kids sports coach advertising as prostitute and ex porn star under same name

[UGotTheLook]

AIBU? A local sports club gives great coaching for kids. But in the last few months a new coach started training the U13 girls. Some girls found the new coach creepy so have stopped going. I only found out about this after another girl googled the sports coach. The top Google searches under the coach's name are about them being an ex porn star and current prostitute who enjoys lots of unprotected sex with multiple clients (exact phrasing is too graphic for here). Top search results on other search engines are pornographic photographs and videos.

This is making me uncomfortable. While I think that people should have a private life, this coach is not keeping it private by having various explicit social media pages and porn videos using the same name that they coach under. Coupled with this, some of the girls were already uncomfortable with the coach before they knew this.

The club chair is an ex policeman and "safeguarding consultant", so there will have been a process, it's just that this coach passed.

Any thoughts?

Dragonembroidery good advice. I think it's crazy we are all so scared to speak up but I also think people power is important. Vote with their feet.

Yes, the person being trans has nothing to do with it, but it does mean it will take some care to avoid that coming into play.

For example, personally I would consider the kids finding them 'creepy' to be a warning flag. But any mention of them being 'creepy' in any complaint and I'm 100% sure the discrimination card would be played in response. So I don't think you can bring that into it.

Being an active, advertising prostitute with a porn history, both under their current name is the problem.

This is from the FA safeguarding guide (I’m assuming you are England based)
Any adult or young person with concerns about a colleague can also use whistle-blowing by contacting The FA’s safeguarding team on 0800 169 1863 Extension 6300 or 6400 or via email on [email protected]

I’m a coach as well, so if you’re not England based or want any help drop me a message

If the sports centre try and make it about this person being trans then they are at fault. Just be clear it is about their porn and sex work, not their gender identity. If the centre bring this in then they are muddying the waters.

@italiangreyhound all good points. The safeguarding lead is Mr Safeguarding for the local council, is a safeguarding consultant, chair of school governors etc. The coach is midly inappropriate in tone (according to the girls), and I think you'd have to be very incurious not to have done a little digging around her.

I know I might seem being overly cautious about being called a bigot, but the mere allegation of a hate crime means a hate indicident is lodged against a person and then I would not pass my DBS check for my work.

You're right, I need to do something. On principle I do not want to do this anonymously, I think that's horrid as the coach is a person too and must not be made to think that people are out to get her. But I am honestly scared.

I do not think that the coach will do anything directly harmful, I have no reason to think that she is a predator. But I don't want very young girls being exposed to the sort of stuff they have been.

I assumed from your op that the coach was a woman and was coming on to say that you should complain before I spotted your update. The sex of the coach is irrelevant imo, it is very foolish of them to have graphic material available online in their own name if they want to work with children.

@rockinmum Thanks. I will PM you.

Can you say more about the incidents which the pupils have found creepy?

Am asking because we sometimes find things creepy that don’t feel natural (ask Freud on this) and so is it just that they are freaked out by the coach being trans, or has she done something she shouldn’t have?

Does this coach ever change alongside the girls ?
I would remove my daughters and complain on safeguarding issues. Also mentioning changing rooms and loos.
No way on earth would I let my children be in a class where the coach was into porn and prostitution.

Could you do it anonymously? By printing off the search results and posting them to the sports club?
They absolutely need to be made aware of this.

UGotTheLook do it anonymously if you like. Yes, they are a person too, but so are you!

If you feel happier doing it anonymously then do that.

Why the fuck should you be scared to bring quite legitimate concerns about your own child! It's frankly shocking we are all so scared and tiptoeing around the situation!

This coach is engaged in working with underage girls despite a very different and openly publicized career in sex work. That is a shock to me.

You are right not to assume they are a predator but I'd also not assume the best of them either. I'd just be neutral, this is quite aside from their trans status.

"The coach is midly inappropriate in tone (according to the girls)" Can you give an example without being outing?

Whats the youngest they teach in the u13s? Because this WILLspread like wildfire amongst the girls and any that access to the internet will look. That would be my main safeguarding concern.

The girls have every right not to go to a class if it makes them feel uncomfortable, or even if it doesn't. Nobody can be compelled to do a class against their will! I feel really sorry these girls having to deal with this at 13 or so. i would have been mortified at that age. If the trans issue comes up remind the centre that one of the club members could be trans (now or in the future). Does that change the situation? Of course not. So they should not focus on this aspect but on the safeguarding.

If a 'hate incident' merely being logged as alleged against you would be a problem for work, then I definitely wouldn't get involved under your own name. It's just not worth it.

The club managers need to know the facts, though, so you can always send them an email from a ten-minute-mail service. Just make sure the subject header makes it obvious its not just spam!

On principle it would be nicer just to talk to them, but I don't think you have that luxury. (If a hate incident had to be proven to affect your job, that would be another matter and you'd be fine, but in today's day an age an unfounded allegation is all it can take to end a career).

@Italiangreyhound I can't get to the bottom of why she's creepy. Reading between the lines I think she overemphasising both herself and the girls being female rather than just coaching the sports. The coach doesn't at all pass, so it might just be that the girls feel it's odd and are projecting their discomfort onto the coach and it's entirely unfair on the coach. There is abosolutely no incident that has been told to me that has made me concerned other than this general unease. (I do not discount that feeling, but it is just a feeling at this point)

Are you sure it's the same person? Tread very carefully. We recently employed a 'Bob Smith'. Three years before Bob Smith had been imprisoned for rape, also worked at my firm.

Google or Linked in Search the original Bob Smith + company name he comes up first as he had news hits. New Bob Smith was mortified and had to explain to family, friends and clients.

In the end we had to pay google to remove the Bob Smith news links and new Bob Smith had to become Bob Z Smith across all social media.

The trans issue is unrelated. It doesn't matter their gender or sexual orientation or what they like to get up in their spare time. (I'm using "their" as it's unclear what gender they would prefer to be addressed as from the OPs post).
The issue is that the coach seems to have poor boundaries. Acting in porn films or being a sex worker etc is not in itself "wrong" or even necessarily in itself makes someone not suitable to coach children. But they should not be using the same name for both activities- as you state "another girl googled the coach" and discovered pornographic material. That should be the focus of your concern- not even that they are involved in this stuff, but that is now easily accessible to minors.

@inwood The coach is very distinctive to look at. The photos and videos online are very clearly the same person, and the geographical and biographical information etc is the same. The name is not so very common. I would bet the mortgage on it being the same person.

Just remember Barry Bennell, is all I can say to this.

@pretenditsaplan the youngest I think is 10.

@UGotTheLook

Being trans is absolutely nothing to do with the fact that underage children were able to access pornographic material and websites by simply ‘googling’ the name of their sports coach.

Safeguarding alarm bells sirens flashing lights going off everywhere.

Gender/sex/identify politics should be nothing to do with it.

I would report to the club using your original post. I did wonder why you were so resolutely avoiding mentioning the sex or gender of the coach in question!

I would add in that the coach is openly advertising a particular hardcore fetish that is utterly inappropriate for U13's to encounter online (as if even if the rest wasn't enough).

I would be furious at the safeguarding lead if I discovered that my child was being coached by this person and wouldn't hesitate to raise merry hell about it, although I do appreciate your reticence and what makes this more complicated.

It's got nothing to do with being trans, but about their complete inability to understand appropriate professional behaviour which makes them unsuitable to be around, well, any paying sports coaching clients at all.

This reads like an ethics case study, rather than a real situation.

I think the way to avoid any cries of discrimination is to just be presenting what the girls found and let them make their own minds up rather then inferring anything negative or positive. Your providing easily attained information brought to you by one of the girls.