To ask for your “computer says no” moments?

[Retpark101]

Light hearted, I’m talking about times when in a shop/supermarket/transport/anything else really, you’ve been “not allowed” or told “can’t do that sorry” when it’s something really tedious or silly. My title (for those who don’t know) refers to Little Britain’s character of a woman behind a computer who just say no to every request made of her.

Anyway I’ll share mine from this morning that gave me the idea.

In Waitrose cafe as they’ve refurbished it and it looks lovely. I’m with DD who is 2. We are looking at the kids snacks and sandwiches but DD isn’t hungry and there’s only ham or egg mayo sandwiches for kids so she isn’t interested. However she would like a banana and an innocent smoothie pouch so I pick both up and go to the counter to pay.

The woman says “sorry but the smoothie isn’t included in the kids meal deal” I say it’s fine I’ll buy it separately. She says “you also can’t have to banana on its own, you have to buy a sandwich and a kids drink as well” (which is just 2 flavours of fruit shoot)

I say I don’t mind paying extra if I can just have the banana, DD doesn’t want a sandwich or a fruit shoot. Can I not just have the banana separately? “No sorry you HAVE to buy it with the kids meal deal”

So I just got my coffee and DDs smoothie and went to get a pack of bananas from Waitrose itself then DD ate one in the cafe.

Total first world problem I know but FFS just let me buy a pissing banana on its own from the cafe without the sandwich and fruit shoot?

Tell me your stories

Not missing any point. The security measures exist for good reason. The posters claims that they "knew" a complete stranger wasn't up to anything nefarious are ridiculous! They could have come seriously unstuck doing such a thing and may if they do again in future.

The idea that those up to no good obviously look like "wrong 'uns" is laughable. As shown by the photos i posted of 3 convicted drug smugglers who fit the rough description of the person the poster helped.

The rules also exists for more mundane health and safety reasons and I for one don't want people flouting those rules when it comes to something as important as flight safety.

I think this thread is haunting me!
Did a TripAdvisor review for a tearoom in Norwich this afternoon, submitted the review and was then asked if I wanted to review anymore restaurants from the supplied list. Four of them had been out of business for more than a year (Jamie's Italian being one of them!).

I had a house fire, lost pretty much everything. Had virgin TV at the time. Called them to cancel as we were in a hotel for months.

Insisted I return the box, or they would charge me £150. I cant I say it's molten, ruined box currently on my drive.

Not good enough, I have to return.

I cant I say, the insurance people have to count everything out. I can send photos with proof of fire damaged box.

Nope, days of arguing before they got it.

Same fire, the company sent an electrician to loo to replace the meter box where the fire started, it was totally trashed. Electrician insisted he was here to change a fuse, his call centre refused to listen to either of is what the issue was!!!

@graphista, like I say it's a risk I understand. I know that not all terrorists or drug smugglers look stereotypical. Bear in mind that I carried an item (that I chose - the girl had half her stuff out of her bag and was considering what she'd leave behind to save money) from the top of the stairs at the gate to the bottom of the stairs at the gate. In quickly picked a heavy & compact item to help her out. The whole incident took less than 5 minutes. I would no way in hell have carried any item through customs or indeed for any distance. I would still say low risk. But each to their own, you wouldn't take that risk and that's what works for you.

I booked flights from London to Easter Island with LAN Chile. When my confirmation email arrived, I saw that they’d booked the flight segments in the wrong order. I contacted LAN Chile and they merely said that they reserved the right to change flight dates.

I tried to explain to various employees that that wasn’t the problem - the problem was that it was physically impossible for me to fly from Madrid to Santiago then from London to Madrid. No one could understand why this was was an issue for me. After various calls and emails, I eventually spoke to someone who got it, and who sorted the flights out for me.

In the Halifax at the counter, paying in a cheque, I put my card down for a second on the counter, and someone managed to steal it. I noticed almost immediately and told the cashier, who said - "You can't report it here, you'll have to phone us...but you can use our phone. "

I had one about an hour ago. Going through bank security checks on the phone and they asked me for first 2 letters of the memorable word I used when I opened the account.
Not my phone banking or online banking passcodes, the one I told them in 1992!

We both had a laugh, and she moved onto the next question.

@candative

Oh no says easyJet rep, your plastic bag is not a handbag. Says I, who are you to judge my fashion choices?

I love it!!

The key is to ask for their bereavement department, they usually have one.

Yes, but customers may not be aware of this, and even if they are, may not be thinking straight as they have just been bereaved.

Call centre staff should be the ones who are aware, and instead of repeatedly insisting on talking to the account holder who has died, should be able to say, "I'm sorry to hear that. I am going to transfer you to our bereavement department," and just do it. It should be part of basic procedures, but there are so many tales from so many companies adding to people's distress unnecessarily.

