AIBU to wish I hadn’t taken away Friday night from dd5?

[MeAndHimAndHer]

DD, 5, is usually fairly well behaved and compliant. For the past three days she has been horrible: really cheeky, rude, demanding, whiny. She’s been acting as though she’s really tired and hungry when she’s neither!
This morning she refused every step of getting ready for school, to the point of full on tantrumming. In the midst of all this, when she had calmed after an outburst over teeth cleaning, I told her that any more of that behaviour this morning and Friday night would be cancelled.
She looks forward all week to staying up late, playing board games, having a treaty late tea.
Anyway there was more shitty behaviour, lots of it, and I said more than once, that she would be having an early night tonight with none of the above.
Now it’s nearly time to collect her and 1. I feel guilty that she’s made it to the end of a difficult week with no Friday joy and 2. My evening is going to be horrendous as she will be so upset and her behaviour will no doubt continue the same as no reason not to, so bedtime will likely start early and take hours with more screaming and tantrums.
I have to carry through though, don’t I?

You can usually tell from a student's behaviour and personality if they are treated with kindness and respect by the adults in their lives.
You are the adult, try to be compassionate and loving.

Maybe it's working for them and their kids aren't "twats"?

Exactly. My child with ADHD gets immediate natural consequences and the chance to 'make it right' and her behaviour has steadily improved for years. Her two friends with ADHD started better but are now worse with 'punishing' parents.

Agree with @mrsmuddlepies, also a teacher..
Be kind, she needs it right now.

jeez... what 5 year old needs "punishment"? life is hard enough for littlies nowadays without being punished for what is probably explainable behaviour.

most she needs is a consequence... which could involve a good chat and possibly an apology. hope the op and her daughter managed to salvage the Friday night and are busy having fun together.

As the parent of a 20 year old and 17 year old I say you have no hope if you renege on a threat. It's hard to stay firm but in future don't threaten what you cannot carry through. Simple and effective advice I was given early on. It didn't mean life with teenagers was a walk in the park but it did seem like I had it easier than a friend who used to threaten all sorts (little and large) and carry through nothing so you could see her child rolling their eyes as she threatened!

I'm not sure if I agree with planning so far ahead at that age.
In the future would it not be more age appropriate to challenge behaviour and carry out discipline right at the time of bad behaviour rather than "wait to you get home!"

I would stick to it but that doesn't mean she has to have a crap evening. I.e nice evening together still - bubble bath, small film, book before bed etc. but less of a treat dinner and no late night. That way you've followed through but still had a nice evening. Obviously have a little but calm chat about it as well followed by a big hug.

I wouldn't threaten this as punishment again in the future though.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going back on what you yourself consider to be an unfair punishment. Apologising for overreacting is what we do to adults so why don't we afford children the same treatment? I'm a firm believer in raising your child to be the adult you'd like them to become and I think you modelling admitting when you've done wrong is a very good example to set.

She's clearly having a hard time not trying to give you a hard time. Go easy on her and try to get to the root of the issue. When kids or adults are struggling they respond better to kindness than anything else and it doesn't make you a pushover to not stand firm for the sake of it. I know Friday evening has come and gone but maybe this might be helpful for the future.

It sounds like an early night isn't such a bad thing.

I’ll prob still push for an early night

She's 5. You decide what time she's going to bed. It's not a negotiation that you have to push for.

Have a feeling we will never know.....

Well I collected her from school and walking through the playground she said “games night tonight, I’m staying up late” and I said we needed to have a little chat and straight away she started to act up, dropped her bookbag, called me mean and ran off.
When we got in we had a chat about her behaviour and I explained that I thought she was tired so there’d be no late night but we could still do something nice to try to make her feel better.
So we made a banana loaf and talked about her week (no new worries, no idea what’s causing the behaviour)
We had a nice tea, but early, and then she went into grumpy mode again. But she solved it all herself.
After tea she grumped about, being difficult and whiny, then piped up “mummy, I want to go to bed”. So I took her up and read 2 stories and she was out for the count. By 7.00.
Tired girl.
I won’t see her at all tomorrow as I’m working, leaving at 6:45, home at 9pm. So I’m pleased to have had an ok evening.
Thank you all for advice.

Sounds like you did really well, OP. Glad you had an okay night and hope she feels better soon.

Awh, she was clearly knackered.

I'm 31 and can be a right grumpy shite when I'm tired.

A relaxed day tomorrow and another early night is probably what she needs.

You handled it really well OP.
Like Glenda, I can be a right moody cow when I’m tired but, being an adult, I do my best to keep myself to myself, if I was 5 I’d have a right tantrum and be really short tempered with everyone.

You handled it really well.

Well done!

I was going to say she could probably do with an early night. Sounds like she needed it.

Meant to also say well done.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to let a 5 yo stay up so.late after a long week at school anyway.

No wonder she is tired and tantrums

I was flat out after a week at work by 9pm last night and I'm an adult

Spot on @MeAndHimAndHer you can’t just hand things back to her but you talked and did the right thing.
Hope you get to spend time with her tomorrow.

If you're setting boundaries, then why wouldn't you stick to them? She needs to learn consequences so if you don't enforce the early night rule then why make it? You've worked through the usual suspects, hunger, tiredness, etc so I would say next time stick to your guns.

DS (6) was given a warning about having a hissy fit and slamming doors while huffing out of the room. Yesterday he lost at a game and went to slam out of the room. Door closed fast, then a gentle turn of the handle to shut the door, and huffed up to his bedroom. Boundaries work.

This time of the year, kids are often more tired because of the usually succession of colds and illnesses, and a long tiring school day, winter weather etc. It's coming up to half term so if she is much better after the holiday, it's probably just this general weariness we all feel this time of the year.

I think that was a good result. There was a consequence that directly addressed the root cause of some of the problems. So you didn’t have to back down but your DD doesn’t feel harshly treated.

Brilliantly handled! She tested your resolve, you held firm, followed through, introduced a different, companionable activity and got her settled Sealy. She knows you mean what you say, she knows she's loved and cherished, you know you're in charge and being a great parent.

Result!

Think hard about threats and sanctions and never utter what you won't follow through!