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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

got my very own CF

148 replies

Afolnerd · 05/02/2020 11:39

We get married in 2 weeks, all confirmed, paid, seating plan done etc.

Family member phoned “x has asked if they can bring 2 extra people with them?”
I have never met these people, they want an all day invite! Which would cost us £240.
Family member told them to ring me.
If they phone me they will be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

This surely isn’t normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 05/02/2020 13:02

@NicLondon1 my dd is getting married soon and she has made a conscious decision not to invite anyone she has never met and I totally support this. My niece is due to give birth around the wedding date so the baby if they’ve arrived will be the only exception.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 05/02/2020 13:02

It really doesn’t matter how long they’re together. These are ADULTs, not youngsters, so they could meet the OP at any other time. If he says it’s about meeting the OP, then she could always suggest that they all go out for a bite to eat and a drink, some time after the wedding.

TigerJoy · 05/02/2020 13:03

@PatellarTendonitis but isn't a typical Mexican wedding 500 people+? where you invite every hairdresser you've ever had, your parent's business partners and childhood friends, everyone who lives on your street etc?

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 05/02/2020 13:08

I remember when DH's cousin got married Fil had started a new relationship and was invited with a plus one for his partner. His partner was incredibly disgruntled that her two adult children and their partners weren't invited to the wedding. They'd never met the bride or groom and didn't want to come anyway. She was outraged and said the fact that they hadn't met shouldn't matter because there were babies and toddlers coming who hadn't met the bride and groom either.

Another time at a funeral she was angry that the grieving husband said he wasn't able to drive her to and from the church as the car was full of his own children and grandchildren. She was angry as she said she'd spent a lot of money travelling down there by train and didn't want to pay more for a taxi.

BlueChangeling · 05/02/2020 13:16

My MIL continued to invite people to our wedding even though she was told to stop. In the end there was more of her friends, family and random acquaintances than of our own guests.

Icing on the cake was her sister barging in on the speeches and talking for 15 minutes about how beautiful MIL looked and if you looked around the room you could see she had the most guests present so that showed she is the more loved than the Bride & Groom and proved it was her special day. All our own guests where just staring at us, you could tell they were thinking WTF?!

I can just about think back on it all without wanting to throttle the pair of them. Weddings bring out the worst in some and the best in others.

Original poster
Afolnerd · 05/02/2020 13:17

Glad to know it’s not me.

Bit more info for context.
Brother has been with partner for a few years. He has never lived with her kids as far as I’m aware. As they were all adults before they got got together.

No idea if they want to come or even know anything about this.
No phone call yet.

OP posts:
momtoboys · 05/02/2020 13:24

I disagree that how long they have been together should be considered. The "children" were not invited. How long they have been together has zero bearing.

ALHanes2 · 05/02/2020 13:29

I can see why you’re annoyed but I can also see why your brother would like his step children to be invited and included as part of your wider family.

HyacynthBucket · 05/02/2020 13:31

You should not have anyone at your wedding who you have never met. That is just meaningless for all concerned. If you are asked, put your foot down hard, and think no more about it.

Mittens030869 · 05/02/2020 13:32

Something similar happened at my wedding. One of my best friends lives in France; her DH is French and at that time they had 2 small DC, and their DS (6) was a pageboy. Sadly her DH couldn't get the time off work so she asked if both her parents could come to help her. I agreed because I did want her to come and for her DS to be pageboy, and because a few guests had pulled out through illness. I wasn't all that impressed, though, as I'd only ever met them once, at her wedding.

Raindancer411 · 05/02/2020 13:35

Tell them no, sorry it's too late to change anything but they are welcome to the evening? (Providing it won't cost you anything)

Dollyparton3 · 05/02/2020 13:45

People have no concept of just how CF they are behaving when it comes to weddings. I got married last year, my MOH was not very helpful, I chased around organising things weeks before the hen because most of the party didnt know which flight we were on let alone where we were staying.