Tried to help my mum do an online renewal of her driving license she’s over 80 so o do lots of everyday admin forces ber. Lots of problems and just couldn’t get it to do anything.

In the end we gave up and she Called them to sort it out. Seems her passport has a different name in it from the Driving license - one had 2 middle names, the other just one. Which meant when they were cross checked against each other, they didn’t match so the computer always said no.

The person mum spoke to the next day was amazed that she had managed to do this as it wasn’t supposed to have been possible with their systems for about 15-20 years and yet mum would have renewed her driving license 3 times and managed keeping them different in this time!

All interactions with my GP’s receptionist team ever.

I walked into a pub in Scotland on holiday and asked if they had any rooms. They said they didn't know I would have to phone the central booking line. I had no signal so asked to use their phone. So I ended up standing in the pub ringing some phone number to book a room that was upstairs!

My GP surgery - utterly backwards ways of doing everything. They’d put my child’s NHS number in incorrectly so when I phoned 111 he could only have an emergency GP appointment 60 miles away. Computer said no to booking an emergency appointment anywhere closer. I drove him to A&E instead.

We can only make appointments over the phone, not in person at the desk. We can only order repeat prescriptions in person using the little hand written slip which is on a little table outside in the foyer. So when I needed to reorder my medication and make an appointment for the same issue I was told they’d take my slip but I’d have to phone for an appointment. The appointment would be made using the exact computer the receptionist was sitting at. I phoned from the foyer whilst looking at her through the glass.

The talk of gp receptionists reminds me of a recent interaction. I have asthma but for several years was just put on blue inhalers and watched because whilst my symptoms weren't bad, several drs over that time were of the opinion that it would come back to bite me on the butt. Seems they were right, symptoms this winter have gone back to old levels so called in to ask if I could have an appointment with the nurse who deals with asthma. Only to be told I don't have Asthma. I'd had several asthma reviews since I'd been with that surgery - no you haven't the receptionist said. Then she claimed I'd never had a diagnosis, not with them I said, but when I was a child. Asked them to double check the dates I was prescribed blue inhalers and see what the attached appointment was about - nearly always a double appointment down as just B12 but not the other things. Asked them to check notes, just mentioned B12 and inhalers prescribed. Receptionist said that didn't mean I had asthma. Practice Manager got involved, got me an appointment and low and behold nurse says 'oh you've got really bad haven't you, you're going to have to go back on brown inhalers'.

My GP has a unusually efficient system of flagging up health issues and then sending you relevant preventative health texts. The only problem is, my daughter was incorrectly flagged. At New Year and other motivating times of year I get " Thinking about stopping smoking? Take advantage of the new NHS programme blah blah". I amused myself for a while by replying to the automated texts "No I have not stopped because I is a BABY" and similar things.

More aggressively they started to send texts saying "You have not been in for your smokers' checkup, ! Did you know your chance of getting lung cancer increases by x y z..."

I rang them to get her taken off the list but they said she would have to come in and tell them she has stopped smoking & drinking quite so much. I said once she was older and able to say more than "mamama" they would be the first to hear about her lifestyle change.

I booked with easyJet to fly from where I live in the EU back to Edinburgh to visit my parents. Travelling with my husband and my son, who was going to turn 2 while we were there. Asked customer service if it was best to book a return or the two flights separately as my son would be on my lap on the way there, but in his own seat on the way back. Just book a return they said. Once you've flown there we can change the booking so he has his own seat.

I'm always prompt to check in, but the system wouldn't let me as it said he was too old to be an "infant". I couldn't just check in one flight.

I spoke to three different customer service people who said that was just the way the system was and sorry, there was nothing they could do so please check in at the airport. I was pretty annoyed that they'd recommended one booking as they should have known there would be a problem with the system!

Got to the airport and went up to the check-in desk and asked to check in. The desk person frowned, but took our passports, then a moment later said the flight was full! Sorry, nothing she can do!

We had to go to the gate to see if anyone didn't turn up. There was a single seat free, but also one other person waiting like us so they gave it to him. Then we had to go to the Menzies desk in the check in hall (easyJet don't have their own booking desk there) and the sympathetic woman there booked us onto another flight to Edinburgh but via Gatwick. We already knew there was compensation for denied boarding, but she said that it would be more if we "voluntarily offloaded", so we agreed to that.

In the end we arrived about 6 hours after we should have (and Gatwick was a nightmare!), but they paid us 3 x €500 for our trouble

Moral of the story is always check in online promptly - booking a seat isn't a guarantee that you'll actually get on the plane! And if you're travelling with an infant on your lap and can apply for compensation (if you're delayed by more than 3 hours for example) you can apply for compensation for them too!

And they call it EASYJet!

