To ask for your “computer says no” moments?

[Retpark101]

Light hearted, I’m talking about times when in a shop/supermarket/transport/anything else really, you’ve been “not allowed” or told “can’t do that sorry” when it’s something really tedious or silly. My title (for those who don’t know) refers to Little Britain’s character of a woman behind a computer who just say no to every request made of her.

Anyway I’ll share mine from this morning that gave me the idea.

In Waitrose cafe as they’ve refurbished it and it looks lovely. I’m with DD who is 2. We are looking at the kids snacks and sandwiches but DD isn’t hungry and there’s only ham or egg mayo sandwiches for kids so she isn’t interested. However she would like a banana and an innocent smoothie pouch so I pick both up and go to the counter to pay.

The woman says “sorry but the smoothie isn’t included in the kids meal deal” I say it’s fine I’ll buy it separately. She says “you also can’t have to banana on its own, you have to buy a sandwich and a kids drink as well” (which is just 2 flavours of fruit shoot)

I say I don’t mind paying extra if I can just have the banana, DD doesn’t want a sandwich or a fruit shoot. Can I not just have the banana separately? “No sorry you HAVE to buy it with the kids meal deal”

So I just got my coffee and DDs smoothie and went to get a pack of bananas from Waitrose itself then DD ate one in the cafe.

Total first world problem I know but FFS just let me buy a pissing banana on its own from the cafe without the sandwich and fruit shoot?

Tell me your stories

Tried to pay a company that my relative had forgotten to pay because of alzheimer's.
Customer services said they could not take a payment from me because I was not the account holder and therefore could not go through security.
I explained that I wanted to pay a bill not steal anything. I can do security. I also live 2 hours away from relative who could not remember when they were born let alone their postcode. They must phone, they said. I said and do what? Their automated answer machine would confuse him. He has alzheimer's. Then we can't help you. I said you have cut off his service. It is the only way of contacting anyone. I want to pay the bill not rob a bank. No,he will have to phone and go through security. HE CAN'T, HE CAN HARDLY REMEMBER HIS NAME!
I was so incensed I contacted the CEOs office via social media and within 2 hours had his bill wiped clean and a special department sorted ongoing service. This is a department for disabled customers that customer service have been trained to refer to. They didn't. Now I know that each company has one of these, I ask for them straight away.
I did say I am trying to pay you and you are making it very hard. I could leave this for you to recover from an 86 year old alzheimer's man...good luck with that!

council tax rebate. Only works for self employed people on universal credit, not those on legacy benefits.
works out your wages based on NMW and 35 hrs a week.
Id be happy with that, as is about what I get with self employment and tax credits and carers allowance (am job limited due to disabled daughter needing alot of care)
BUT council tax benefit then take the 'self employment calculation of income' and ADD ON tax credits and carers allowance, thereby nearly doubling my actual earnings.
I explained that if I WERE earning NMW@35 hrs a week I wouldnt qualify for carers, and tax credits would be negligable. And if I were earning what they calculated I would happily pay my full council tax

Doesnt matter. Thats how they work it out. Their system wont accept my actual figures

So last 4 years Ive had to find an extra £130 a month which is a huge dent in my budget.

He has alzheimer's. Then we can't help you. I said you have cut off his service. It is the only way of contacting anyone. I want to pay the bill not rob a bank. No,he will have to phone and go through security. HE CAN'T, HE CAN HARDLY REMEMBER HIS NAME!

This is outrageous. Once they said that, I wouldn't bother trying to reason with them and just inform them clearly that their company is acting illegally in their discriminatory policies against the disabled and you are now going to hang up and report them to the appropriate authorities - and warn them not to delete the recording of the conversation as this will be needed as evidence against them.

FIL has alzheimers and is in the late stages. He cannot communicate. The care home lost his glasses. Not a problem you would think, the opticians will have his prescription. Unfortunately it's been over 2 years since his last test so they wont make a new pair, they suggest getting a new test! So poor guy as well as not being able to talk cannot see anything as well. I've written a strongly worded letter but no response!

Can't register my DTs for online booking at GPs as they have the same date of birth and postcode. Surely they've come across this before?

Can't register my DTs for online booking at GPs as they have the same date of birth and postcode. Surely they've come across this before?

We had this at our local hospital! They both needed hip scans at 6 weeks old and had back-to-back appointments. The check-in machine didn't ask for names, just DOB and postcode, and got very confused by the fact that this information wasn't unique for that day's patients. It threw up an error and advised us to check in with a receptionist instead. There were no receptionists - they'd been replaced by the machine!

