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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a handhold? Heading for a mental breakdown depending on tomorrow

491 replies

WhyThisLife · 02/02/2020 16:01

Probably not the right section for this but with the traffic AIBU gets, here I am!

I'd like to ask for a handhold, some group support, a chat etc... As I prepare for my hospital appointment tomorrow.

I have been struggling with fertility issues for a while now and I am currently pregnant. Tomorrow is the scan where I find out if this is viable or not (I've had quite a few previously where I've been told they aren't and had to have D&C's or surgery etc...).

It's all taking its toll now and it's taking all my strength to go in that room willingly tomorrow and not being dragged kicking and screaming. I hate being there, I hate watching people coming out before me all happy and going over to the machine to pay for their scan photos, I hate the look on the nurses faces as soon as they can see on the screen and their 'im very sorry' voices when they tell me again, I hate being walked out and put in the 'quiet room' and seeing everyone's sympathetic faces in the waiting room because they know why.

I am seriously concerned about how I will be tomorrow if it's the same news. I am so so so fed up. I feel like I'm heading for some sort of breakdown but I can't bring myself to give up either.

I don't want to worry DH too much (although he does know how I'm feeling), so can I trouble you all for some support/conversation please? I feel so jittery and restless waiting for tomorrow.

OP posts:

TheMustressMhor · 02/02/2020 16:36

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, OP.

I have been in your situation and I understand how desperate you're feeling.

I do hope you get good news.

Bluetrews25 · 02/02/2020 16:37

Oh WhyThisLife - there are no words. Big hug to you.
So there is a 63% chance that this will be ok tomorrow? Fingers crossed for you and MrWhyThisLife.

izzyb6488 · 02/02/2020 16:37

All the best for tomorrow. Try to remain hopeful and look for the positives that you are further along this time and recent research with progesterone indicates some good results.

ToriaPumpkin · 02/02/2020 16:40

Oh love, a big handhold from me. A friend of mine had at least four losses before her little girl, most early but one a MMC discovered at 13 weeks at her dating scan. My mum had several as well, all unexplained, most retained. It's a horrid, horrid thing.

I hope you get a miracle and good news tomorrow.

Original poster

WhyThisLife · 02/02/2020 16:41

So there is a 63% chance that this will be ok tomorrow?

That's apparently the case yes but if tomorrow is not good news, it'll be about number 8 so I just don't think they have those percentages right. Not in my case anyway.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/02/2020 16:41

So sorry, I don't know where I thought I saw the IVF part, my mis-reading!
I actually had low (below normal range) vit D on testing so was put on 10,000 IU per week - which I think helped me to have DS2 - but 1000IU per day would be good. I think pregnancy vits might only have 400 IU per day, depending on which brand so definitely worth checking.

I was on progesterone pessaries too, to help support the pregnancies, but they didn't help with the MCs, plus I seemed to be quite "efficient" at clearing everything out, so I don't know whether the progesterone is the problem for you - everyone is different though so it could be.

Maighdeann · 02/02/2020 16:42

Hand hold from me OP. Thinking of you xx

Original poster

WhyThisLife · 02/02/2020 16:43

Thanks thumb. It could just be coincidental timing with the progesterone but I've not had a natural MC since I started them. But then my Dr is telling me it's not because of them so I guess I have no choice but to believe them.

OP posts:

Supertrooper98 · 02/02/2020 16:44

I really wish you the best tomorrow OP.

Paranoid26 · 02/02/2020 16:46

@WhyThisLife I didn't want to read and run. Hand hold for what you are going through (not going to say I'm sorry because I think you're sick of people saying that)

Have seen what you have written about the nurses dreading seeing you in the waiting room and I just have to say, from a nurse, they will not at all. Nurses share in the sadness and joys of our patients and just want the best for them. We came into this profession to soothe and care. I hope tomorrow goes okay, will be thinking of you. X

CallofDoodee · 02/02/2020 16:47

Handhold for you - will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/02/2020 16:48

I'm thinking of you @WhyThisLife. I'm keeping everything crossed for you that it is a viable pregnancy and that you are rejoicing this time tomorrow! I also understand your fears for your mental health should it not be OK. But I think it is normal after so many losses that you should feel distraught to the extent of breakdown. It's terrible to lose a child at whatever stage of pregnancy/life. Good luck and many handholds.

nomoreever · 02/02/2020 16:51

I'll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow. 🤞🏻

Original poster

WhyThisLife · 02/02/2020 16:52

Thanks. I keep changing between wanting to just throw myself into something and really get stuck into something new and just wanting to not do anything and just fester.

I'm losing all motivation with work. I just can't handle being there and having to function but I need the wage so I have no choice.

OP posts:

Elderflower14 · 02/02/2020 16:56

Will be thinking of you and sending a prayer tomorrow...

singleedition · 02/02/2020 17:00

Will be thinking of you tomorrow 🤞🏻Hoping for good news for you x

MrsSilverVWGolf · 02/02/2020 17:00

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’ll have everything crossed for you tomorrow

Brenna24 · 02/02/2020 17:02

You are in my thoughts for tomorrow. The nurses won't be dreading seeing you. They will be desperately hoping that today is the day that they get to give you good news. I had all of my scans in the epu and the midwife who I saw every time there was brilliant. She remembered what I did for a job and lots of other things about me and every time was so desperate for this to be the one for us. We got there in the end and I am so grateful for her help along the way.

Mum4MrA · 02/02/2020 17:04

Thinking of you and a handhold for tomorrow.💐

LolaLollypop · 02/02/2020 17:04

Keeping everything crossed for you OP

BarbedBloom · 02/02/2020 17:08

I will be thinking of you tomorrow

RosiePoseyPanda · 02/02/2020 17:09

Thinking of you and keeping everything crossed. I had 1 DS then 3 missed miscarriages before having DS2. I remember the dread of the scan room, the sympathetic faces, the people in the waiting room avoiding looking at you because you’re crying. It’s just shit.

Are you under a recurrent miscarriage clinic? I’m guessing you must have had some tests but have you been referred to one of the Tommy’s research centres? Good luck tomorrow.

heyjude12 · 02/02/2020 17:11

**"Is that it's always the same few nurses. I feel so fucking embarrassed being there again. They probably dread seeing me in the waiting room."
I promise as a nurse they wont dread seeing you and just like all of us her will be rooting for you xx

FizzyGreenWater · 02/02/2020 17:12

OP I will be thinking of you and very much hoping you get good news.

Hang in there

VenusStarr · 02/02/2020 17:12

Sending lots of love @WhyThisLife you are in my thoughts. Hoping you get positive news tomorrow xx ❤️

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