To ask for a handhold? Heading for a mental breakdown depending on tomorrow

[WhyThisLife]

Probably not the right section for this but with the traffic AIBU gets, here I am!

I'd like to ask for a handhold, some group support, a chat etc... As I prepare for my hospital appointment tomorrow.

I have been struggling with fertility issues for a while now and I am currently pregnant. Tomorrow is the scan where I find out if this is viable or not (I've had quite a few previously where I've been told they aren't and had to have D&C's or surgery etc...).

It's all taking its toll now and it's taking all my strength to go in that room willingly tomorrow and not being dragged kicking and screaming. I hate being there, I hate watching people coming out before me all happy and going over to the machine to pay for their scan photos, I hate the look on the nurses faces as soon as they can see on the screen and their 'im very sorry' voices when they tell me again, I hate being walked out and put in the 'quiet room' and seeing everyone's sympathetic faces in the waiting room because they know why.

I am seriously concerned about how I will be tomorrow if it's the same news. I am so so so fed up. I feel like I'm heading for some sort of breakdown but I can't bring myself to give up either.

I don't want to worry DH too much (although he does know how I'm feeling), so can I trouble you all for some support/conversation please? I feel so jittery and restless waiting for tomorrow.

Thinking of you and hoping for the best outcome. Albeit a very long time ago, I have been through similar.

Good luck, holding your hand here!

Another handhold OP

Another hand hold here, and I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, and keeping everything crossed x

I really hope tomorrow goes well OP. Fingers and toes crossed for you. Is it a morning or afternoon appointment? I do think waiting is the worst part as it gets built up and up and you go into a fight or flight mode.
Nurses won't dread seeing you either, theyll be full of empathy and hoping that this is your time.
We're all rooting for you OP. Handhold all the way no matter what the result.

I can't tell you how much I admire you for having the strength to keep going after so many awful heartbreaks, I know it's a cliché but there really are no words that are sufficient

The nurses/midwives/sonographers will be crossing everything for you with your history I promise you, we feel this hard and are totally on your side.

I really hope you get the best news tomorrow and I'm sure everyone who reads this will feel the same - you have an army behind you

Wow thanks, I've just looked at my phone and seen all your messages. Thank you so much

My appointment is at 11am so at least it's over and done with in the morning

I'm praying for you, I've been where you are a few times post-IVF and it's fucking awful. I really, really hope this is the one for you, and will be your beautiful rainbow baby. Please know that you're not alone, and it's perfectly ok to feel however you feel.

Best wishes for good news tomorrow.
I’m sure the nurses are hopeful for you.

Best of luck tomorrow @WhyThisLife

Recurrent miscarriage is awful (i've had 5 and we were under the RMC). It takes so much - emotionally as well as physically - to keep going after endless disappointments. I hope this is your time.

I can't believe they send you to the main ultrasound department though. Is there an Early Pregnancy Unit at your hospital? Could they not see you there?

Crunchy, they've sent me to the EPU for follow up scans before when they couldn't be sure at the first one but my initial scan is always at the ultrasound department.

It's probably massively outing but hey ho, the hospital I'm under is Manchester Royal Infirmary so yes they definitely have an EPU but I rarely get sent there unless for follow ups unfortunately.

As a nurse, I can guarantee the ones you encounter will all be so hopeful for you as are all of us who are right behind you with that handhold. The very best of luck for tomorrow x

I went in bright eyed and bushy tailed and well remember the quiet room.

Everything crossed for you at 11.

Any yes vitamin D!

Okay I'm going to grab some vitamin D tomorrow whatever happens!

Thinking of you tomorrow.

OP, wishing you every bit of luck for tomorrow. It sounds like they’re getting to the bottom of what’s going on, so I’m sure you’ll get that baby - you might already have it!

I’ve been where you are twice and it’s brutal. It’s even worse because society on the whole doesn’t see early losses as a big deal, when a tutor you you are losing a whole new person with a future you can already imagine. It can feel very isolating in day to day life. Please know you’re not alone.

Work and nurses will be wanting the best for you - no need to apologise! My HR lady was lovely when I had to give reasons for absences and was so pleased for me when the baby came good.

Yes to the poster who says it's not massively understood by some people, the emotional toll it can take. I've had all sorts of comments, a few examples for you:

Why don't you get a dog?
Well you'll have to say enough is enough eventually
At least you don't have to deal with [insert seemingly annoying aspect of parenting]
My all time favourite...
There's people out there losing actual children.

Bless you OP. Big hand-hold from me. I’ve been there, not to the same extent, and it’s horrible. Everything crossed for tomorrow for you

Oh love, wishing you all the luck in the world

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow OP, I really hope you have a happy result x

And yes, I swear by the Zita West vit D oral spray (still take it now) and high dose folate (not folic acid). Also get your partner doing some basic steps (reduce booze and caffeine, take a fertility vitamin), if he’s not already. Nearly 50% of miscarriages are down to defects in the sperm - it’s not all in you to ‘fix’ things!

Just want to send a handhold, and 🤞

Handheld and flowers OP! I hope this baby surprises you

Wishing you all the luck in the world. I've been where you are, keeping everything crossed for you