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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His sexting leaves me cold?

109 replies

ExtraFox18 · 01/02/2020 07:26

So much water under the bridge. Children with special needs, lots of hurt and upset and ongoing distress for me at seeing my children suffer our separation and yet if I show any signs of this sadness I get:

How’s your 🍑?
Wanna cum?
I’m so hard.

This just leaves me dead eyed. I need so much more. Is this a turn on for most 40 + women? Am I just a boring prude or is hoping for something more loving,’less mechanical just stupidity. He’s heading for 50.

OP posts:
NotLangNow · 01/02/2020 07:28

This is from your ex? (I make an assumption as you mention your separation)

Dear God. Block him. That's revolting. What a manipulative creep. Guess you left him for a reason.

MockingJay27 · 01/02/2020 07:29

YANBU at all, your partner should be supporting you emotionally. Is this person the father of your children or a new partner ?

Mummadeeze · 01/02/2020 07:29

Is this your ex texting you this? Are you still separated? Bit confused. I wouldn’t like texts like this from anyone, whether I was into them or not personally. Not sure I am a prude but they are too crude for my taste.

Hotwaterbottlelove · 01/02/2020 07:30

Eeewwww. I'm in my 30s and that would be a massive turn off for me.

Is this your ex? Why is he sending you anything sexual?

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 01/02/2020 07:34

Sounds like he is about 14. Massive turn off. Tell him to stop

Heismyopendoor · 01/02/2020 07:37

Who is sending you that?

cochineal7 · 01/02/2020 07:37

If it’s your ex it’s downright inappropriate and a bit creepy. If it’s from a new man you otherwise care about and who is otherwise loving and kind, talk to him - he clearly thinks you like it. If it’s new man and this sums up the relationship, it is probably time to walk away. Your feelings on this are yours and totally valid either way.

SalmonFajitas · 01/02/2020 07:39

I'm a bit confused but you've separated from this man and he's randomly texting you with this juvenile sexual crap? Of course you're not loving it. I'd just tell him that no one is interested in receiving those messages and you only want factual messages related to the kids.

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 01/02/2020 07:49

It’s my husband I’m divorcing. He is otherwise an intelligent , funny man who my children love and because they love him and because of his better qualities I have at times expressed regret and not been steadfast and he has known I am very distressed about things. It’s at these points I get these texts. I put up with this for years in terms of his limited sexual mode of expression because I’ve really never had anything better in my life but it makes me feel so sad now when I need so much more from him and if he could give me more, I could try to resolve things for my children but I can’t do anything with THIS.

OP posts:
Snowman123 · 01/02/2020 07:55

It sounds like he isn't ready for the relationship to be over.

As someone suggested above, tell him your not interested in his sexual needs and only want texts in relation to the children and anything else important.

Heismyopendoor · 01/02/2020 07:59

What does he say when you tell him to stop sending messages like that? Have you told him if he continues you will block his number? Contact the police? What has he said to that?

Betteb · 01/02/2020 08:01

That is revolting. Have you ever txt back saying something like"this does nothing for me and if you had ever bothered to realise that, we may not be where we are now!"?

Allshookup4 · 01/02/2020 08:02

He sounds like a child. Tell him you are saving every message for the divorce papers!

SmileEachDay · 01/02/2020 08:07

Hang on - so you’re mid divorce and have sometimes “not been steadfast”? Do you mean you’ve had sexual contact with him? And that’s when he sends these texts?

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 01/02/2020 08:12

No I had sex with him once a long time ago and have rebuffed him every time since . I would not call the police for this. I just don’t know what to feel about it. Or what to do. If I reject him he starts acting in a very cold way that I find hard when I need to talk to him about the children or he’ll start going on about finalising the divorce but then never do anything. I literally think this is the only way he knows how to approach sex.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 01/02/2020 08:15

I just don’t know what to feel about it. Or what to do. If I reject him he starts acting in a very cold way that I find hard when I need to talk to him about the children or he’ll start going on about finalising the divorce but then never do anything

Do you want to get divorced?

yeraballoon · 01/02/2020 08:16

Does he actually realise you're not together anymore?
This seems really bizarre and I'd point that out to him.
He shouldn't be 'approaching sex' with you at all.
Get the divorce finalised. Who cares if he's cold as long as he's not abusing, pays CM and sees his children.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/02/2020 08:18

My advice is you find yourself a good relationship counsellor or at least read online about en who are bullies and controlling. And how to cope with them.

He's pressing your buttons and not in a good way.

If you have known nothing better (no other relationships?) you have a skewed idea of what is normal and loving.

When you get these texts, reply that you do not wish to receive them, you want him to stop, and if necessary you will ask your solicitor for legal means to stop this harassment.

Start taking control of your life and put him in his place.

TacoLover · 01/02/2020 08:18

If you are divorcing him then stop expressing sadness/regret about it to him. It will just muddy things and slow down the process of divorce. He is on the way to becoming your ex.

AvocadoAdvocate · 01/02/2020 08:21

The person you are divorcing is not usually the person you turn to for emtional support when going through a divorce. You don't want to divorce, you want him to change - he'll never change.

Original poster
ExtraFox18 · 01/02/2020 08:22

I think I’m reply: please don’t send me these texts, they do nothing for me and nothing good for you.

OP posts:
BelfastNonBlonde · 01/02/2020 08:24

Is it a turn on for anyone under 40..?!

Gross. Tell him to grow up. It’s no wonder you’re divorcing.

JinglingHellsBells · 01/02/2020 08:28

His behaviour is totally inappropriate. Why does he think you want sexting if you are upset over stuff? He's not actually intelligent- he's being very very thick.
Do not confide about your sadness to him. Talk to friends, talk to Mumsnet people.

MrsSmith1642 · 01/02/2020 08:29

He sounds like he does not want the relationship to end and is flapping about trying to find a way to make it better...obviously he has aimed in the wrong place 🤦🏽‍♀️ But he doesn’t know 🤷🏽‍♀️ Then when you rebuff he is hurt and when men are hurt they don’t know how to act then either so that’s when he starts the chat about divorce. I think you need to take some time completely apart! So no sex, no flirting and when u need emotional support don’t go to him, try a friend or family. About the texts ...not everyone’s cup of tea but I can see how he might think they would spice things up, you did say he hasn’t the best record of having confidence/savvy to initiate sex, sounds like he is trying something new.

TheStuffedPenguin · 01/02/2020 08:29

Why is your divorce not finalised?

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