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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to offer my daughter money incentives for good gcse grades?

283 replies

Whatsmyname26 · 04/02/2020 21:13

My daughter is just starting to do some GCSEs with her first exam later this year. She is sitting them early and achieving well (looking at a level 5/6 atm) but I would like to encourage her to reach for the higher grades and remember children being given money incentives for different grades when I did my exams. Has anyone done this? Did it help encourage them to work harder to achieve higher marks? If so how much per top grade? She is only sitting one gcse this year and currently looking to sit another either November this year or next June.

Does a reward help incentivise them or should they just work because they should? I should point out she is autistic too.

OP posts:

woodchuck99 · 06/02/2020 16:17

One: It'll be a nice thing for them to look forward to when they get their results.

Only if they assume they will get good results. What will you do if they work really hard do badly despite their efforts? Rub it in by not giving them the cash they were looking forward to?

woodchuck99 · 06/02/2020 16:19

And before anyone starts mentioning fairness, I don't really care. Life is not fair. It just isn't. You can either sit and complain about it and get nowhere, or accept that life won't be fair and work round it as best you can.

I don't know about you but whereas I accept life isn't fair, I expect my parents to be on my side not kicking me when I'm already down.

LaurieMarlow · 06/02/2020 16:33

One: It'll be a nice thing for them to look forward to when they get their results.

Personally I think the results should be their own reward. Why make everything about monetary gain? I was immensely proud of my results. The high lasted for weeks. It’s good to value things beyond money.

Two: Cash rewards for greater attainment are, generally, how the world works. Higher paid jobs, generally, come with better attainment levels

This feels very wrong headed to me. There are many occasions in life where results and effort won’t lead to to monetary reward, or not immediately.

I’d be worried about the longer term consequences of teaching them that the better you do, the more money you get. It will break down at some stage. What then?

TeenPlusTwenties · 06/02/2020 16:39

re The football discussion upthread. I think it potentially rewards/encourages not desired behaviour - ie not passing to team mates etc.
It might be better if you must reward for football (which I wouldn't do) to say reward if the whole team wins with no red/yellow cards.

1066vegan · 06/02/2020 16:45

re The football discussion upthread. I think it potentially rewards/encourages not desired behaviour - ie not passing to team mates etc.
Totally agree

It might be better if you must reward for football (which I wouldn't do) to say reward if the whole team wins with no red/yellow cards.
Great idea

1066vegan · 06/02/2020 16:48

I know this is derailing the thread even more than it's been derailed already, but I'm really curious as to whether there's a correlation in the split between those who offer monetary rewards in advance and those who offer no reward/reward effort/give nice little reward (eg cake, pizza, family meal) after results and the political beliefs of those 2 groups (eg Brexit/Remain, parties people voted for in the last election).

LaurieMarlow · 06/02/2020 17:14

It might be better if you must reward for football (which I wouldn't do) to say reward if the whole team wins with no red/yellow cards.

Absolutely!

ddraigygoch · 06/02/2020 17:42

There are no Red/Yellow cards at this stage.

Also his passing is really good at the minute the team have had it drilled into them recently and it's gone really well.

Still got that one kid that pick a up the ball half way through 😂😅 but I'm sure he'll get there eventually.

copperoliver · 06/02/2020 18:59

I gave mine money x

ladybee28 · 07/02/2020 10:45

This feels very wrong headed to me. There are many occasions in life where results and effort won’t lead to to monetary reward, or not immediately. I’d be worried about the longer term consequences of teaching them that the better you do, the more money you get. It will break down at some stage. What then?

Precisely.

Also, let's not mess around – when you get to really high-paid work, who your uncle is has far more to do with how much you earn than what grades you got. Not many inner-city kids suited and booted and drinking mimosas in the City, and it's not because they didn't work hard in school.

THAT fact is far more in line with this "life's not fair, deal with it" than the good grades = high pay narrative.

And it doesn't matter how good your grades were – if you only got them because you were bribed by Mummy and Daddy, you'll lose your shiny new job pretty quick once they realise you lack the capacity for self-motivation.

