AIBU to wish I hadn’t taken away Friday night from dd5?

[MeAndHimAndHer]

DD, 5, is usually fairly well behaved and compliant. For the past three days she has been horrible: really cheeky, rude, demanding, whiny. She’s been acting as though she’s really tired and hungry when she’s neither!
This morning she refused every step of getting ready for school, to the point of full on tantrumming. In the midst of all this, when she had calmed after an outburst over teeth cleaning, I told her that any more of that behaviour this morning and Friday night would be cancelled.
She looks forward all week to staying up late, playing board games, having a treaty late tea.
Anyway there was more shitty behaviour, lots of it, and I said more than once, that she would be having an early night tonight with none of the above.
Now it’s nearly time to collect her and 1. I feel guilty that she’s made it to the end of a difficult week with no Friday joy and 2. My evening is going to be horrendous as she will be so upset and her behaviour will no doubt continue the same as no reason not to, so bedtime will likely start early and take hours with more screaming and tantrums.
I have to carry through though, don’t I?

I'd let her change it back. To be honest what you're describing doesn't sound like deliberately bad behaviour, she's obviously got something going on (tiredness, stress from school, bug coming on). She needs help with her feelings not a delayed punishment.

She sounds as if she'd sickening for something, so an early night might be inevitable! BUT never make an empty threat or you'll lose all credibility.

She has to 'lose' her expected Friday, but can you build her a nice alternative with different but not better activities, just to show that you love her bit you mean business about the behaviour?

You could say it can't be a regular Friday because she behaved so badly but you can do x and y together instead and she can think about how to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I'm beginning to see how society is ending up with so many spoiled, entitled, ill-behaved kids and young people, if parents think it's perfectly fine to reward bad behaviour with a fun evening full of treats. (I don't mean you OP, I mean others on the thread.)

Maybe she is coming down with something - I know others have said this but it was true with DS when he was little.

But a punishment is a punishment and you can’t really roll it back.

I'd fully through but kindly.

Agree with the others, you need to follow through but it doesn't need to be harsh. Just scaled back with normal bedtime, normal dinner and you can do the other stuff like lots of sofa cuddles etc.

Fgs don't backtrack now or tell your DD you're sorry and over reacted that is awful advice! Your DD needs clear, consistent rules. Not confusing, arbitrary and whimsical rules.

(My mother used to pull that type of shit on me, and looking back it was really damaging, I never knew what I'd done to earn being in her good books Vs bad ones, it seemed so random to a small child. Stressful and made for an anxious child. Rules need to be clear and fair above all.)

I’m in the ‘let it go’ camp- explain that you were both tired and frazzled and apologise and move on- and enjoy your Friday!

5 year olds need immediate consequences, children do need boundaries and rules but withholding your special time later on in the day is not an effective way to do it, and some of the posters on here have some real issues with control and power.

OP enjoy your Friday with your DD.

I agree, you have to follow through. It isn’t being draconian or harsh at all, it is setting boundaries.

Follow it through. You reminded her several times of the consequences of her behaviour, it wasn't a one off, so you have to. However you could explain to her that if she's good tonight, you'll do [something that's a treat for her] tomorrow.

and some of the posters on here have some real issues with control and power.

Agree.

I personally followed through on every 'threat'I made.
I don't regret it but I learned very quickly to make the consequence reasonable, appropriate and relevant.

In your case if it is, as others have suggested she is tired, overwhelmed, January blues, whatever then there is no harm in not doing the activities
If she does have screaming tantrums I would be telling her there will be another consequence if she doesnt stop.She's too old for tantrums at 5.

I don't get this 'earning back'. You have told her what will happen if she does something, she's carried on doing it so you have removed the fun thing as you said. So what people are saying is that if she is ' good' again, she gets it back.

I know people are saying 'Awww she's only 5' but if you had that approach when would you start putting boundaries in place? You are going to have to introduce them at some point and the longer you leave it or the older she gets the bigger the shock it will be to her and the more resistance you will get. By not having the fun evening is hardly being cruel to her.

Can’t believe all the people here who don’t follow through on discipline. The number one reason most of the twatty kids are like that

Follow through.

You told her that her behaviour wasn't acceptable and she needed to change it. She was made aware of the repercussions of not doing so and she carried on regardless.

She needs to know that you mean what you say and that her choices have consequences. Nothing worse than empty threats.

I’d let her earn some of it back with good behaviour but she needs to miss part of it for the consequence and sounds like she also needs an early night

Maybe it's working for them and their kids aren't "twats"? 🤷‍♀️

She’s under ELSA for anxiety? Yeah, some posters won’t understand how different that type of personality is and how to handle it (or not). Don’t make it worse for her - she needs your support.

You are doing it perfectly. Your daughter has been playing you up so the are consequences. You warned her a number of times so she had a chance to behave. No treats and early night then hopefully the following week will be better. At the end of the day you are being a parent and guiding her x

Folllow it through fgs you'll be doing yourself a favour in the long run and be able to enjoy lots more Friday nights with decent behaviour from her. Otherwise it becomes something you resent but you've always done it and you feel bad cancelling.

Trust me I'm the owner of a 17 year old I always felt sorry for and let him 'win back' things and he's a total arsehole with no respect for me.

If she's behaving like that, there's a reason for it. She's not being bold, out of the blue, without cause. Try your best to find out what's troubling her. Treat her with kindness. Talk to her. Enjoy your evening together.

Follow through OP. It's only one Friday.

Not all.kids are the same, so they don't need to be treated the same. It isn't rocket science. My #1 and #2 definitely didn't need this sort of punishment. #3 may, he's a different kettle of fish.

She needs an early night so stick to that part and do a normal tea, but play the board game as quality family time shouldn't be a treat that can be taken away.

Follow through.

She will learn, and you’ll never have to cancel it again. If you give in then next time she misbehaves and you make a threat she will know you don’t mean it.

Life it too short - is it all not forgotten about now anyway? Both enjoy yourselves.

I'm ok with pulling back punishments if you've over-reacted but I wouldn't in this case. She sounds shattered so I think it makes much more sense to stick to your plan of no treats, no late night. I'd give her an early tea, quick bath and bed. It seems as though she needs it.