kids sports coach advertising as prostitute and ex porn star under same name

[UGotTheLook]

AIBU? A local sports club gives great coaching for kids. But in the last few months a new coach started training the U13 girls. Some girls found the new coach creepy so have stopped going. I only found out about this after another girl googled the sports coach. The top Google searches under the coach's name are about them being an ex porn star and current prostitute who enjoys lots of unprotected sex with multiple clients (exact phrasing is too graphic for here). Top search results on other search engines are pornographic photographs and videos.

This is making me uncomfortable. While I think that people should have a private life, this coach is not keeping it private by having various explicit social media pages and porn videos using the same name that they coach under. Coupled with this, some of the girls were already uncomfortable with the coach before they knew this.

The club chair is an ex policeman and "safeguarding consultant", so there will have been a process, it's just that this coach passed.

Any thoughts?

i think the fact that this person isn't covering up their online presence demonstrates how very entitled they feel- have you seen the family guy clip where the barman asks the "lady" at the bar not to look at porn so openly on their phone as it might upset others- said lady replies "oh, it's ok, i'm trans" barman: "well in that case, do what you like, when you like" i'm getting that vibe here.

Most teachers I know (and scout leader types) have either locked their social media right down or have them under false names. Just to keep that professionalism and private life separate.

To be so “out there” with real names etc is a red flag surely?

Not sure why there was a need to google the coach.

Being a sex worker is not illegal. A DBS check looks at your criminal record, not your employment.

The porn/sexy work needs to either cease or be reframed so as not to cross over to the coaching role. Very odd that a sex/porn worker would need to work as a coach in light of their more lucrative career.

I hope you’re very sure it is the same person before raising this.

Not sure why there was a need to google the coach.

Current day teens google everyone and anyone. If you don’t have an internet presence you aren’t real to them 😂

Presume the coach is a volunteer, as so many of us who run sports teams/scout troops/theatre clubs/youth choirs are.

I thought this too. It's really surprising that she uses her actual name for it.

Or she decided to use her porn stage name for her work coaching children - which would definitely make the safeguarding concerns ten times worse.

Does IMdb represent porn stars?

"Current day teens google everyone and anyone. If you don’t have an internet presence you aren’t real to them 😂*"
*
And especially if they've found the coach a little odd. Chances are they've already found this person online and the children & their parents have come to the same assumption as you OP.

I've been thinking about this this afternoon. It's where lies the hesitance to bring up safeguarding issues if it's a trans person we are challenging. Esp in the light of the recent 'cancellations' over the last few days. Please OP contact Safe Schools Alliance - they will help you write a response which is legally correct.

I really thought soliciting was illegal - one of those things that of course goes on but could lead to arrest should the police take an interest...

I know it's not the point of the thread but has this never been true or did the law change?

Yanbu! I'm going to sound judgy but I'd certainly not want my child being taught by this individual.

Bunnyfuller Fri 31-Jan-20 16:02:28
Not sure why there was a need to google the coach.

Have you ever met a group of teenagers? Of course they will google someone in such circumstances.
And if they are going home to their parents expressing their concerns about an individual then its highly like their parents will google them too.

I'm surprised those employing the coach hasn't googled them beforehand too tbh.

@Nofunkingworriesmate

See the Harry Miller judicial review. Police are currently recording "hate incidents", which seem to be solely based on the "victim's" say-so, as part of the DBS records. The results of the judicial review will affect us all.

Don't contact the NSPCC, whatever you do. But yes to Safe School Alliance.

We've talked about what's appropriate and when they need to get help, and how you should trust your instincts and be careful, but that you mustn't gossip or be nasty about people just because they're different, and that most people aren't dangerous

I 100% agree

I’m surprised that your parental control software didn’t prevent access to this website; even if she’d changed her name there are still several billion websites a 10yo girl shouldn’t see.

The fact that’s she’s a sex worker is irrelevant in itself but obviously there should be a solid wall between this life and coaching.

As others have said, ‘a bit creepy’ is so vague and often used as othering so I’d keep Any complaint to the factual bit about google.

But do be careful about dropping fellow parents in it. If others are encouraging their kids to go googling unsupervised without suitable parental protection software, this in itself could be seen as abusive. (I know of someone who allowed a kid to use their phone, the kid of course googled rude words and the parent accused him of abuse - allowing access to porn can be seen as such)

It’s been a long time since adults and children were allowed to change together, and at least 2 adults must be present. Breach of that would be a safeguarding issue.

It should be enough that the children find the coach creepy. They feel that for a reason. Read The Gift of Fear.

@maartjebaabes

“The fact that’s she’s a sex worker is irrelevant in itself”

Gaslighting much. You’re joking, right? A him/her/she sex-worker, and “being creepy to girls” isn’t irrelevant? Don’t report creepiness? Don’t involve other parents whose kids have dropped out of the club?!

“I’m surprised that your parental control software didn’t prevent access to this website; even if she’d changed her name there are still several billion websites a 10yo girl shouldn’t see.”

If you have teens, you’d know that they have ways to circumvent parental controls. Just use the kid’s phone next to them who’ve given in, given up (that’s another thread).

Seriously - I wonder what agenda you have. It’s clearly not safe-guarding.

@op - sorry this thread has derailed a bit. A lot of Mums obvs angry about trans taking precedence over girls' rights

@Safeguarding202
Just wow! Gaslighting and agendas?

Your name implies you have a role in safeguarding. Is this true?

Do you think being “a bit creepy” is sufficient to make a formal complaint? I was suggesting that she reports the actual issue being the website not the unprovable hearsay which would make it look like a personal vendetta. If you disagree do you think ‘being a bit creepy’ is on its own enough to get her on a register?