The day before the wedding she said she'd be there in the morning to help set up, she arrived at 7pm to my house with the other two bridesmaids. On the day we're pretty sure she popped a pill as there are two hours that she doesnt remember and she laid into me just before christmas in front of two close friends and my husband because her and the other two bridesmaid's feel that I owe them a weekend away as a thank you for being my bridesmaids.

Please note that I paid for their outfits, hair, make up and they all got a lovely gift from my DH and I.

carriemathisonshandbag · 05/02/2020 13:47

When Dsis and ExBIL got married, ExBIL's stepdad did this. He made a huge fuss because his 4 DC and 12 adult DGC (plus assorted partners and GGC) weren't invited.

ExBIL and DSis had only met them once. His DM and SF had married 12 months earlier following a whirlwind romance. SF was/is an abusive arse who ExBIL has never got on with. In addition, on the one occasion they had met, one of the DGDs had taken shine to ExBIL and made no attempt to disguise it in front of Dsis.

Jokie · 05/02/2020 13:57

This happened with one of my best friends. I helped her with some of the organising of her wedding/decorating the venue. Her phone kept ringing and it was "friends of some random relative" that wanted a full day invite at the last minute. After several calls, she called this relative up and asked what they were playing at and the response? "I didn't want to be alone as I won't know anyone"....

They were a blood relative (an aunt I think?).

Astounding.

Ouchaheadinmybehind · 05/02/2020 14:06

Happened to me. No idea why they thought it was acceptable. I was too young and foolish to say no. It was 3 extra people, 2 of which I had never even met and I have never seen since.

BlingLoving · 05/02/2020 14:08

DH's aunt "surprised" us by secretly inviting an old family friend he hadn't seen since he was 5 to the wedding. Didn't tell us because she wanted it to be a surprise on the day! I will never forget the sight of this elderly woman carrying a chair she found from somewhere across the reception so she could sit with Dh's aunt and family. The mind boggles.

Hollywolly1 · 05/02/2020 14:11

Have you invited your other brothers/sisters children?.if you have maybe he feels his partners children should be there as well,just trying to see it from his point of view.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 05/02/2020 14:23

Tell them no, sorry it's too late to change anything but they are welcome to the evening? (Providing it won't cost you anything?)

^^This is what I'd do. Seating plans are done, everything's ordered and paid for, you can't make changes now. Also tell him that you've maxed out on your wedding budget.

Fingers crossed he'll realise how unreasonable he's being.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 05/02/2020 14:29

Did this request come via one of your parents? My family works a bit like that and it makes me really angry. They phone my mother, who phones me, and I always say "No, tell them to ask me themselves". I can almost hear them ringing my mother to wail "MUUUUUUM, tell her!". It's not so much the request that I would find annoying, as the going through a third party to make it.

AnyCreamWillDo · 05/02/2020 14:36

The only response to this, when asked, is surely "haha, good one! Imagine if our family were actually that cheeky...!"

Blacksackunderthetreesfreeze · 05/02/2020 14:36

Had this shit when I got married: “we’d love to come, and will be bringing two extra guests”. No you won’t! They aren’t my guests!

Absolutepowercorrupts · 05/02/2020 14:38

I'd definitely say no they can't attend and are not invited.
All those of you bleating on about them being his step children are wrong. A partner's adult offspring are not step children, brother and partner are not married.
My mother married again at 74 years old her husband is not and never will be my stepfather.

Juliette20 · 05/02/2020 14:39

I would certainly have let my brother have a +1 if he has been seeing her for a few years, I make no distinction as to whether people are married.

As for her adult children, I'm not sure, would they even want to come?

Best just call him and talk it through.

Iloveacurry · 05/02/2020 14:41

Just say no. The next thing they’ll ask is if they can bring a partner, girlfriend or boyfriend!

CakeandCustard28 · 05/02/2020 14:45

Well if you’ve never met them, why would you? Bit strange. It’s not like you’ve grown up together so see them as family. What a CF!

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