To ask for your “computer says no” moments?

[Retpark101]

Light hearted, I’m talking about times when in a shop/supermarket/transport/anything else really, you’ve been “not allowed” or told “can’t do that sorry” when it’s something really tedious or silly. My title (for those who don’t know) refers to Little Britain’s character of a woman behind a computer who just say no to every request made of her.

Anyway I’ll share mine from this morning that gave me the idea.

In Waitrose cafe as they’ve refurbished it and it looks lovely. I’m with DD who is 2. We are looking at the kids snacks and sandwiches but DD isn’t hungry and there’s only ham or egg mayo sandwiches for kids so she isn’t interested. However she would like a banana and an innocent smoothie pouch so I pick both up and go to the counter to pay.

The woman says “sorry but the smoothie isn’t included in the kids meal deal” I say it’s fine I’ll buy it separately. She says “you also can’t have to banana on its own, you have to buy a sandwich and a kids drink as well” (which is just 2 flavours of fruit shoot)

I say I don’t mind paying extra if I can just have the banana, DD doesn’t want a sandwich or a fruit shoot. Can I not just have the banana separately? “No sorry you HAVE to buy it with the kids meal deal”

So I just got my coffee and DDs smoothie and went to get a pack of bananas from Waitrose itself then DD ate one in the cafe.

Total first world problem I know but FFS just let me buy a pissing banana on its own from the cafe without the sandwich and fruit shoot?

Tell me your stories

*London isn't a county

I applied to a bank for a $10k credit card as it game me more reward points. They rejected me because I'm not a citizen of the country I'm in.

Went to a mortgage broker 2 weeks later. Broker told me the best offer was from the the same bank. They approved me for $1m

I think the reason for the requirement for counties is the adaptation of American software where state has been replaced by county, everyone has a state in the USA (waiting for how long it will be before someone points out there are also commonwealth's in the USA)

My 20yo DD couldn’t buy a pizza cutter as it comes under ‘knife and sharp object’ and she is under 25. She had to get me to buy her one 🤣.

Was doing dry January and bought some no alcohol Seedlip. Scan yourself Machine started flashing red as it needed staff approval. An 18 year old had to confirm to the computer that I was indeed old enough to purchase a 0% alcohol beverage.

DS was 5y & 11m. Went to sainsbos to buy calpol. While in the pharmacy bit I noticed the sweetie version of Calpol 6+.

Requested this from pharmacist & STUPIDLY made conversation along the lines of "DS is 6 later this month"

Result: immediate refusal to sell me calpol sweets.

Went down the road to Asda & got them. Kept my big mouth shut & returned home to sick child.

Pound shop had packs of plastic wine glasses I wanted for a bbq last year. Took four packs of five to the till only for the woman serving to say oh we don’t normally sell this many to one person as we’re low on stock and someone else might want to buy some. Couldn’t get my head around that one for a while.

Just remembered another one from when we moved house a couple of years ago. Rang bank to change address. Wanted them to change address on all accounts. But there was a problem with sons child trust fund, as he was 12, which is the age where apparently you might not necessarily be moving with the rest of your family and have to phone up yourself, and answer all the security questions yourself, and if your mum has to tell you the postcode of the new house you haven't moved to yet so don't know, that's a fail and you have to hang up and ring back and start again.

Love this thread, remembered another one. Years ago on easyJet they weighed my carry on bag and declared it too heavy by 1kg. Fine says I, I will put on my coat and put a couple of small heavier items (books) in a plastic bag and carry on, as you were then allowed one bigger bag and one smaller bag/laptop case. Oh no says easyJet rep, your plastic bag is not a handbag. Says I, who are you to judge my fashion choices? Where in the Ts&Cs does it describe the handbag. It was all very computer says no. I eventually agreed with her that the minute I got through security I would go to one of the shops, buy a proper handbag and put the 2 books in it. She was happy. I was just saying that. Got on the plane with everything (coats and 2 books and plastic bag) back in the main carry on bag. The world did not end.

I have also volunteered to put a complete strangers laptop in my underweight bag and pretended we were mates (it was obvious we'd just met) to subvert the Ryanair bag weighing/extortion racket in the boarding line. Then handed the laptop back to them minutes later at the steps of the plane. That felt good.

As you can guess, I end up flying budget airlines a lot, a quirk of what my local airport does so there is limited choice. A family who had stepped back from check in to redistribute the contents of their unevenly weighted bags (collectively under the limit they had paid for - natch) were overheard saying 'who the hell would travel with a scale for their bag?!', 'that would be me' I remarked, and loaned them one for 5 minutes.

Actually, counties are becoming redundant in some ways.

They are not part of your postal address, you need post town and postcode but not county.

And some counties have disappeared due to the increase in Unitary authorities.

EG, Leicestershire does not include the city of Leicester, as the city is a unitary authority and independent of the county. Peterborough is also a Unitary authority and independent of Cambridge county council. And so on.

Candative, I would never put a complete stranger’s laptop in my luggage!!!!

Blimey, think how that could pan out....

