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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

got my very own CF

148 replies

Afolnerd · 05/02/2020 11:39

We get married in 2 weeks, all confirmed, paid, seating plan done etc.

Family member phoned “x has asked if they can bring 2 extra people with them?”
I have never met these people, they want an all day invite! Which would cost us £240.
Family member told them to ring me.
If they phone me they will be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

This surely isn’t normal behaviour?

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 05/02/2020 12:15

Yeah, the 'if we have last minute drop out, they can come' makes sense.

We had a few last minute drop-outs (a good friend was t-boned by a lorry three days before, someone else had food poisoning.) But do not pay extra to accommodate last minute add ons. Most people who wanted extras asked way, way in advance and we could accommodate. Two weeks before is ridiculous.

CalmdownJanet · 05/02/2020 12:20

How long have your brother and his partner been together?

BlackCatSleeping · 05/02/2020 12:21

It's a bit odd that you haven't met your brother's partner's kids. Is it a new relationship?

Obviously, it's too late to add people. You should have just told him that.

Lunde · 05/02/2020 12:24

Tell them you have already given final numbers to the venue and cannot add any extras!

managedmis · 05/02/2020 12:24

How can there be 12 people on this earth who want to attend a wedding?!

Branleuse · 05/02/2020 12:24

Id offer them an invite to the evening, but not to the meal. Say theres no room and everythings paid for

LettertoHermoine · 05/02/2020 12:25

God No, not a fucking hope!

FetchezLaVache · 05/02/2020 12:27

The (beyond awful) ex of a dear friend attempted to invite himself to my wedding, on the spurious grounds that it was correct etiquette for him to attend as his daughter was going too. He just wanted to fill his boots at someone else's expense and prevent dear friend from enjoying herself. I declined in short order.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/02/2020 12:28

@Ginkypig well that is shitty but I guess I assumed from the way the OP phrased it that they were adults when the brothers partner came into his life? Maybe the OP could clarify that though

Iwantacookie · 05/02/2020 12:29

@patella I need more info on that cf RSVP for 12 Shock
Who was she thinking of taking?

HalfBiscuit · 05/02/2020 12:31

+12?!

Youtoldme · 05/02/2020 12:32

Why would people you don’t know want to go to the wedding of people they don’t know 🤷‍♀️ Just for a free day out??

Housiemousie · 05/02/2020 12:34

This happened to me. Cousin brought her partners teenaged son and his two friends. I don't think I was even introduced to them on the day and cousin did not give a gift (not that i wanted gifts but it would have been a token of gratitude or understanding of the extra cost).

AllHeart1 · 05/02/2020 12:35

While I think that it’s a tad cheeky I think that it depends on how it’s brought up.

I.e. family member calls, says “could my partner’s two adult children come as well,” you say “no,” and they leave it at that, it’s a bit of a nerve but not really CF in the highest order.

But family member calls, asks if partner’s adult children can come and when you say no they kick off, start swearing and screaming and turn up with said adult children in toe it’s a whole new ballgame.

At my wedding we had no kids. Most were ok with that except one friend of MIL’s who wrote us an extremely rude reply saying that as her eight year old wasn’t invited she couldn’t possibly be expected to attend. I ignored, but afaik she never spoke to mil again after that. Shock.

However another family member asked if one of her DC could come and was told no. It was left at that.

Said family member was killed in a car crash three weeks before my wedding. [sad[ if we’d all made something of it it would have been horrible for it to have all ended that way iyswim.

The “plus twelve” responses are Shock but well we need to have these stories on these threads to entertain us, so they should keep on being CF’s. For our amusement. Grin.

PatellarTendonitis · 05/02/2020 12:43

She pretty much wanted to bring her whole side of the family for a free night out is why she did this. It was a typical Mexican wedding - these weddings usually take place late in the afternoon or early evening (usually a Catholic Mass) and then immediately follows just one reception. There's no two-tiers of guests and there's often an open bar.

Anyhow, the bride's father told her in no uncertain terms she could not invite others along and made sure family was stationed round if she tried to just turn up with them (she had form for stuff like this).

foxychox · 05/02/2020 12:44

Is there a free bar?!! Might explain it...

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 05/02/2020 12:49

the CF ness depends on

  • whether your brother is usually a cheeky git and whether he's really asked your mum to ask you or whether he was just musing on it
  • the length of the brother's relationship with partner and if there is a flip side of this along the lines of "my children are not invited yet again" to DPs family stuff.
  • if there is some backstory like DB's DP's kids live in South America and are only in the UK for that weekend, because of terrrible planning

either way the "if people drop out" answer is a good one

DigitalGhost · 05/02/2020 12:49

People are cheeky gits! my cousin did this 2 days before. Basically 10 people weren't going to come unless i allowed them to bring 3 more people...¬_¬

Grembolina · 05/02/2020 12:51

My Dad and his wife turned up on the day with her adult grandson. No mention before hand, I had to ask the venue to squeeze an extra seat in!

custardbear · 05/02/2020 12:51

Wow! Thst is cheeky!
Perhaps if they were children, with nowhere else to Go i could see them asking nicely to se if it's possible but not grown ups ffs!

KatyCarrCan · 05/02/2020 12:54

At face value, it was cheeky. But now you've explained that it's your brother and he wants to bring his adult step-children, I don't think that is as cheeky. I can't imagine not inviting my DB's step-children to my wedding, regardless of their ages.

KurriKurri · 05/02/2020 12:55

Ha ! _ My MIL did this, invited some obscure friends of hers that we didn;t know, we said they weren;t invited and guess what - on the day they turned up because they 'just happened to be passing' and just happened to be all dressed up for a wedding and MIl said 'since they are here they might as well stop for a sandwich and a cuppa to snaffle half the buffet.
My parents were very polite and accomodating, and they stayed but I was inwardly seething at the cheek of it. MIL was Smuggy McSmugg for the whole day.

Tell your CF's to bog off, but beware them turning up regardless !

mcmooberry · 05/02/2020 12:56

Very cheeky indeed unless your DB has been with his partner a long time and it would be a good time to meet her family and just bad timing that you haven't already. Sounds unlikely though and should have been brought up way before now.

caringcarer · 05/02/2020 13:00

You could ring your brother and tell him the cost of adding 2 extra people to the day. offers to if he pay for them I would agree they could come but if he does not then say no.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 05/02/2020 13:01

It’s almost guaranteed that the adult dc either don’t want to go/have no idea about the cheeky fuckery going on in their name.

Sounds like your brother is using it as an easy meet n greet so he doesn’t have to go to the bother of organising a get together himself.

I’d text him now, something along the lines of-

“ I was thinking about your request to add on X and Y to your invitation. I had a look at the figures and I’m afraid the extra catering costs just aren’t in the budget this close to the day. We’d love to meet them at the evening reception if they’d be happy to come later on!”

Cheeky bugger.