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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

got my very own CF

148 replies

Afolnerd · 05/02/2020 11:39

We get married in 2 weeks, all confirmed, paid, seating plan done etc.

Family member phoned “x has asked if they can bring 2 extra people with them?”
I have never met these people, they want an all day invite! Which would cost us £240.
Family member told them to ring me.
If they phone me they will be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

This surely isn’t normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Sargass0 · 05/02/2020 18:07

Don't see any cfuckery tbh. Your brother has asked, not demanded. Why can't you just have a sensible conversation about why you cant accommodate it? He might say fine just thought I'd ask. Drama (or lack of) over.

Cheerfullygo4 · 05/02/2020 18:34

My cousin and his wife turned up for the full day at our wedding. His Mum and Dad had been invited as had his sister since these were the people we actually saw regularly. Hadn't seen cousin for years and years. They had gotten married two months before and we weren't invited at all to his. Hotel very accommodating, I was fuming.

TheFormidableMrsC · 05/02/2020 18:55

OP, I think you should speak to your brother because he may not have the balls to ask you directly and might just turn up with them. I'd make your position abundantly clear.

TiddlestheCat · 05/02/2020 21:11

@BlueChangeling

I am gob smacked! I think that your MIL and her Sis win the CF award! That said, it did make me chuckle! It's just so shockingly awful! I bet that you have some great stories to tell.

BlackCatSleeping · 05/02/2020 23:55

I disagree that how long they have been together should be considered. The "children" were not invited. How long they have been together has zero bearing.

Well, it's her brother's step-kids. I thought the OP was going to say it's her mum's neighbor or something, but it does sound like her brother wants his step-kids included in family events more. I can understand if it's a new relationship, but I do find it odd that they haven't been included in the family or even met the OP yet as it has been several years. I think this is about more than a wedding invitation, TBH.

billy1966 · 06/02/2020 08:16

I think CF's love a wedding, they imagine the B&G will be busy and won't want any unpleasantness and will suck it up.

I worked with someone many years ago who's mother's distant cousin turned up at her wedding with her 4 children and partners. 10 people in total.

They had presumed their invite had been lost.

It actually caused drama as it was a small venue and the catering was tight also.

She said it really spoilt the day as her entire family were just furious at the rudeness and imposition and mortified at how crass it appeared to the Groom's family.

Huge falling out in the family ensued.

MulticolourMophead · 06/02/2020 11:04

Don't see any cfuckery tbh. Your brother has asked, not demanded.

The brother hasn't asked. He instead spoke to their dad, presumably because he thought OP would agree if it went through him. He needs to ask OP directly.

KiddingMyself · 06/02/2020 14:26

"I do find it odd that they haven't been included in the family or even met the OP yet as it has been several years. I think this is about more than a wedding invitation, TBH."

I don't... it's not down to the rest of the family to include them, it's down to the op's brother! And forcing them into her special day is completely inappropriate

littlekerry8 · 06/02/2020 17:43

I would just say they are welcome at the night time, but tables are set for the day

M2B19 · 06/02/2020 17:49

I had this too. Was asked if a member of families boyfriend could come all day although we’d never met him. When family were told no as it would have cost an extra £70 (and there was family not invited all day that we’d met) we were told we shouldn’t have picked such an expensive venue if we couldn’t afford it. I wanted to throat lunch the individual. Surprisingly when I suggested they pay for it then they didn’t want to come Hmm

Tistheseason17 · 06/02/2020 17:56

OP, you need to clear with your brother or he'll just show up with the guest... aka, "well I asked Dad and he didn't say no..."

I'd message DB along lines of... " Hi DB, Dad mentioned something about extra guests? Really sorry but we are at max numbers so we cannot have any extras, love OP"

M2B19 · 06/02/2020 18:08

I had this too. Was asked if a member of families boyfriend could come all day although we’d never met him. When family were told no as it would have cost an extra £70 (and there was family not invited all day that we’d met) we were told we shouldn’t have picked such an expensive venue if we couldn’t afford it. I wanted to throat lunch the individual. Surprisingly when I suggested they pay for it then they didn’t want to come Hmm

Oscarsdaddy · 06/02/2020 18:19

Cheeky fuckers, do they not think with two weeks to go it’ll be too late ?

