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AIBU?

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Original poster

Withdrawing the offer of a loan

325 replies

ChrissieKeller61 · 02/02/2020 09:04

So very good friend, we’ve lent each other a grand or so over the years both always paid back on time. Complete trust.
She needs £7000 to get out of £28,000 of debt on an Iva.
Currently working full time with kids her life is difficult tbh.
We discussed this, I have about £5,000 I was prepared to lend her which I’ve worked hard for and £2,000 of that is my overdraft, she will cover the charges for when paying me back. Not as though this money is just lying around though.
I want to withdraw the offer and this is why. She’s still spending. This weekend it was another £500 on home improvements. Sensible in theory. But why am I going without and living frugally to help her out when she’s not helping herself.

OP posts:
Nottobesniffedat · 02/02/2020 09:18

If you're going to withdraw the offer tell her sooner rather than later. She might be buying these other things thinking she will be ok for the money soon.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 02/02/2020 09:19

No it’s to settle the IVA so she pays back £7000 rather than £28,000
I think she’s started paying the IVA last month so the plan was she would squirrel away £300 a month to save the other £2,000 and I’d lend her the £5000.
This month, the first month she bought this new appliance.

OP posts:
pelirocco123 · 02/02/2020 09:20

What exactly does she need the money for .Is it to do full and final settlements ?
How is she going to pay you back, as she obviously cannot pay her debts at the moment.....only every lend money to people if you are happy never to see a penny of it back

PleaseStopCallingMe · 02/02/2020 09:20

Jesus don't even consider giving her that money.

There's a reason she's in that much debt - and it's because she can't handle her spending; what on Earth makes she think she's going to prioritise paying off a casual loan with an understanding friend?

maddiemookins16mum · 02/02/2020 09:20

DON’T DO IT. If she has huge debts get her to speak with a debt charity.

MRex · 02/02/2020 09:21

@ChrissieKeller61 - that just isn't how an IVA works, if she inherited or won extra money it still goes towards her debts under the IVA. She's lying to you or she doesn't understand it herself, I suspect it's the former.

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 02/02/2020 09:22

She could/can service the debts but she would never have paid them back.
Every penny spent was on home improvements for this absolute money pit her and her partner bought. So not like she had holidays or plastic surgery and if she didn’t pay it back I could put a charge on the house, but that’s all by the by isn’t it

OP posts:
Hahaha88 · 02/02/2020 09:22

Why on earth would you go into debt yourself to help her get out of it???

MimiLaRue · 02/02/2020 09:22

This month, the first month she bought this new appliance

She's still buying stuff whilst expecting you to go into your overdraft to pay for her debts? why didnt she save the money she spent here and take it off what she's expecting you to pay her? oh thats right- because she's a crap friend. This person isnt your friend. I love and care for my friends, I would NOT expect them to go into overdrafts to bail me out when ive been overspending

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 02/02/2020 09:22

The plan was to say she had sold something to me @MRex

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 02/02/2020 09:23

You cannot afford to lend her this money, surely you can see that? It will leave you with no savings of your own, and with debt. What happens if you lose your job? Your boiler breaks? Your washing machine breaks? Your car needs expensive repairs?

Todaythiscouldbe · 02/02/2020 09:23

If she is in an IVA and has £300 a month to 'squirrel away' she has lied to the insolvency company about her finances. DH had an IVA, we were allowed £45 a month 'emergency money' between us. It was extremely restrictive and even overtime had to be declared and a large proportion paid to the IVA. A full and final settlement would have to be agreed by all if the creditors, after one month that's very unlikely.

pelirocco123 · 02/02/2020 09:25

The only way as far as i am aware that you can settle an IVA by paying a lump sum is to get your creditors to agree to a full and final payment .If you want to give her tjis money you need her to show you the details of the IVA and proof that what she says is true

StrongTea · 02/02/2020 09:25

What happens if you have a financial emergency? Only sensible to keep your money safe. Such a large amount to loan to someone.

YappityYapYap · 02/02/2020 09:25

Don't give her the money OP. She's in an IVA so has issues with controlling her spending and/or wracking up debt. You will also be charged 40% interest on your overdraft at least from April this year.

If she's managing to hide £300 a month from the company doing her IVA as well, she is breaking it and this isn't good.

She should be honest with them and enter into one on the understanding that she puts all her disposable income towards it for a set amount of time and in turn she is relieved from it and some of the debt is written off

DanielRicciardosSmile · 02/02/2020 09:25

Come March when all the banks put their overdraft interest rate up to 39.9% that £2000 overdraft is going to cost you £66.50 in interest every month.

Bezalelle · 02/02/2020 09:26

SEVEN GRAND! That is madness, especially because it will put you into debt.

MimiLaRue · 02/02/2020 09:26

if she didn’t pay it back I could put a charge on the house

Putting a charge on someones property without their consent isnt as easy as you think- you'd have to take it to the courts if she refused to allow it. You do realise this would be a long, expensive process dont you? you cannot just whack a charge on a persons house just like that, thats not legal

Original poster
ChrissieKeller61 · 02/02/2020 09:28

I realise there’s a process @MimiLaRue

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 02/02/2020 09:29

It would be utterly, utterly batshit to go into your overdraft to lend someone else money. Batshit.

AriadnesFilament · 02/02/2020 09:29

The more I read from your updates the more the whole thing with your friend is absolutely SCREAMING do not give her ANY money.

She will absolutely, 100% shit on you.

She got herself in this mess, she can get herself out of it. Why is it your job to get in debt to get her of her debt? She is utterly useless with money - do not give her yours.

billy1966 · 02/02/2020 09:30

OP, you can't afford to do this.

Your giving her your emergency money.

Very silly.
Very unwise.

And going into your overdraft is a ridiculous idea.

Be prepared to never see the money again.

Be prepared for this to be stressful as you try and pay off an overdraft you haven't spent.

Ridiculous.

polkadotpj · 02/02/2020 09:30

Absolutely not She should not be able to squirrel £300 away

daisychain01 · 02/02/2020 09:31

Don't get embroiled in someone else's financial mess.

End of. You don't have any reason to explain or justify yourself. Learn to say no. And mean it.

Your friend will either respect you for it or never speak to you again. That's her decision.

MimiLaRue · 02/02/2020 09:32

Well, it will be obvious when you withdraw the offer if this friend is really your friend in "complete trust" won't it? if you withdraw outlining your concerns and she says "I completely understand" then she cares about you. If she throws a strop and starts getting angry you have your answer - she doesnt care about you as much as you think she does.