Peterborough is also a Unitary authority and independent of Cambridge county council

Peterborough has been in and out of Cambridgeshire and Northamptonshire. It was in the latter when I was a child. I’m quite surprised Lincolnshire never made a bid for it!

Ah yes, the joys of having the correct number of names; the computer says you have to have two, not three like PP's daughter, or just one, like me.
When my school updated its internal email system, the "staff only" part of the website required three initials. I only have two. I was seriously expected to make up a fictional middle initial, and remember it, to keep the computer, or rather its unthinking program deviser, satisfied.
I have also been told that I don't know how to spell my name! It's the less common Scandinavian spelling of a name usually spelt in Germanic style (K instead of Ch) as I was specifically named for a Danish family friend. At age 6, I actually had to argue the odds with a teacher at school.....she apparently admitted to my DM later, in private, that she was taken aback by my strong-minded defence! Children's names in London back in those days lacked the rich variety we now see.

Alsohuman North Lincolnshire and North Est Lincolnshire are also unitary authorities now, and independent of the county of Lincolnshire 😁

Talking of chip shops...

Our local chippy has a meal deal, chips, curry and a sausage in a tray. It's the same price as just chips and curry. I'm not keen on chippy sausage so always ask for my sausage to be put in DH'S meal. We've done this for years - until new woman started in the chippy.
Absolutely couldn't put my sausage on dhs tray. Wasn't allowed and what would she put it through the till at? Dh would have to pay for two sausages. Tried to explain. Failed. Gave up.

Next visit it was her again, I did ask and once again she launched into how she couldn't do that etc. This time boss was behind her, knew we had been doing it that way for years and managed to explain that there was no difference at all. Don't think she was pleased and she glared at us every time we went in until she left. I don't think a customer facing role was her thing.

@Graphista

I live in Bristol but pay my council tax to Bath....

Both are Unitary Authorities since Avon was abolished 25+ years ago.

Amazing how often Avon appears in county dropdown boxes though. Is the software never updated? It's been gone a quarter of a century!

Oh no says easyJet rep, your plastic bag is not a handbag. Says I, who are you to judge my fashion choices? Where in the Ts&Cs does it describe the handbag. It was all very computer says no That's so funny!

Letter today from DVLA. Vehicle tax reminder. Very important to tax my vehicle. Go online to tax vehicle

My road tax is zero. Will I still have to go online to pay £0 to tax it? Do I have to put my card details in? It's not due until August.

That has amused me about airlines for a long time... Hand baggage too heavy, but you can take an offending item out and put it in your pocket, then it is fine... (DH once ended up with the chargers for his laptops in his pockets, a long with his book, laptops under his arm as they were counted separately, then his hand luggage was a suitable weight and ok)

Diabetic DF is having regular appointments at the foot clinic once a week. His diabetic nurse from his GP surgery rang and said I need to book you in for your annual check up at the foot clinic. DF said oh that won’t be necessary, I’m having extensive treatment there weekly at the minute, I was there just yesterday. Receptionist said he still needed to book an annual check up so she could tick it off on the system. DF said he wouldn’t be doing this as he literally had an appointment booked at the clinic every week for the next however many months and didn’t need another one! She ended up calling him difficult and rude and putting him down as refusing treatment

Was remortgaging house to pay for a number of improvements. Whilst waiting for it all to go through spotted the perfect kitchen in a sale, so bought it on DHs credit card. Went in to sign the mortgage paperwork and stupidly mentioned that we’d done this. Immediately refused to lend us the money until I’d taken independent financial advice as I was jointly borrowing money some of which would be paying back the kitchen money which was in DH name only. Pointed out that I have a credit card on DHs account, on which I can spend whatever I wish, and it would become DHs debt, not mine, but he hadn’t been told to take financial advice, but nope, weren’t budging.

Said ok, we won’t pay the credit card off, which will gave us more debt overall, but that was fine.

Ended up paying the credit card off with money saved for a bathroom, then bought said bathroom with mortgage money. Also fine.

After 9/11 my friend got her hair clip taken off her in security as it was a 'sharp item', they sold the same hair clips in Accessorize in the duty free area once through security!

WitchQueenofDarkness

I see your Avon and give you... Middlesex 😁

Hasn't existed for at least 25 years, yet people still use it in their postal address.

I recently had to attend A&E. My full name is Weasels King Henry, Weasels Henry for usual use. So when my name was called as King Henry, initially it didn't register. Eventually I realised it was me they were looking for (hello?)

In triage the nurse insisted on calling me King. No I said, my first name is Weasels. I had to repeat this several times as she didn't seem to be getting it. Eventually she turned her screen round and pointed to my name - which was set out as Henry, Weasels King. "So is this wrong?" she asked. I said no, that's correct, Weasels is my first name and King is my second name.

"Ah, I see. OK King, what's going to happen next is..."

cologne4711 I think you'll need to go online and go through the rigmarole as it'll just confirm you've gone through the process.

Otherwise, worse case, your car flags up on the ANPR system as unpaid tax and causing hassle you have to sort out.