I used to have a double barrelled name without a hyphen between the two surnames. DVLA issued me a driving licence with an erroneous hyphen between the two names. When I rang them they told me it was impossible to have a double barreled name without a hyphen! “Erm what is I was Von Dyke or something?“ I was told "people don't have names like that" FFS

They relented in the end but I could never put my driving licence number in any government website without it saying it was wrong!!

Also, I live in a house that used to be one building and is now 2 houses and the systems often say that there is no such address!!!

@tooorevealing Crying at "No I have not stopped smoking because I is a BABY".

Had one this weekend with Tesco clubcard. DH went into his account to do something and it promptly booted him out then said it didn't recognise his clubcard. So I pop on to my account as I'm an additional account holder and did what we needed to. All fine we thought, but he needed to call them to sort his account. For some reason they said his clubcard was registered at his old (over 5yo since he left there) work email and in his parents address - where he hasn't lived for nearly 15 years. They could see he has updated his online account regularly so did some jiggery pokery and got it all working again.

Only to find what they'd done had then booted me off the clubcard and out of my mobile account (which suddenly said it didn't recognise my number existed). The mobile lot could see what had happened and got me back into that account and told me to call the clubcard lot up again.

Called them back up, only to find the same scenario - they have me down with a now defunct clubcard number in my maiden name registered to my parents old address from about 15 years before. Again they could see I'd been regularly updating the online account with new details. We realised in both cases they had us down with the details from when we initially registered our individual clubcards, and updating our details in the online accounts wasn't updating their details - despite us receiving statements and vouchers in our current names, current emails and current address. They kept telling us that it was impossible to have happened. But it had. To both of us at the same time. It was a complete waste of a morning though but thankfully found someone who managed to sort it out again. Even though it never could have happed ever 🤷‍♀️

Having some related issues atm.
Friend was assaulted and hospitalised with a head injury. Friend has autism and chronic pain (and a spinal condition). Hospital kept friend in a&e for 10 hours, on a chair...did a scan, discovered brain bleed and wanted to admit friend, but had no beds. After 25 hours friend self-discharged as in terrible pain and overwhelmed.
Friends GP won't do a follow up scan or make an emergency appointment for a check up, "because you discharged yourself"
Am chasing with hospital right now. GP seems to be utterly useless.

A long time ago when DH and I were students he went to a burger van (admittedly after a night out but not too drunk) which sold egg butties and burgers, DH asked if he could have a fried egg on his burger, the van man said its not on the menu so no, DH said just charge me for an egg butty and a burger but leave out the bun for the butty and just put the egg straight on the burger, the van man insisted it was not on the menu so no, DH ordered an egg butty and burger, then proceded to put the egg directly on the burger in front of him and leave the wasted bun on the counter....

The bereavement process has been terrible for so many customers and from so many different companies - hopefully the new vulnerable customer guidelines will change this.

Mine was for a website, can’t remember which one, but it was asking for my name and email address. But wouldn’t accept either as there was two identical consecutive letters . I mean, yes there was, but the surname ‘Simmons’ for example is not that uncommon!? I just cancelled out of it in the end.

I’ve also had the pharmacist’s assistant gravely tell me that Calpol 6+ given to a child aged 5 years 11 months and 29 days could be dangerous. I too went elsewhere.

An annoying situation where I needed hydrocortisone for my eyelids - pharmacy can’t sell it to you if it’s for your face. Agreed that was what I needed. No GP appointments for a few days, so saw the nurse at the walk in. She can’t prescribe . Ended up going back the chemist and saying it was for my arm. That was fine. I can kind of see the logic behind it but what a waste of time...

My NowTV box remote stopped working after 6 months. Common fault apparently. Contacted NowTV and asked for a replacement remote. Computer said a firm no unless I paid a tenner. Explained it was six months old. Still no and go back to where you bought it.

Spoke to Amazon, who, despite selling the remote on its own couldn't send me one and insisted the whole thing needed to go back for a full refund. I asked what the point of returning a fully working system for the sake of just a £10 remote. Guy on chat was equally baffled but said he had no way around it.

No wonder we send so much to landfill.

Can I add another one? Can't believe ve I forgot it.... I've separated from my husband and have spent 7 months trying to transfer the BT account into my name. All they need to do is do a credit check on me and change the names, nope. I have requested it is changed at least 10 times. I have had accounts set up and cancelled, I have had next doors phone line cancelled 3 times instead by mistake. I'm still stuck here paying an extortionate bill that's not in my name. You wouldn't think it beyond the wit of an IT company to you know, do some IT!!