Yes I have teens who have circumvented parental controls. But of course they did it clandestinely not just to google their teachers. I still think, without Affecting the complaint itself, that the OP and friends should wonder why 13-year-olds do not have any such protection or have all circumvented it so easily. Paragraph

If you are genuinely involved in safeguarding, what would you say to a parent or other responsible adult who knowingly encourages their child to google porn? Why is mentioning this gaslighting?

And yes, I still think that the private life of a coach/teacher is utterly irrelevant in itself, so long as it is totally isolated from the kids and does not affect them. Safeguarding is about keeping the kids safe hence the name, not being the moral police against those whose choices you dislike.

It does have a smattering of Rotherham scandal about it if the reason not to report is down to being concerned with being perceived as a bigot.

Yep, you’ll find it’s all about the trans now.

Which if I’m honest, is probably where the whole ‘creepy’ came from. ‘Doesn’t pass’ is a comment meaning the coach didn’t need to say ‘I’m TG’ but you’ve all sussed it and then the googling and finding reasons for it not to be ok start.

Obviously I would be horrified at my child being coached if I felt there could be a safeguarding issue. But I also have parental controls in place for my 2 teen girls which means that kind of shit doesn’t appear, unless they work fucking hard to find it.

Fill your boots, OP. You’ll get all kinds of validation from a particular viewpoint on MN. They’re v loud and they’ll eagerly support you.

If you have found porn/sex worker sites with the coach on them, why not address this direct? I’m guessing a whispering campaign is far better, and hope someone else does the deed.

How many other coaches/teachers do you google? And how many do know aren’t involved in similar or maybe dogging or swinging or even child abuse, they just haven’t been caught.

DBS only gives you the ones who have been caught. It doesn’t give you the innocent seeming parents you’re happy for your children to go to for sleepovers.

Sex offenders are WAY more devious than having a website with their own name on it ffs.

There is no way I would be delivering my child to a coach, or any adult, who they found creepy, when so young. Especially not for an activity like running where they are out of sight of adults some of the time.

I would listen to the child, validate their feelings, and remove them from the club.

Or the next time, they might not voice their feeling.

My DD swims. Absolutely NOT is the coach allowed to change where the children do. If your coach is doing this, it is a clear safe-guarding breach, whatever sex or gender they are or claim to be.

When I was young, we all had male teachers we found creepy. All 4 now convicted paedophiles. Don't ignore their feelings. Their instincts are screaming at them that this person isn't safe. They need to learn to trust their instinct so they can listen to it later in life when it is important.

I would be LIVID if my DD's coach's name in google resulted in hardcore porn. Or even 18+ images. I do NOT want that in any way, shape or form to be any sort of influence or aspiration for my DD.
DD frequently says, they'd like to achieve x like x coach did. Of course they've looked them up online. ImBd is hardly going to be blocked by an adult content filter.

How many other coaches/teachers do you google?

All of them. I also googled the person who was going to interview me for a job and my new boss and work colleagues. If people put it out there online it's available for anyone to see. The coach is not a suitable person to be working with children who rely on adults to have appropriate boundaries.

Absolutely agree with glitterfarts

@Bunnyfuller I'm astonished at your attacks on me. You're right, we don't have childblockers on our computers / their phones any more. I don't see the point. They are subjected to it anyway at school, and are clever enough to get around it if they really want to. We do have good relationships with them, and I believe that they are as open with us as any child is to their parents. I also insist on having every password, computers are in the living room, and no phones in bedrooms overnight. We cannot control them, we just have to bring them up the best we can and give them the tools to exist in the world, and the knowledge that we are absolutely there for them to talk things over and help out no matter what.

I actually do not google teachers. I don't know why you think I do. All the children have though, and this is my concern.

I have not engaged in any whispering campaign, nor would I. I have not published the coach's name. I have asked one mumsnetter who has experience in this issue to take a quick look, and she shares my concerns and has given me advice on what she would do. I have listened to the other more general advice.

I strongly believe that people have a right to a private life. I don't think soliciting on social media in such a way that literally the top result on your name on google (with the safe search ON) is one click away from a page where you talk particularly graphic about what are pretty extreme sex acts is keeping things private.

I am not going to go to the coach directly because my relationship is not with the coach, but with the club. It would be grossly inappropriate for me to approach the coach.

I knew that the girls were being coached by a transwoman, but I only became concerned when I learned the girls were unhappy and that the extreme porn is circulating around the children. I am not "filling my boots" with anything. It's all very upsetting, and I wish I did not have to have some unpleasant conversations this weekend.

Unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable no matter who is doing it. I am sorry if transpeople face unpleasantness or unfair discrimination. But that doesn't give a free pass for anything they do.

OP very good post.

The idea that you are enjoying this distressing situation is really horrible.

I googled my former gymnastics coach because I felt uncomfortable about him. We didn't have google at the time so this was many years later when I was an adult. Found out he'd been imprisoned for inappropriate sexual behaviour with young girls.

Googling someone is fairly standard especially if you want to find out more about them to satisfy/ dismiss intuition.

OP great post. Well done for looking after your kids and having the kind of relationship where they can come to you when they are worried about something like this. Alarm bells are going off for them, and that's exactly as it should be. If this coach was selling sex and porn and coaching adults, it would be a completely different story. I would be very angry that this coach was put in charge of children. It's as if All the lessons of the past were never learnt. It's "grooming" to ask the kids to think that "my coach's dick shots are OK". No. Never. Good luck.