Next it’ll be ‘oh if they aren’t welcome then we won’t be coming’

Oldraver · 06/02/2020 18:24

My SIL invited her Dad, who I had never met, and her best friend and her 4 children who I only knew in passing.

I did have to say no as my Mum was going ballistic as she was doing the food.

As it was when i got the photos back there was a random girl in tem who turned out to be my nieces friend from some club she did. Apparentely they didnt want to bother me with asking, as the knew I had made a fuss over the other un-invited guests.

My Dads brother also bought along his PIL's though Mum had to give in to this as she thought Aunt and Uncle wouldn't come otherwise

Oldraver · 06/02/2020 18:33

My SIL invited her Dad, who I had never met, and her best friend and her 4 children who I only knew in passing.

I did have to say no as my Mum was going ballistic as she was doing the food.

As it was when i got the photos back there was a random girl in tem who turned out to be my nieces friend from some club she did. Apparentely they didnt want to bother me with asking, as the knew I had made a fuss over the other un-invited guests.

My Dads brother also bought along his PIL's though Mum had to give in to this as she thought Aunt and Uncle wouldn't come otherwise

FelicisNox · 06/02/2020 18:49

YANBU.

MadameOvary · 06/02/2020 18:53

billy 1966
Do elaborate!

Jeeperscreepers69 · 06/02/2020 19:00

Tell them its another 240 quid. And you cant afford it. Simple. And just cos he was a cheeky bugger dont extend to night time invite for the plus 3 😝

dollibob · 06/02/2020 19:06

Yanbu.
We had a big evening do in a marquee in a field to accommodate as many of our friends as possible with bands and a bar selling cheap drinks on sale or return from a local business.
A few people bought extra friends along. Nbd. Except one woman I’d never met who turned up in a white satin floor length gown and barged past me on the dance floor Confused Hmm

Cambionome · 06/02/2020 19:13

Apologies - I accidentally clicked the YABU button. Should have been YANBU!!

LawksALordy · 06/02/2020 20:26

My late MIL threatened to boycott our wedding if we didn't permit her to bring along two friends, whom we had never met, one of which was an ex boyfriend! She said she feared she would feel lonely on the big day. FIL at the time was very much alive, still married to her and planning to accompany her.
Even though DH is an only child with no other living relatives we had a Mexican standoff up till the last minute until she relented on the boycott and grudgingly came with her husband alone. In every photo she is scowling.
It didn't help that we had planned a small affair with only 40 guests permitted.

masterblaster · 06/02/2020 20:26

So, your brother wants to bring his partner, that's not CF. Nor is it CF to ask if the kids could come. You just need to politely say no.

BananaSpanner · 06/02/2020 20:32

What master blaster said.

Original poster
Afolnerd · 06/02/2020 20:44

masterblaster

His partner is invited and always was. Her ADULT children who I have never met aren’t.
Anyway he has been told that we don’t have any space to accommodate them so matter is done. Until he actually turns up with them anyway!

OP posts:
asparagusnextleft5 · 06/02/2020 20:47

Wow, that is cheeky!
When DH and I were planning our wedding, we had a similar "demand". His sister's boyfriend was from the other end of the country, and they lived together there, so most of the family didn't really even know him that well, but naturally as her partner he was invited to the wedding. However, SIL requested that we invite his parents to the whole day, as they had never been to our city before and "it would be a good chance for them to meet the family".
Errrr.... No. They'd had 2 years in which they could have met the family, and indeed could have come to visit any time they wanted, before or after the wedding. We had quite a small guest list and had to miss out some friends and family we really would have liked there, so there was no way we were going to add two strangers who just wanted to use the occasion for their own benefit!