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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to offer my daughter money incentives for good gcse grades?

283 replies

Whatsmyname26 · 04/02/2020 21:13

My daughter is just starting to do some GCSEs with her first exam later this year. She is sitting them early and achieving well (looking at a level 5/6 atm) but I would like to encourage her to reach for the higher grades and remember children being given money incentives for different grades when I did my exams. Has anyone done this? Did it help encourage them to work harder to achieve higher marks? If so how much per top grade? She is only sitting one gcse this year and currently looking to sit another either November this year or next June.

Does a reward help incentivise them or should they just work because they should? I should point out she is autistic too.

OP posts:
HomeEdMom · 05/02/2020 18:54

Haven't read the thread but my experience is this. I didn't offer my DC any incentive for GCSE grades. I honestly believe that giving an incentive takes ownership of the exams away from the child and makes it about something they are doing to please you. Mine have done GCSEs and done really well and I was pleased for them. We went out for a family meal to celebrate. But their grades will be theirs for the rest of their lives.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 18:54

I've never ever pushed him

So what’s being ‘paid for goals’ about then? Grin

mine spends hours a day running around so I'm fairly happy all around.

So’s mine. He doesn’t need paid though.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 18:58

He's gets £2 per goal. If he doesn't score who cares. He's still happy. The other kids parents were doing it and he asked if we could do it and he could buy a kit.
Since we've started it he's definitely gotten better at scoring and he takes much more chances.

Great for you. Mines happy and is going to save me £120 extra on a kit.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 19:01

is going to save me £120 extra on a kit.

Who is supplying these £2s then? confused

The other kids parents were doing it

You don’t have to blindly follow what others are doing. You know that, right?

Namenic · 05/02/2020 19:06

I would reward effort rather than results. You can see how conscientious they are about doing revision and homework.

Rewarding by results is also problematic when you have kids of different abilities. No one should feel a failure for getting one grade rather than another - their self worth should not be tied to exams. Everyone can have an ‘off’ day

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 19:07

That's his money to spend. And we wouldn't have to fork out in one go.

No. But I thought it was a great idea.

Just out of curiosity. Did somebody piss in your cornflakes this morning or are you unfortunately always like this?

woodchuck99 · 05/02/2020 19:11

Quite a few of DD's friends gets rewarded for specific grades but it's something I am very against. What would happen if they did badly despite working really hard? Not giving the reward would seem to be really rubbing their faces in. I know I'd end up giving my children the money anyway If they had worked hard and as anything else would be cruel. I reward my children after the exams if I think they've worked hard but rewards are not linked to result.

LaurieMarlow · 05/02/2020 19:15

That's his money to spend. And we wouldn't have to fork out in one go

So it’s still coming from you.

Did somebody piss in your cornflakes this morning or are you unfortunately always like this?

I’ll admit to being over invested.

I’m against inventiving at the best of times. However incentivising a 5 year old, to do a sport he’d enjoy anyway, on a crude measure like goal scoring, to ‘focus’ him for the scouts just makes me incredibly sad really.

But crack on and all that. It is your child. I’ll butt out now.

Insideimsprinting · 05/02/2020 19:17

Did somebody piss in your cornflakes this morning or are you unfortunately always like this?

😁😁😁😁😁😁

I chuckled out loud, sorry.

1066vegan · 05/02/2020 20:55

@LaurieMarlow just popped back onto the thread to say that I agree with everything you've posted. Ever read any Alfie Kohn?

I do wonder if some of these children struggle when they get to university and have to develop intrinsic motivation rather than being paid by the bank of mum and dad.

Bluntness100 · 05/02/2020 21:07

I honestly believe that giving an incentive takes ownership of the exams away from the child and makes it about something they are doing to please you

Who gives a shit though as long as they achieve their potential and get thr confidence to achieve?

my2bundles · 05/02/2020 21:12

No my son is not fickle. He has however spent over a decade of his childhood playing many sports and got lots of enjoyment out of it. Your son is 5, it's a bit to early to think he will still be playing football next year let alone stick at it for several. Scouts ate looking for far more than goal scoring so you need to rethink your master plan.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 21:40

He could stop playing tomorrow. Zero fucks given.
But he's never actually stuck to one thing..OK.

We've been through scouting. He's done alright so far so I think we're getting the hang of it.