But lazy breeds lazy – and bribes take much less effort than nuanced parenting...

cologne4711 · 07/02/2020 10:51

When I was learning to swim (I would have been about 7ish) my mum paid me 2p every time I jumped in the pool :) This was at a time when I received the princely sum of 5p a week pocket money so I could boost it quite a lot by jumping in. I wasn't, and am not, a natural swimmer and was scared of jumping in, but it worked for me.

cologne4711 · 07/02/2020 10:53

(by the way my mum voted to remain in the EU and is a lifelong Labour party member - until Corbyn came along - for the person who asked about correlation)

SD1978 · 07/02/2020 10:55

That's the way life works. Do well in exams/ work and get rewarded/ promoted. I see that as being a reasonable thing to do. If she will work harder because money is involved- absolutely go for it!

LaurieMarlow · 07/02/2020 10:56

That's the way life works. Do well in exams/ work and get rewarded/ promoted

No it doesn’t. It’s not that straightforward. Sorry.

Poorolddaddypig · 07/02/2020 11:36

Do it! I never studied outside of school. I just couldn’t get my head down and revise. Then my parents offered financial incentives and you couldn’t stop me revising

Poorolddaddypig · 07/02/2020 11:38

I think it’s ridiculous people saying that offering money is ‘wrong’ like it’s some kind of objective fact. That’s just your opinion. It’s no more valid than anyone else’s regardless of your job. Adults go to work for money, is that wrong too? The GCSEs need to be passed in order to get onto college courses or do certain jobs, they’re not particularly interesting or inspiring, they just need to be passed. Offering money is fine.

ittakes2 · 07/02/2020 11:42

My parents didn't pay me to do well in my exams but they did pay me the money I would get from working part-time and asked me to stop working the month before my exams to study extra. I was stunned. So stunned I realised how important they thought the exams were and did study harder. Got into uni by 1 or 2 points (different system in different country) so I was glad I did.

LaurieMarlow · 07/02/2020 11:42

Adults go to work for money, is that wrong too?

No. It’s how the world works.

It’s totally different to motivating for educational attainment though.

The GCSEs need to be passed in order to get onto college courses or do certain jobs, they’re not particularly interesting or inspiring, they just need to be passed

But they’re just the starting point. The question is whether your motivation techniques will drive happiness, success and resilience in the longer term. I don’t believe money for grades does this.

ladybee28 · 07/02/2020 15:04

The GCSEs need to be passed in order to get onto college courses or do certain jobs, they’re not particularly interesting or inspiring, they just need to be passed

That's the attitude that means your kids need paying to do them.

If YOU don't believe that there's more to learning than ticking boxes and jumping through hoops, there's not much hope of your kids finding it.

And adults go to work for money because they're adults. Adults also do a lot of other things that aren't appropriate for kids. That argument's so full of holes you could grate cheese with it.

cologne4711 · 07/02/2020 15:20

The question is whether your motivation techniques will drive happiness, success and resilience in the longer term. I don’t believe money for grades does this

To be honest I think you either have it or you don't, and whether you get money for decent exam grades isn't going to make any difference.

Some people are very hard working, others need a kick, others never really "get" it.

cologne4711 · 07/02/2020 15:21

If YOU don't believe that there's more to learning than ticking boxes and jumping through hoops, there's not much hope of your kids finding it

Big difference between GCSEs which are just box ticking and a hurdle to be overcome, and A levels/BTECs/future study where you can choose what to study.

cologne4711 · 07/02/2020 15:22

adults go to work for money because they're adults

So can teens not work for money either - whether that's to get good exam grades or work in a shop or cafe to earn money to spend on computer games/beer/sweets/McDonalds/clothes/make-up/whatever motivates them to want money?

Dontdisturbmenow · 07/02/2020 15:23

I did give my kids money after they got their results but they had no idea it would happen and it was a bonus but not one bit close to a reward than the pride of doing well.

pilates · 07/02/2020 15:25

^
Agree with Dontdisturbmenow

That’s what we did.

LaurieMarlow · 07/02/2020 15:32

and whether you get money for decent exam grades isn't going to make any difference.

So why bother?

And why make everything about monetary reward? Why not practice valuing things for their own sake?

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