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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a Primary school 2 miles away may as well be in another country ?!

151 replies

Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 15:31

Hello wise mumsnetters

Had a heated debate with a friend today over text. She is not on this site so I’m pretty confident posting on here, ha.

She is moving back to the UK from UAE with a Infant school aged child. Schools over there are very different, it seems that you pick which one you like, make sure you’re work will cover the fees or you can cover them yourself, and your child gets in.

She is moving back to the UK to a suburb of Manchester, she will be living half a mile from me. She can’t afford the suburb 2-3 miles over as the houses are extortionately priced IMO and she can’t afford the mortgage on a £700,000 semi detached ! Which is fair enough because neither can I.

The thing is she doesn’t want her kid to go to one of the 3 ‘Outstanding’ schools in the area she’s moving to. She has a few friends in the more desirable suburb and she is applying to the school which their kids go to. Apparently people living 0.3 miles from it can’t get their kids in, so no idea why she thinks she will be different ?!

I’ve told her she needs to change her expectations but she is insistent she wants her dc to go to this school, it has childcare attached and all these wonderful extra curricular things and parent nights out and trips and blah blah !!

My kids school is lovely and I’m really happy with it. I feel a bit offended and I don’t know why.

Also frustrated that she thinks her child will get in because they’re starting in Sept of yr 2. I don’t think it’s fair ?!

AIBU for thinking that a school two miles away from your house in a city setting is A pointless Task ?!

OP posts:
Glittercandle · 03/02/2020 15:35

She can think what she likes, it isn’t going to help her child get i to a school which is so far away from home.

Singlebutmarried · 03/02/2020 15:36

There’ll be a catchment area. Likely she won’t be in it.

If the school is that desirable there will also be a waiting list (which the local authority can advise of).

So she can apply, but expect to be disappointed.

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2020 15:39

Who cares? Confused

If it's oversubscribed then the child won't get in anyway.

I'd spend more time working on your self-esteem and being ok with your own choices.

As soon as you've mastered that, another parent deciding to send their child to a different school, won't enter your radar.

paw1977 · 03/02/2020 15:40

I had similar discussion with my sister . Who just thought she could send her son to whichever school she felt . In the end , I just let her get on with it. She found out the hard way .

lengthenmylutealphase · 03/02/2020 15:42

Well if they don't get in then they don't get in.
I'm not sure why you're taking it so personally.

Motacilla · 03/02/2020 15:44

Starting in Sept Y3 might make a difference due to infant class size rules but I am not sure what difference Y2 would make. I think you might be taking this a little too personally and are a little too invested though.

RhymingRabbit3 · 03/02/2020 15:47

Not much point in arguing with her. She can apply to that school if she wants. Chances are she wont get in, but that's not your problem.

You're offended because she is saying this other school is better than the one where your kids go. Maybe it is, but you like your one so what's the problem. When she ends up at a crap school because she wasnt accepted into the one far away and didnt put the close ones on the list, she will realise her mistake.

Lojoh · 03/02/2020 15:48

If it's Chorlton Park there's no way she'll get in. I know someone who is homeschooling while waiting to get in there and she's in sight of the gates.

Sirzy · 03/02/2020 15:49

She can want to get into whatever school but if there are no places there are no places.

megletthesecond · 03/02/2020 15:50

She's going to have a steep learning curve isn't she.

CakeandCustard28 · 03/02/2020 15:52

Let her find out the hard way, no point going on about it if she’s ignoring the fact if they have no spaces there’s no chance.

formerbabe · 03/02/2020 15:54

I knew a woman like this through a friend of a friend. She would boast about how her dc was going to one of the top state primaries in another borough...she didn't get it obviously. Her dc went to the local school, as i silently predicted! ...no idea why she thought she was entitled to or could somehow bypass the admissions criteria every one else was subject to.

AriadnesFilament · 03/02/2020 16:02

Leave her to it.

She’ll either get a sharp shock when they don’t get in, or spend the next few years dragging her arse through city suburb traffic at rush hour unnecessarily to join in with snooty posh suburb parent oneupmanship.

Either way, it’ll be a pain in her arse, not yours.

FrockFrockFrockityFrock · 03/02/2020 16:03

Some people seem to think the rules don't apply to them or it'll be a different outcome based on their own specific circumstances. I run across this a lot with people. She'll learn shortly it just ain't gonna happen.

DaveGrohlsMuse · 03/02/2020 16:06

She's right that starting in Yr3 may help here as catchment is likely not to be relevant. My DC's go to a school with a teeny catchment, but after after reception in-year transfers seem to happen fairly regularly with kids that would have had no chance at the initial application stage. I live in an area, however, that can have quite a transient population as people move away, move back home etc. So obviously if that isn't the case at her school of choice, then she'll just get put on the waiting list like everyone else.

If there was an outstanding school close to my house, then unless I had real concerns that it wouldn't suit my child, then no way would I choose one 2 miles away. Living a short walking distance from school is pretty priceless.

sonjadog · 03/02/2020 16:06

She can do what she likes and deal with the consequences herself. I think you need to take a step back and not get so worked up about your friend´s choices!

leadbetter5 · 03/02/2020 16:08

Stop trying OP, it will just damage your friendship. You've told her your opinion, now stop. She will learn you are right, or she will get lucky. Don't mention it again unless she specifically asks.

cuckooken · 03/02/2020 16:08

You sound really angry and annoyed about this. Who cares what she does or what the result is?

marvellousnightforamooncup · 03/02/2020 16:08

Nod, smile, invest in popcorn and practice your knowing, smug face.

PineappleDanish · 03/02/2020 16:08

Agree with what everyone else has said, there's nothing stopping her applying. But she's in for a shock when it's a flat no and then she'll have to reconsider.

My youngest is due to transfer to secondary this year - we're in Scotland so it's a bit different but the school is very much in demand and if you don't live in catchment, or have a sibling already in the school, you don't get a place. There are two children in his primary class in this situation. Both sets of parents have adopted a "head in hte sand" approach, refuse to accept that their children won't get in, won't look at alternatives, are merrily sending their children to the transition events and putting their names down for blazer measuring. Total madness and some of the other parents have tried saying something, but they just don't want to hear it.

They'll also be the ones wailing and gnashing their teeth when the placing requests are refused in May.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 03/02/2020 16:10

I’m really confused about why you’re so upset about this. She’s not sending your kids 2 miles away. Why are you so wound up? Confused

FamilyOfAliens · 03/02/2020 16:10

I think you might be taking this a little too personally and are a little too invested though.

^ This

pauapaua · 03/02/2020 16:13

we're in Scotland so it's a bit different but the school is very much in demand and if you don't live in catchment, or have a sibling already in the school, you don't get a place

I thought (because I've read it on MN) that in Scotland you just got a place automatically at your local school? I must admit I did wonder how that worked when there were more children than places unless the classrooms have elastic walls and teacher making machines.

WorraLiberty · 03/02/2020 16:13

Juan that's very true Grin

Urkiddingright · 03/02/2020 16:15

Catchment area is irrelevant after reception but if it’s oversubscribed in that particular year, she won’t have a chance. The council allot whichever school has a space and usually refuse to budge when a class already has more than 32 pupils.

I know from personal experience of moving towns with older primary aged children. We have a school on the end of our street but every year is oversubscribed so they were given a place in a school 1.7 miles away.