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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to offer my daughter money incentives for good gcse grades?

283 replies

Whatsmyname26 · 04/02/2020 21:13

My daughter is just starting to do some GCSEs with her first exam later this year. She is sitting them early and achieving well (looking at a level 5/6 atm) but I would like to encourage her to reach for the higher grades and remember children being given money incentives for different grades when I did my exams. Has anyone done this? Did it help encourage them to work harder to achieve higher marks? If so how much per top grade? She is only sitting one gcse this year and currently looking to sit another either November this year or next June.

Does a reward help incentivise them or should they just work because they should? I should point out she is autistic too.

OP posts:
Drabarni · 05/02/2020 15:19

I did this with two of ours and it's not going to work for dd our last.
I really don't know what to do now, I can't leave her out and even though siblings are much older, left home with kids of their own, dd knows they got money.
Wish I hadn't done it now and have to think of some other system to give the same. It certainly can't be exam results as dd has sn.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 15:22

@LaurieMarlow because winning is important. The scouts look for the best players. He wants to get scouted.

It's not just a hobby. For the trials the couch cake and spoke to the parents and briefed us on what they will look for.

At no point was it that the kids were having fun.

It was who could tackle, pass and score.

PasswordPatroller · 05/02/2020 15:23

20 years ago, my parents offered me £100 for every A* and £50 for every A. It didn't motivate me at all and I'm still not motivated by wealth/money. I did the bare minimum in terms of coursework and little to no revision in subjects i didn't like. I managed 3 As, 4 Bs and 5 Cs.

I rue my choice to not apply myself at school. Teachers would comment on my lack of concerntration in my school reports. I was talking to my parents recently and I said that I wished I had more encouragement from them with my homework when I was younger. Even if it was sitting me in the kitchen and making sure I did my homework, to help instill a sense of discipline/focus. I wouldn't expect it at GCSE/A level, but definitely primary age - spelling/timestables. Then year 7/8.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/02/2020 15:28

Not intended as insult just a genuine question. Is she actually academic though. Not all people are. It's no use offering an elephant a million pounds to jump because it'll never happen.

MAFIL · 05/02/2020 15:33

I get monetary bonuses in work when I perform well so why shouldn't they?
Because you are employed and they aren't?
They are working for their own benefit, not for that of an employer or a client. I guess they are effectively self employed, so they are entirely at liberty to pay themselves a bonus if they wish.

eggsandwich · 05/02/2020 15:47

My dd sat her gcse’s last year and we never did this though she said some other pupils parents did, we just encouraged her to revise and she ended up doing exceptionally well because she wanted to do well and was self motivated to do well.

We did however buy her a Mac book which we were going to do anyway to help with her A levels and also university work but she never knew we had brought her one until we gave it to her on results day no matter how well she had done, bless her she cried when she opened it up.

Drabarni · 05/02/2020 16:13

Not intended as insult just a genuine question. Is she actually academic though. Not all people are. It's no use offering an elephant a million pounds to jump because it'll never happen.

What would somebody do instead if the above was true.
I'm really looking for an alternative to results. For my dd effort doesn't mean high grades, she'll be lucky with her level 4's achieved during mocks. But I want to reward her like her brothers were.

EmeraldShamrock · 05/02/2020 16:20

Wish I hadn't done it now and have to think of some other system to give the same. It certainly can't be exam results as dd has sn
@Drabarni Awh.
Reward her for doing her best having commitment dedication to the results she earned and the extra obstacles she must pass.

PasswordPatroller · 05/02/2020 16:22

@Drabarni

Encourage her to create a study plan. Put in on the wall. If your DD works hard and sticks to her planned study sessions, you can reward her at the end for doing so.

LongLiveTheQueenBee · 05/02/2020 16:30

As long as you do the same for your other children too.

My dad offered my older sister incentives to try harder... £50 for above a c and £100 for an A. I think she got 3 C's and about £150. of course he then had to do the same arrangement for me....I got 3a's an A* and rest B's...my dad wasn't very happy handing over £600!!!

Though to be honest the agreement didn't really have much bearing on us working harder...I couldn't be bothered and was just naturally clever whereas my sister tried hard all the time but didn't get the best grades.

