To think a Primary school 2 miles away may as well be in another country ?!

[Chillicheese123]

Hello wise mumsnetters

Had a heated debate with a friend today over text. She is not on this site so I’m pretty confident posting on here, ha.

She is moving back to the UK from UAE with a Infant school aged child. Schools over there are very different, it seems that you pick which one you like, make sure you’re work will cover the fees or you can cover them yourself, and your child gets in.

She is moving back to the UK to a suburb of Manchester, she will be living half a mile from me. She can’t afford the suburb 2-3 miles over as the houses are extortionately priced IMO and she can’t afford the mortgage on a £700,000 semi detached ! Which is fair enough because neither can I.

The thing is she doesn’t want her kid to go to one of the 3 ‘Outstanding’ schools in the area she’s moving to. She has a few friends in the more desirable suburb and she is applying to the school which their kids go to. Apparently people living 0.3 miles from it can’t get their kids in, so no idea why she thinks she will be different ?!

I’ve told her she needs to change her expectations but she is insistent she wants her dc to go to this school, it has childcare attached and all these wonderful extra curricular things and parent nights out and trips and blah blah !!

My kids school is lovely and I’m really happy with it. I feel a bit offended and I don’t know why.

Also frustrated that she thinks her child will get in because they’re starting in Sept of yr 2. I don’t think it’s fair ?!

AIBU for thinking that a school two miles away from your house in a city setting is A pointless Task ?!

Just quietly sit back and let her find out for herself.

Hahaha knew it would be Chorlton. People are always bonkers about getting into those schools.

Mind you I know someone who went to Chorlton Park and everyone on her nursery group table now has a phd, including her, so maybe it's not totally bonkers.

Why are you so bothered ? If there is not a place she will not get in anyway!!

@Lojoh omg maybe there’s some sort of method to the madness then ?!

@DuLANGMondeFOREVER we have lots of friends within walking distance, we also have lots further afield so DC get to see a bit more of the general area in places we wouldn’t ordinarily go to.

@JosefKeller well there are other equally arbitrary ways to decide e.g. a waiting list or a random lottery. Alternatively the school could use a selective system to choose students that they think would most benefit from the school (e.g. schools with good musical facilities could offer places to musical children, schools with good sen provision to children with sen, schools with good sporting facilities to sporty kids etc, an extension of the rationale behind grammar schools). Anyway you pick isn’t particularly justifiable and they all have benefits and negative consequences. The point is that if you are used to a system you’re unlikely to see that it’s pretty random which is obviously why the OPs friend is behaving the way she is.

@MandMand I don’t think there is a good or bad way to do it. That’s kind of the point. People grow accustomed to the way they’ve done it and struggle to get their head around an alternative method. I can understand that state schools go by distance because that’s just the method they’ve decided to use but it’s not like it really makes sense that kid A should get a place at the ‘good’ school because they live 0.3145756 miles away while kid B misses out because they live 0.3145759 miles away.

@JuanSheetIsPlenty see above, the impassioned sense of entitlement is just as silly as if any other criteria were used.

Isn’t it Manhattan or NYC district schools that have a lottery system for their ‘best’ schools? I think they actually call them “lottery schools”. It’s random based on an allocates number. Think you have to be within certain geographical limits though.

Surely though the school isn't necessarily "good" all by itself, as if by magic? It's not just the quality of teaching. It's also to do with children's attitude towards authority figures, response to discipline, regular attendance etc. which can vary more in areas with increased social and financial issues and are parent-based before they are school-based.

Any school in general I meant, not a specific school.

No harm giving it a shot I suppose, you don't know if you don't try. I am, however, always quietly amused by people who think wanting a school more than someone else is one of the qualifying criteria!

see above, the impassioned sense of entitlement is just as silly as if any other criteria were used.

😂😂😂

Bonkers

It’s often much easier to get into a school in the later years as parents often choose not to disrupt their child if they have happily settled elsewhere or have ended up with more than one child at another school. I also don’t go much on Ofsted reports.

Maybe her child will get in, maybe not. However, I don’t think the distance is an issue in terms of education.

Meh, just leAve it her to it.

Is this about jealousy or logistics?

2 miles away ain't far to travel, even in a city situation, and I say that as a Bristolian (we have about the worst traffic outside of London (and maybe the UK!)

If she gets in, good on her. Don't see the fuss myself, not even over private schools.

Leave her to it. If her child gets in she wi be lucky. My kids didn't get into their catchment school nor the second closest school and we walk 2.2 miles to their primary school because there is needless to say no where to park remotely close to the school. I also hate catchment areas. My eldest is starting secondary school in September but the one the other end of our road isn't our catchment school and is always oversubscribed as it's a sought after school our catchment secondary school is 3-4 miles in the opposite direction.

My kids school is 3 miles away and there's a primary and secondary across the street

Have you posted this on parenting groups online.
I know the breastfeeding groups I'm in pot these sometimes.

However I don't know if that would manipulate your findings as they are mainly GP.

Ffs wrong thread.

OP your post is unreasonable for saying it wouldn’t be fair for her child to get a place. It would be fair if everyone else has not bothered to put their child back on the waiting list and there was a space available.
Otherwise, she sounds bonkers. All you can do is get ready to avoid her phone calls!

If it's the one I'm thinking it is then good luck to her 😂
She would need to drive and drop off/pick up is a nightmare. When my eldest was starting primary, I put this school as my 4th choice. I was in the catchment perimeter, not just area and was our closest school. I didn't really want it and people thought I was nuts.

Let her decide - who cares?!

OP, you sound a little over invested in your friend’s decision about her children tbh. Let her get on with it and focus on your own stuff. If your friend is successful, great as she got what she wants. She is the one who will live with that choice be it commuting, extra curriculum activities, parties, etc...

Not your business... Let her stress herself out x

I had a friend like this. Just send her a link to your local authority website for how it prioritises places at schools (and the school one, if relevant eg if it prioritises particular religion etc). Then you will have done all you can to give her the information available. Don't raise it after that. If she's out of catchment and it's a high demand school, she'll never get above about 15th on the wait list for entry in any year, as everyone that moves to area but lives closer will leapfrog her on the list.
There's just no telling some people though. Tories have sold some odd concept of 'choice' over schools, but in densely populated urban areas, how close you live to the school gate is the only metric that will get you a place (not withstanding children from care, SEN etc).
Focus on other topics of discussion with her from now on!

Why you so fussed? Get over it... if it works out for her or not!

You’re being unreasonable and jealous imo