To think a Primary school 2 miles away may as well be in another country ?!

[Chillicheese123]

Hello wise mumsnetters

Had a heated debate with a friend today over text. She is not on this site so I’m pretty confident posting on here, ha.

She is moving back to the UK from UAE with a Infant school aged child. Schools over there are very different, it seems that you pick which one you like, make sure you’re work will cover the fees or you can cover them yourself, and your child gets in.

She is moving back to the UK to a suburb of Manchester, she will be living half a mile from me. She can’t afford the suburb 2-3 miles over as the houses are extortionately priced IMO and she can’t afford the mortgage on a £700,000 semi detached ! Which is fair enough because neither can I.

The thing is she doesn’t want her kid to go to one of the 3 ‘Outstanding’ schools in the area she’s moving to. She has a few friends in the more desirable suburb and she is applying to the school which their kids go to. Apparently people living 0.3 miles from it can’t get their kids in, so no idea why she thinks she will be different ?!

I’ve told her she needs to change her expectations but she is insistent she wants her dc to go to this school, it has childcare attached and all these wonderful extra curricular things and parent nights out and trips and blah blah !!

My kids school is lovely and I’m really happy with it. I feel a bit offended and I don’t know why.

Also frustrated that she thinks her child will get in because they’re starting in Sept of yr 2. I don’t think it’s fair ?!

AIBU for thinking that a school two miles away from your house in a city setting is A pointless Task ?!

You can apply for any school regardless of area, many attend schools outside of the borough they live in and 2 miles in the maximum acceptable walking distance for under 8s, 3 miles over that age so not a pointless task at all.
If that school has a place at the time she applies, she is entitled to it regardless of where they live.

Chill out. Her preferences may be different to yours and that is fine. You sound like you really want her to say you’re right and follow your advice. Maybe get over that.

She might get in. Year 2 has a lot of people leaving and joining at our school.

Each to their own tbh! She has as much right as anyone else to chance their arm, she also has as much right as anyone else to be told where to stick it!

I'm in south Manchester, with a son to start reception class in September. We moved house in January (on very short notice as I was leaving my abusive marriage) and got a very cranky letter from the school admissions team just after the deadline because our address changed so late - the fact that I was moving to Didsbury probably didn't help. I had to supply a copy of my council tax bill and a utility bill to prove that we were actually living in the apartment we have moved to.

Her kids, her business.

Although, when we moved to a new area (over 100 mile from where we lived) we chose a school three miles away from our new home as it seemed the best in the area. Because we were new to the area, and the school had places available, they HAD to accept my application for places for my kids.

There’s no issue with her trying. My local school is impossible to get into at reception if you’re not close by but there are a few places that come up in year 3 as the ‘state until 8’ thing is quite common. I was really surprised at how many parents with older children were at the open days aimed at new entry reception parents.

I'd try not to get irked. Everyone wants the best for their children.

It sounds like shes unlikely to get in but maybe just be supportive and say something along the lines of. That would be amazing if your child gets in to 'x' school. It's very limited so just in case have you made sure to apply to a backup local option?

Like pp say she will likely find out the hard way... .or you never know maybe she will be lucky and theres a space in yr 2

Suggest she phones them to ask about the waiting list for that year so that she knows whether it's worth applying.

I lived in UAE and worked in the school's out there.
And I'm sorry OP but when deciding on schools to send my child to (starts reception in Sept) I have looked at every school in the area all 'outstanding' and hated them. I have settled on a school which my husband went to, but only because we don't have many options. The school that we have applied for is out of our catchment.
All these school are great schools and before moving to UAE I wouldn't have had a second thought, but schools there out of this world.

Well apparently the plan as of last night is that I and her other local friend will be involved in taking her now 16 month old to school if they don’t get into the same school as their sibling and have to go to the local one for reception. She will then have them on a waiting list and they will move after a few weeks to the hallowed chorlton primary school.

Her older child, however, will be coming back locally for Grammar school for secondary. Apparently

I know it’s her kids her rules but who can be bothered with the faff?!

Why are you agreeing to take her child to school? And from Trafford to chorlton it's an 11 minute drive at this time of day so she can just take them both herself

@2020Pleasebringhealth it’s a bit like comparing apples and pears though isn’t it. the schools in UAE are good because they’re more selective and have basically unlimited money?

Primary schools in this country have teachers asking for donations of books for their classrooms and teachers buying coloring pencils and stickers with their own money because there’s no budget.