Original poster
Whatsmyname26 · 05/02/2020 16:32

Yes she is definitely academic! She has a bit of a photographic memory. Her knowledge is spot on she just needs some work on exam technique because her theory of mind is tricky with the autism so she doesn’t always put down everything that’s in her head because she assumes it’s a given. She is working at a 6 atm (first mock was a solid 5) and the tutor thinks she will do better when the final exam comes around so she isn’t just scraping a 5 iyswim. I think people are focussing on the wrong thing tbh. Home Ed and autism mean she’s not typical in terms of where she is at with this despite being younger than usual sitting the exam. Academically she is very bright and always has been (she taught herself to read before she was 3). Other subjects she won’t touch for a couple more years so there is little pressure as she isn’t studying multiple courses at once. All in all though you have all convinced me to avoid rewards and keep it low key just for the fun of it. She’s currently excited about the course and sitting the exam so def don’t think she is stressed by it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsmyname26 · 05/02/2020 16:46

Am chuckling to myself as she just got feedback on her practise questions she was set for homework and got a top grade (13/15 on long answer question). She could go either way in an exam I think but it’s reassured me I’m not pushing her too soon. He definitely thinks she will be ready for June.

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 17:10

because winning is important. The scouts look for the best players. He wants to get scouted

Well if you’re talking about scouts when your child is 5, then I’m even more convinced that your priorities are off.

Let him be a child ffs. I just hope he manages to maintain his love for the game when all this is over.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 17:12

The scouts are already there that's he how got into the training academy and got invited to a trial
Hmm

He is 5. Which is why I let him believe his games are as important as the Premier league. Why he believes the Klopp might come to see him play and sign him.

His love probably won't die. Just like his fathers when he never made it all the way.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 17:13

He is 5. Which is why I let him believe his games are as important as the Premier league. Why he believes the Klopp might come to see him play and sign him.

Cool. Still don’t see why he needs the cash.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 17:14

Because he wants it.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 17:18

Because he wants it.

Wow. Great answer Grin Shock

I know two people who achieved at a very high level at sport (competed for their country). They succeeded because of their great talent, love for the sport and amazing internal motivation.

The idea of money for goals would be so alien to them. I must tell them, just to see the reaction. Wink

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 17:22

Great so everything my sons got so far. Good to know.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 17:25

I believe payment runs contrary to and undermines internal motivation personally.

But your child not mine.

Mine’s playing away with his mates, blissfully unaware that scouts exist. He loves to play, that’s all that’s important to us.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 17:26

Great. Mines at training now with his Dad having a brilliant time and believing that he is good enough to achieve his dream.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 17:31

With the payments keeping him ‘focused’ Wink

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 17:33

No. He doesn't get paid to train. Only for the games one day a week.
So three days a week he just has to train.

my2bundles · 05/02/2020 18:10

My son has played many spirts growing up, all lasted a season or 2 before he moved onto the next one. He was good at all of them but more importantly he played them because he enjoyed them and was having fun with his friends. Now early teen he has found another sport which at tbe moment again he is playing for fun and again he is very good. This is the age he can decide if he wants to take it further (he has been noticed by a scout) but it's his decision and nothing I will ever push him into. Your attitude towards a tiny 5 year old is weird, thank god my son was oblivious to scouts age 5, he was far to young to be noticed or take up a sport long term.

Drabarni · 05/02/2020 18:33

Thanks Thanks what a brilliant ideas, and sorry for derail OP.
Better start saving, the others got about £200 but that was 12 and 9 years ago.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 18:42

How the hell is it weird?
This all started when he joined a baby football class at 18 months old.
Then he got to 5 and started getting invited to different things.

I've never ever pushed him. I've never demanded anything. I get begged to take him out to play.

I drive him around to trials and stand in the pissing down rain so he can do something he loves and I'm the bad guy?

He knows about scouts because he got seen and invited to a trial. And he knows what they are from following professional football.

You're son was fickle and never followed anything. Fine.

Some kids find their passion early. Some professional ballerinas have been dancing since two and never deviated.

Maybe he'll stop. Maybe next week he'll say he never wants to kick a ball again and he never will if that's what he wants.

But right now he is breathing this.
And while a majority of children in the UK are obese mine spends hours a day running around so I'm fairly happy all around.

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