But as long as he ends it all with a smile on his face I honestly don't give a shit at all.

my2bundles · 05/02/2020 21:46

So if you don't mind if he quits why did u think you could call my child fickle? You know nothing about my kid and I assure you fickle is the absolute opposite if what he is. At 5 football was the only sport my son dI'd like your son, like yours he was spotted as where half his team, it's not unusual. Then being 5 their interests change, then change again many times over. This is not fickle this is normal childhood development.

ddraigygoch · 05/02/2020 21:47

I know he's been quite unfortunate in the parental department. JFC

Ann summers will have a fantastic sale on these coming weeks some posters here should look it up.

MissingMySleep · 05/02/2020 21:49

We did it. Got my lazy son to study as he wasn't motivated to get good grades but he wanted the money.

Frazzled2207 · 06/02/2020 08:19

My own parents did it for me.
It helped a bit but to be honest I think I was sufficiently self-motivated in the end and certainly was by the time we got to a-levels

Frazzled2207 · 06/02/2020 08:21

Reading other replies treats for "effort" seem like a better bet though.

Duvetday8 · 06/02/2020 08:22

I'd use the money to pay for a tutor to help her achieve the grades

BelieveInPeople · 06/02/2020 08:29

My parents did this with my GCSEs - it was just a bit of fun, I did well but I don’t think that that’s because of the money. They didn’t do it by the time I as doing my A levels, and I have a phd now so it didn’t dent my intrinsic motivation. I think as long as it’s accompanied by discussions about the value of learning and the opportunities that good grades offer then it’s fine.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 06/02/2020 08:32

We rewarded effort and hard work rather than for the actual grades.

tactum · 06/02/2020 08:42

I have done it with mine. With DD I didn't tell her in advance! She was very very dedicated and motivated, and bright but I wasn't quite sure her effort would get her the rewards she wanted (hence why I didn't say in advance). She did brilliantly and the day after results we sat her down and showed her what her bonus was - she was absolutely thrilled and it really gave her a buzz.

I will admit that a big motivation was DS who is the year behind her - academically brighter but cruising with minimum effort and thinks a pass is enough. The stick approach doesn't work with him so I thought the carrot of £ reward comparable to his sister's might help. His attitude has improved so far. If he gets great results then I'll never know how much of a factor it was, and I'm happy with that.

I would never have done it if my children were the other way around - rewarding DD first just seems to fit with my DC mix of ability/attitude.

nornironrock · 06/02/2020 09:13

I'll be giving mine cash incentives.

A couple of reasons.

One: It'll be a nice thing for them to look forward to when they get their results.

Two: Cash rewards for greater attainment are, generally, how the world works. Higher paid jobs, generally, come with better attainment levels. They have done for me, my wife, and our friends.

And before anyone starts mentioning fairness, I don't really care. Life is not fair. It just isn't. You can either sit and complain about it and get nowhere, or accept that life won't be fair and work round it as best you can.

I expect a massive flaming for this, so I may not be back on this thread!!!!

1066vegan · 06/02/2020 16:12

Cash rewards for greater attainment are, generally, how the world works. Higher paid jobs, generally, come with better attainment levels. They have done for me, my wife, and our friends.

It depends how you define attainment.

Generally, graduate jobs pay more than jobs open to non-graduates so there's a link there with academic attainment.

However there are many sectors where somebody with a certain level of educational attainment, length of service and success in their field will never be able earn the salary available to an equivalent individual in a different sector. For example, a law graduate who is passionate about justice may choose to go into criminal law whereas somebody who only values money and material rewards may end up in civil law, working for a company in the City. The criminal lawyer, especially if they undertake legal aid work, will be paid far less than the lawyer in private practice even if they have better attainment levels

Although some jobs have performance related pay (eg bonus if you meet your targets or if your company makes a certain amount of profit), there are many jobs where no matter how hard you work or how successfully you do your job, bonuses are just not available.

CarolineIngalls · 06/02/2020 16:17

As a parent and a behavioural psychologist, I can tell you that money is the wrong motivator for GCSE results. The kids have to want it and I'd spend more time thinking about why they should achieve. Money won't hurt, but won't help either.

We celebrate with Colin the caterpillar cake. It is silly enough for them to know we are happy FOR them. This tradition goes back to grade school report cards and we all love it. The oldest is a vegan now, though, so may need to update his cake (bummer, I like Colin)