got my very own CF

[Afolnerd]

We get married in 2 weeks, all confirmed, paid, seating plan done etc.

Family member phoned “x has asked if they can bring 2 extra people with them?”
I have never met these people, they want an all day invite! Which would cost us £240.
Family member told them to ring me.
If they phone me they will be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

This surely isn’t normal behaviour?

Just tell your brother they cannot come. He has no business giving them your number in order for them to call you - that is just bizarre. We ended up with 4 extras coming to ours. 2 were cousins I had not seen in years who decided to travel over (from U.K. To Ireland) with their parents, who were coming to the wedding. My aunt rang the night before to say they were over and asked if they could come. I felt I couldn't say no. They arrived at the reception the next day wondering why their names weren't on the table plan list - well you weren't on the list because you weren't invited - they had to be added to a table of dhs friends. Another guy was an American who was over working in dhs workplace and Dh said he could come to the after if he was free. He claimed he wouldn't have any way of getting there in the eveing so he said he'd just come with another couple of workmates who were invited to the full day. The last guy we really didnt want there - he was an abusive on/off bf of a friend of ours. We'd invited her on her own. She asked a few days beforehand if he could come. We caved.
If only mumsnet was around then I'd have been well able to say no to them all with all the advice I'd have gotten

The brother's partner has been invited. It's her children who haven't, and as you've not met them, OP, I wouldn't give them an invite unless you have cancellations.

OP, I would tell your brother straight that it's very expensive and it isn't going to happen.

If you want to be nice, you can always say "I'd love to meet them, but we'll be very busy that day, so another occasion where we have the time to get to know them, and where it's not going to cost us half a monkey, would be better", or words to that effect.

Weddings really do bring out batshit behaviour. We invited some childhood friends to our wedding, when one couldn't go, my brother invited someone else in their place. When they decided not to go either, nobody told us and we had to chase for RSVPs from people we never invited.

YANBU. If your brother and his partner want you meet his partner’s children then it is up to them to arrange something and invite you. It might be ok if you were having a very informal self catered event but not to ask for an extra invitation to a formal wedding.

I can understand him wanting to integrate the adult children into the family but a wedding isn't the place to start. He should have been introducing them before now, if he/they want to be part of the family enough to get a wedding invite.

I had this happen. Although I did know the people. they had declined then my aunt called up and asked if they could actually come now, 5 days before the wedding. I said okay. Added them on which cost 130 quid. THEN on the day, they never turned up. I was fucking fuming. My aunt never even apologised or mentioned it.

I would be mortified if my step-dad asked his sister to ask me to their wedding.

Literally mortified.

Actually this reminds me of my dad asking my step sister (who I am not at all close to and barely know and without asking me first) if I could go to her wedding, she quite rightly said no. It makes my toes curl to think about it. His heart was in the right place but eurgh.

The thing with CFs is they are all too happy to arrive and fill their bellies at your expense. Tables are reversed and suddenly there is no room at the inn.

Cousin’s son got married and my sister and I were not invited to the wedding but our Mum was. Fine, we understood space was limited and wished them well. Strangely when we had a family event they said they were coming and despite being told the venue was not suitable for children rocked up with their toddler.

What did you respond to your brother when he asked? Was it your suggestion they ring you?

I had this. Said no, clearly and firmly. They still turned up!

Sorry I seem to have confused some people with my op.
Brother phoned my dad and asked if these 2 extras could come.
Dad told brother to ring me and ask himself.
He still hasn’t.

Why they want to come I have no idea?

Because it will be a rocking good "free" party with great food and drink that they don't have to pay for.

I can see why you’re annoyed but I can also see why your brother would like his step children to be invited and included as part of your wider family.

Brother has had YEARS to introduce the bride-to-be to his stepchildren but hasn't bothered to do so. She has never met them. If he wanted them to be included in family events then he should have arranged a family event himself for them all to meet each other.

Wtf say no but i suppose they can come for the disco

This is ridiculous. In my home country people pay cash as a gift, actually very generous amounts (+200 euro) so you actually get your menus and open bar covered.

However, EVEN SO I wouldn't have 2 strangers at my wedding. Why the hell would they want to come? Or have the cheek to call you??

Hell no.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Hmm, bit of a drip feed, if it's your brother's step kids? How long have they been together? How old? I know you said adults, but are they teenagers or in their 30's? Also want to point out that the most likely reason people are so cheeky about costs is they have NO idea of the added cost involved. I'm an adult and I've only been to about 5 weddings. Only one was an expensive sit down meal. All the rest were cheap buffets. At 17, as a PP mentioned, I'd have had no clue about the rude implications of asking to bring a boyfriend. Has your brother had an expensive wedding himself? Would you be so cross if he was offering to pay? Why don't you do that? 'We'd love to meet them but really don't have any leftover budget. They are welcome to come if you pay'.

He phoned your Dad to ask you??! How old is your brother?????!!!

No uninvited guests, no unknown individuals, no asking for a +1, no, no, no.

If you'd wanted them there, you'd have asked them yourself! That's all you need say.

My Mum and step Dad have been together since I was a teenager. I am now an "adult". Have met his sister several times and still would not expect an invite to her wedding. Say no you shouldn't have to invite anyone you don't want to

Love that you dad did that, I think your dad knew your brother wouldn't have the balls to ask you coz if he did he would have called you first wouldn't he.
Totally unacceptable to expect this 2 weeks before the wedding

When we got married 20years ago, my cousin asked if she could bring her new BF,who we'd never met.
It puts you in an awkward situation. We did allow him to come, but 20 years on.if I had my time again, I'd say no. They didn't even stay together for long afterwards. ( maybe we put the off 😆).

It's so cheeky, I'd never ask

Them

I had an old school friend, from whom I had not heard from in years, drop into my house and invite herself to my wedding.

I was too shocked to refuse, so said "yes".

On the day, the CF turned up with three other people... they inhaled the free booze and stole a bottle of wine to take home with them...

Never heard from them again!