If you want a school that’s comparable you need to look at sending your child to somewhere like Terra Nova in Cheshire )got a friend with child there it’s really good) or something like that.

Your relationship with this woman is strange. Not friendship.

We live one mile away. Who knew that this was an issue?! There are loads of children at ours who live further away than us. I thought we lived close to school.

And yes if does sound like a convoluted plan but leave her to it as long as it doesn’t impose on you too much. School years are important and it might be that she wants a bit more faff to get an outcome she’s happy with.

@Cookit, you're missing the point. In many areas, of which Chorlton is one, if you live a mile away from the school in question you stand no chance of getting in.

You do seem over-invested in this, OP. Everyone makes choices for their children that they feel are right for each child, and different people have different tolerances for journey times and logistical juggling. If you don't want to take her child to your local school then just say unfortunately you can't help.

@JuanSheetIsPlenty I mean I don’t disagree I can see why it comes across that I don’t like her and I do I just am struggling a bit with it. She is moving back and she isn’t happy about it but her dh’s job is no longer viable and they have to leave as all their costs are covered by his work. She is having to come back to an area she thought she wouldn’t have to live in again, to the rain and grey skies, and her husband earning less than they’re used to, she may even have to get a job herself which isn’t a hardship but when you’ve been a SAHM for 7 years isn’t easy and a big shock to the system so I’ve been helping her out a lot going to estate agents with forms, even looking round a house for her, suggesting school and childcare ideas and what clubs her dc might like and being a listening ear.
Unfortunately she also has these quite wealthy friends in the ‘other’ area who I don’t know that we’ll but who I suspect she is going to try to ‘keep up with’ when she’s back over here because she idolizes them a bit, they’re 10+ years older than us (we are early thirties with small kids, they’re early 40s) so I can see all the psychology behind it and I want to shake her and say you’ll be happier if you just chill and accept your situation but I think I’ll just take a step back.

I get it OP. It's irritating when people are like this because the undertone is that they think are better than you. It's rude.

In my opinion it's nothing to do with funding, or thinking that you're better than anyone.
My issue with schools over here as apposed to UAE is the amount of children in one class.
The teachers in the UAE are all British, American or Australian so it's not at all about the level of teaching! It's all about numbers!
For example if your child was struggling in a school in UAE you know damn well they would get the care they need. But if your child is struggling here there isn't enough resources or even teachers to help. I have seen it happen. Too many children in a class room and children simply get over looked

Ok it's pretty clear what's happened, you're offended because you feel as though she's looking down on the area you live in (that she will also be living in) and the school your children go to, and it irks you that she is making it seem like she's "better" than that. This may not go down too well and this is said in no way to offend, but have you accepted that you're in fact a little jealous and that's why you're so annoyed at her attempting to get into the school in the "better" area? You're scared in case she does actually get her child into that school, as secretly, you'd quite like your child to go to that school, and you'd quite like to live in that more expensive area too. So you feel a bit like "well how comes you can do it when I can't"....

I've had feelings like this before, it's totally normal. But don't become bitter and end up disliking your friend over something as meaningless as this. You say you're happy where you are and the school your children go to, let it stay that way and let her do her own thing. At the end of the day, it really doesn't affect you!

2020 are the schools to which you refer, where there are more resources and less children per class etc, state or private fee paying?

YABU for the simple fact that you are not respecting her boundaries.

It doesn't matter how unrealistic her expectations are, you've clearly outlined this, now let it go.

You're offended because you feel she views your choices as inferior (maybe she does, maybe she's only thinking of her own expectations) and this irritates you.

My advice: let her get on with it. She will either get her way or not but it's not worth getting worked up about or losing your friend over. Move on.

@SwansGlide there's no such thing as a state school in UAE they are all private.

If it's such a great school, I'm surprised in year places become available people wont leave if it is that good.

2020 Ah. But you are comparing private schools with state schools then, of course they are different.

Private schools in the UK have much smaller class numbers, and superior resources and facilities simply because the expensive fees pay for it all, just as in the schools you describe.

@SwansGlide I totally agree, there is no comparison, but in the UAE you don't exactly pay for schooling yourself, your employer does. Which obviously does not happen in the UK, could you just imagine.
What I'm getting at is I understand where OPs friend is coming from with not being totally satisfied with uk schools. Really there is nothing at all wrong with them, it's just very different and needs getting used too.
I have always said when we lived in UAE we needed to come home for a reality check!