). My youngest cousin had been with her BF for about 6 months but her mother phoned me to say that if the BF wasn't invited then my cousin wouldn't be coming. For family politics I reluctantly agreed, despite never meeting him before (and the other cousins didn't seem fussed). He turned up in jeans and trainers and didn't speak to anyone. They didn't stay together much longer.

When she did get married I wasn't invited at all, but both my sisters were!!

YANBU.

Just say no due to the costs and lack of available placements. A plus one could be understandable if they didn't know anyone but they're family and +2 is just rude.

tell them that at this late stage, you can only make those kind of changes if someone “drops out” leaving you with paid-for empty seats.

What did your brother say when you told him no? Did he actually ask or did you just message saying not happening?
I wonder if he actually cares or if it's coming from his DP. X

My ex-H’s siblings rocked up on the day with a random friend of one of their’s who neither of us had ever met. He was very pleasant and all, but as we had a teeny, tiny wedding, it was very odd.

I think people don't always realise how awkward it is when they ask to bring extra people to a wedding.

I had a friend who asked if she could bring someone to mine - I said that I hadn't realised that she was going out with someone but if she is then sure. Then she said it was some guy she'd been seeing for a couple of weeks but he was being a bit useless / not interested. Then no! I don't want that random dude at my wedding.

Similarly, I had friends say that they sort of, kind of were coming to the wedding but would probably, sort of, leave early. In the end they didn't come. That sort of thing is difficult too. You need to know numbers a while beforehand.

I am totally all for being able to invite who you wish, and get that wedding places are expensive, but these are essentially your step niece/nephew’s and the ‘family member’ who called is your brother, not a third cousin. In this instance, given the identity of the people involved, in my opinion YABU. Tbh I think it’s odd you haven’t already met them, even if they were adult when your brother met his partner, if they’ve been together for years then these are his step children, adult or not. Just my opinion.

That said, the timescale you mention (sorry, didn’t notice that!) makes it rather unfair of him to ask so late....

I’d just reply “Looking forward to seeing you both, but sorry can’t now add two more places”.

we had someone ask to bring a friend of hers we had never met. i said yes, because I felt I could not say no for whatever reason.

That person then turned up at Waterlloo to 'wave us off' on our honeymoon....... very odd indeed. Not leats because no-one else did, it was not a 'thing; we were doing.

If I were the step children I'd probably prefer to come in the evening rather than during the day (if I expressed any desire to come at all).

It's pretty daunting sitting with a family you don't really know. I tolerate weddings of friends when you have to make small talk to other friends or family you've never met. I prefer an evening invitation when you can be introduced to people at the bar, it's relaxed because the formal stuff is over and the party is beginning and you can still look like you're part of the family even if you're just up on the dance floor all night.

If you're having an evening party and you decide to bow to pressure OP, surely a couple of adults can keep themselves amused in the area for a few hours. Or drive themselves there later.

If you can’t be arsed to RTFT, at least read the OP’s posts! She has already said she’s told her brother no.

Who the hell were they hoping to bring along? The Von Trapps?

If it costs you £50 per head tell them once you have recieved your £150 as you don't know them you will add them to the wedding as you dont have the budget any more...oh look at that they dont want to come any more!