Literally just had one. Phoned surgery as gp asked me to call her about results. Receptionist: ok. She'll call you this afternoon.
Me: I'm at the solicitor between 12-1.00. Can you put a note on the system to call after that.
Receptionist: can't do that. The system won't let me.
Me: Well can you pop a post it note in her office then, to let her know?
Receptionist: Oh no, she's not in until after 2.00

Sigh.

Told by the GP today that I must book a follow-up appointment in three weeks before I left the surgery.

Receptionist said the computer can't do that; I have to ring up first thing in the morning on the day I want an appointment.

I said gently that if the doctor wants to see me in three weeks' time as she said, she will have to arrange it; please make a note to that effect and let her have it. Afternoon onlyplease, because I don't do mornings. Then I left.

Since I don't need or want that appointment, and it is entirely to please her that I would waste both our time going in to tell her nothing had changed because I had not yet had the hospital appointment before which there will be no change, I shan't worry one way or the other.

Around the time Orange was changing to EE, I got married and notified Orange of my surname change.
About 9 months later I needed to change my phone and setup a new contract with EE (as new Orange contracts weren't offered anymore) but also wanted to keep my number and my magic numbers (where you wouldn't get charged ringing favourite numbers unless you were on the phone for over 3 hours)
Unfortunately, even though EE had taken over from Orange, they didn't recognise my name change. I spent ages on the phone to Orange help desk who had records of my name change, but EE didn't as the details that had been transferred to them from Orange were before my name change. And even though there were telling everyone they were the same company, they were actually still treated as 2 separate companies and couldn't (wouldn't) communicate with each other.
They wouldn't listen to the guy at Carphone warehouse who was trying to sell me a phone, and taking my marriage certificate to an EE store was useless as they wouldn't help. I was desperate to keep my magic numbers as I only had 200 minutes a month.
In the end I had to cancel my accounts with both Orange and EE, and then set up a brand new account with EE, losing my magic numbers, just to get the new phone.

Other fun times at my GP....

They created 2 medical records for DD2 and randomly attached some info to one, and some to another.

They got some system where patients could view their records online. I clicked out of idle curiosity. It had a whole childhood medical history for me at my GP in Doncaster.

Except, I did not grow up in the UK. And I have never been to Doncaster.

I asked how to change it, given I grew up in the US. The practice manager asked if maybe my mum had come back to the UK for medical appts. Yep, she flew back from NY to the UK every time I had a bug or needed a jab. Bonķers.

Then it turned out that someone at a previous practice had entered all this info. But the only way to change it was to make a formal complaint against my current practice.

But they hadn't done anything wrong.... still, that is hòw ìt works.

I didn't bother!

I used to have a webpage and associated email address. At some point I renewed the subscription and realised they had me as Mr and not Ms.
I contacted the service provider by email who said I had to phone X department between 9 and 5 on weekdays. Eventually found an opportunity to do so and was told that in order to correct the error they would need to see my passport to prove identity.
I don't have a passport.
Then could I send them my birth certificate.
No. It says clearly on a birth certificate 'this is not proof of identity'
I asked if they could just refer to their earlier records which had the correct title and amend from there.
No, that was against procedure.
I pointed out that payment was made from my bank account with the title Ms so the bank might refuse to pay the DD set up, but they just kept asking for my birth certificate - which incidentally I would have to send to their HQ in Germany.
I terminated the contract.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff - I would get it changed for insurance purposes. Assuming you have life or critical illness cover. Say something happens to you then the insurance company will check your records. I wouldn't risk them not paying out over their admin error.

I ordered a new drivers licence from the DVLA. It needed to be collected from the post office depot.

Due to the nature of the package I had to show ID in order for them to let me have it. They would only accept a passport or drivers licence.

At that point in time I had no passport, so the only ID they would accept was my drivers licence. I had to explain many times I couldn't show them my drivers licence in order to get the package as it was IN THE FUCKING PACKAGE.

A manager had to step in eventually, and I finally was allowed to leave the depot with my new drivers licence!

I was talking to someone whose children were having difficulty researching their home town for a school project because obscenities were flagged up in all the searches. They lived in SCUNTHORPE.

I heard a similar thing happened to residents of Lightwater.

I also remember reading - it might be apocryphal, but reading the above and knowing how things are, I can well believe it - a small theatre company sent emails to a lot of schools in their region, offering to put on a pantomime for their pupils, pointing out that it would be a fun and educational way of introducing them to the performing arts. They were very disappointed to receive virtually no replies, not even to decline the offer. It turned out that most of their emails had never arrived, having been intercepted by the schools' obscenity blocker. Whoever would have thought that Dick Whittington was one for the adults only, eh?

Still not as ludicrous as the group of schools in one county whose systems automatically denied pupils access to all sites containing obscenities - including their very own school websites there in SusSEX.