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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a Primary school 2 miles away may as well be in another country ?!

151 replies

Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 15:31

Hello wise mumsnetters

Had a heated debate with a friend today over text. She is not on this site so I’m pretty confident posting on here, ha.

She is moving back to the UK from UAE with a Infant school aged child. Schools over there are very different, it seems that you pick which one you like, make sure you’re work will cover the fees or you can cover them yourself, and your child gets in.

She is moving back to the UK to a suburb of Manchester, she will be living half a mile from me. She can’t afford the suburb 2-3 miles over as the houses are extortionately priced IMO and she can’t afford the mortgage on a £700,000 semi detached ! Which is fair enough because neither can I.

The thing is she doesn’t want her kid to go to one of the 3 ‘Outstanding’ schools in the area she’s moving to. She has a few friends in the more desirable suburb and she is applying to the school which their kids go to. Apparently people living 0.3 miles from it can’t get their kids in, so no idea why she thinks she will be different ?!

I’ve told her she needs to change her expectations but she is insistent she wants her dc to go to this school, it has childcare attached and all these wonderful extra curricular things and parent nights out and trips and blah blah !!

My kids school is lovely and I’m really happy with it. I feel a bit offended and I don’t know why.

Also frustrated that she thinks her child will get in because they’re starting in Sept of yr 2. I don’t think it’s fair ?!

AIBU for thinking that a school two miles away from your house in a city setting is A pointless Task ?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 16:46

Haha I don’t know why I’m taking it personally, I really don’t usually give a shit about what people think about my life and my kids are loving school, I live but I think it’s because she’s a little bit of an ‘elevenerife’ person (you’ve been to Tenerife, she’s been to Elevenerife!) so I felt like I was getting unnecessarily defensive ?!
Thanks for your insights I will definitely stop giving a shit and taking so personally !! Haha maybe I’m hormonal !

OP posts:
keyboardwarrior1 · 03/02/2020 16:46

You are correct to say that she has misunderstood the system and is probably in for a disappointment.

But I can perfectly understand where she is coming from. Returning to UK from abroad is a nightmare. You do not know anybody so your DC will have no play dates. You have no back up when it comes to collecting children from school if you are sick or have to work late. If your DC are invited, it is by complete strangers and you are hesitant to allow them to go to people you do not know.

Perfectly natural then for her to want her DC to go to schools where she has friends among the parents.

Looneytune253 · 03/02/2020 16:47

She might actually have a chance if she's starting in yr 2. There may have been people left since reception so there may be spaces available

Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 16:47

@CoffeeRunner I know rurally you could be traveling up to like 5 miles for school for primary, that’s totally normal. I’ve worked in rural schools where kids have a 30 min bus and then a 30 min walk. But in a place where you have to be 0.2 miles form a school to get in, or even be able to see the playground from your house and not get in, it seems daft !

OP posts:
Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 16:48

@keyboardwarrior1 she knows me, and my kids ! We will be about a 15 min walk away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 16:51

@KittenVsBox entrance exams ?! I have Never heard of this at age 4!

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 03/02/2020 16:55

What?! What on earth is wrong with her choosing the school she wants for her child? If there's a place she may get it, as it's not the same as applying for a starting place in reception.

isitpossibleto · 03/02/2020 16:55

Let her get on with it YABU to allow this to be taking up your bandwidth

ChelseaGirly · 03/02/2020 16:58

If there happens to be a place at her preferred school, then she may get it if she's lucky. It wouldn't be my choice to be trekking across the city twice a day, but if it works for her because she's got friends there who might help with pick ups or some another reason, then good luck to her
More likely is that there won't be a space in the specific year group and that she will have to go wherever there are places.
It's out of both your hands and her hands. I wouldn't trouble yourself with wondering her reasons.

KittenVsBox · 03/02/2020 16:58

Very, very common in the Middle East.
All kids are assessed before entry at all the schools I'm aware of in the Gulf.

Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 16:59

@lazylinguist I just think she underestimated the pain in the arse-ness of having to drive 2 miles in the ridiculous traffic we have, it can take up to 30 mins to travel one way to the suburb the schools in in peak time and her kids friends will all be there too for parties etc. to be honest I really think she should do whatever the hell she wants, it just might make her life harder ‘

OP posts:
ddraigygoch · 03/02/2020 17:00

Also I'm not rural. I live in a busy town and pass around 3 or 4 schools to get to my children's.

Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 17:02

@ddraigygoch this is south Manchester though, it’s absolutely mental with school catchments and game playing to get in to certain schools etc. it’s just not possible to get into out of catchment schools here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 17:03

Someone mentioned chorlton how did you guess ?!

OP posts:
Snaga · 03/02/2020 17:03

I voted YABU just because it's not worth the headspace. You've told her that her understanding of the state school system here isn't the same as UAE.

She may get lucky and get a 'drop out' space, but then as someone else said upthread she'll have the ridiculous task of commuting during the busiest part of the day and attempting to park within reasonable distance of the school.

Some people cannot be given advice, sounds like your friend is one of them. Let her crack on with it.

ddraigygoch · 03/02/2020 17:04

@Chillicheese123 OK. So she'll find that out. Or she won't and she'll get in. Neither scenario affects you.

Original poster
Chillicheese123 · 03/02/2020 17:07

@ddraigygoch I know it doesn’t really affect me and I realize I’m BU but when I get a FaceTime of her going mad because she didn’t get her child in and he has to go to X primary school near where we live, and how awful it will be, I’ll have to remain very zen !

OP posts:
ArthurMorgan · 03/02/2020 17:08

My dds primary school is 2.7 miles away, I got really lucky with the application, I'm still in shock that she got in at all to be honest.

So yeah, it's not impossible that she can get lucky too but it's not all that likely. I'm a bit puzzled as to why you care so much though..

NarwhalsNarwhals · 03/02/2020 17:08

DD's school is 3.5 miles from my house, in an area where catchments are usually about 0.3 - 0.4 miles because they happened to have had a space come up, she wouldn't have got in there in reception as there were people living much closer who didn't but by the time we were looking there was no waiting list.

ArthurMorgan · 03/02/2020 17:09

Cross posted...

I told you so could be an appropriate answer Wink

Wtfdoipick · 03/02/2020 17:10

Mine attends an oversubscribed outstanding school. In year 2 you'd probably get a place. Parents have settled on other schools by this point and you do get some movement out of the school. By year 2 there just isn't a waiting list any more.

MintyMabel · 03/02/2020 17:10

in Scotland, they definitely don't have elastic walls.

No but they do have a system of forward planning which means local authorities generally have enough space for children in the catchment. It can happen that a school is full but it isn’t at all common. Our LA have predicted school rolls 5 years in advance and expand where necessary. There are a handful of schools you will never place in to as they are over subscribed but most have enough space for placing requests.

Soubriquet · 03/02/2020 17:13

Let her crack on

She will soon have to face reality

I’ve recently had to move my dc into a new school.

My yr 2 dd only got in because there was room for reception for ds

Reginabambina · 03/02/2020 17:18

Quite frankly I think it’s a bit odd that people think that they should get first dibs on a school because they live next to it. Mind you we’ve always used the private sector so it’s usually a case of either basis panning ahead (at you get year levels at least) or merit. I guess you are used to what you know.

LIZS · 03/02/2020 17:21

She won't be offered a place just because she wants it. Maybe there will be a space and no waiting list when she applies, maybe not. Your cries of " I don’t think it’s fair ?!" sound like sour grapes though! Maybe you should just take a step back and wait.

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