kids sports coach advertising as prostitute and ex porn star under same name

[UGotTheLook]

AIBU? A local sports club gives great coaching for kids. But in the last few months a new coach started training the U13 girls. Some girls found the new coach creepy so have stopped going. I only found out about this after another girl googled the sports coach. The top Google searches under the coach's name are about them being an ex porn star and current prostitute who enjoys lots of unprotected sex with multiple clients (exact phrasing is too graphic for here). Top search results on other search engines are pornographic photographs and videos.

This is making me uncomfortable. While I think that people should have a private life, this coach is not keeping it private by having various explicit social media pages and porn videos using the same name that they coach under. Coupled with this, some of the girls were already uncomfortable with the coach before they knew this.

The club chair is an ex policeman and "safeguarding consultant", so there will have been a process, it's just that this coach passed.

Any thoughts?

Please do contact the safe schools alliance - give them a call.

I don’t think a history of prostitution or porn should necessarily prevent someone working with kids or teens later on. That kind of thinking keeps women trapped.

However, if it’s very recent or current and evidence is easily found using a simple google search of the name the person is using for coaching then, yes, this is horribly problematic and should be raised with higher ups. It would be perfectly normal for a teen to internet search a sports coach, looking to be inspired by the coaches prior sporting success. It’s not OK for that search to turn up explicit images or videos.

There is a reason most people use stage names for porn, prostitution, stripping etc - to prevent this exact situation!

Meant to say - you can remain anonymous with them

I would feel uncomfortable with a hardcore pornstar who was all over the internet teaching my u13 year old.

I'm not sure how the law sits with it though.... can you work in porn and work with kids separately? I mean it won't sit right with most people but it's not illegal is it?

Maybe the school felt like you and wanted to show their big ethical, anti-discrimination stance by employing her.

I remember being this age and it was the female teachers who always got a rough time in school - loads of accusations of being lesbian and perving on female pupils, especially when it came to gym/sports. It didn't help they stared at us naked in the changing room showers to "make sure we were using them"!- but obviously that was banned in all schools (right after I left school typically!)

I think soliciting and keeping brothels are illegal but not "selling sex" itself. Not sure whether having an internet page comes within the bounds of the law.

Bet it's sissy/domination stuff (I am basing this hunch on certain things that the OP has said).

UGotTheLook "I do think it would be unfair on the coach to be implying that she is a pervert and a predator (which is sort of what the girls in the class all think) if she isn't, and she's behaving in a perfectly acceptable way, but as a transwoman."

Of course, I honestly don't want you to imply anything that is not true!

I said be neutral. You are not accusing her of anything other than the facts, which you see as a problem.

"I know how cruel girls that age can be." Again, yes, they can but also some are not. Let's not tar all teenage girls with the same brush. you don't need to connect the dots for the centre and imply that the girls are all horrible and are picking on this poor coach. Just present the facts.

"That said, if I was in the coach's place I wouldn't put the girls in that position." Neither would I. At the end of the day the girls are being taken to the group by parents and may not be choosing to attend. The coach is choosing to volunteer or work here. The coach is the one with the explicit work life and safe guarding is about the vulnerable.

Must go to work now. All the best, please let us know how it all works out.

There is a reason most people use stage names for porn, prostitution, stripping etc - to prevent this exact situation!

I thought this too. It's really surprising that she uses her actual name for it. It'll show up when all future employers google her, or literally anyone searches for her

Maybe she's proud of it though, it's not illegal and shouldn't stop her doing anything else she wants to do.

"Maybe she's proud of it though, it's not illegal and shouldn't stop her doing anything else she wants to do." Surely that's for the safeguarding team to decide.

And indeed, for the girls and their parents.

This won’t remain a secret, people talk!

2 more points about safeguarding:

• You don't have to know, or be sure, or be right, to raise a concern - that's kind of the point. Raising a concern doesn't mean the person necessarily faces any action, much less that they will automatically be removed (it may be investigated and found to need no further action, or just some education on appropriate behaviour and boundaries, for example). But the issue is that if everyone waits until they are sure, the damage may already be done (as has been seen in plenty of cases in the past).

• The other thing that safeguarding experts have learned is that nobody can be above suspicion. The sweetest, most charming, most involved and expert people, the most dedicated volunteers, the most harmless-seeming elderly grandfather types, the most devout priests who've given their lives to the church can all turn out to be dodgy. So this should never be a reason not to report, if you have a concern about someone.

Don’t bother contacting the NSPCC, they thought it was acceptable for one of their own employees to make pornographic videos and post them all over his own social media.

Another vote for contacting Safe Schools Alliance from me.

If this person is involved in sissy porn, and is “overemphasising” being a “girl” with ten year old girls, while actually being a fifty something male, then I think the word pervert is pretty appropriate, along with the word fetishist.
I also wonder why you are using “she” as the pronoun, when the coach says online that he is male, or “she-male”, a term for someone with the full set of male equipment.
You seem to be bending over backwards to be kind to the coach. I would not care one jot about the feelings of some pornstruck male who like to dress as a little girl. I would only care about the feelings of the actual girls coerced into shoring up his fantasy.

bloody hell ahagwearsapointybonnet this with bells on! I watched the documentary about abuse in the C of E (I am Christian and C of E) and it was awful how people assumed no abuse because the man in question was such a saint and so amazing and all the time he was abusing.

Safeguarding should be there before anything happens, ideally.

Is sex work legal in the UK? I thought not?

I don't know if sex work in itself is illegal. Brothels are illegal. Soliciting is illegal. Pimping is illegal. But accepting or offering money for sex, AFAIK, is within the bunds of the law.

Maybe she's proud of it though, it's not illegal and shouldn't stop her doing anything else she wants to do.

Obviously the coach can do what she wants to do. But she should not be putting children in the position where googling her name for sports purposes brings up adult material. That is a concern.

Just to be fair, I only suggested the possibility of sissy porn based on a hunch---who knows what kind of porn this is.

Either way, I think it's reasonable that people engaged in teaching young people should not be engaged in commercial sex of any kind. Apart from the ethical issues, they are putting themselves at risk from diseases and from unsavory or dangerous men who may be hanging about in their lives, and I don't think children should be potentially wrapped up in this.

Not keeping those two aspects of life completely separate suggests a serious lack of judgement and a disregard for the safeguarding of the children in the sports club.

It’s such a severe lack of judgement that I find myself questioning as to whether this person is doing it on purpose and they are getting something out of the likelihood that these girls and their parents will view this explicit material.

The thing is the trans status is an extra conflicting issue, as this is a situation where Barracker's pronouns are rohypnol applies.

Phone the NSPCC, I wonder if they'd react differently to it being a male porn star or a female porn star? Neither is appropriate but a male is statistically more likely to sexually offend.

Do female coaches access changing rooms of young teens? Do male coaches?

Don't phone the NSPCC.

Right, so this could lead to a strike from HQ but here goes ... in most cases in say a changing room, we will always recognise a transwoman as such, I.e not biologically the same as us. We've been fine tuned since the year dot to recognise the male form, it's necessary for survival. So evolutionary if you like.

When you say DD finds this person creepy do they have to spend time with them in changing rooms? If so could it just be that sense kicking in and recognising a natal male is in a place segregated by law. As for the sex work, I agree this person has boundary issues. To not separate this work from working with kids is wrong.

If you add these together it sounds to me like a person compelling (and possible enjoying so) young girls to validate their identity regardless of how uncomfortable these girls are made to feel.

And agree with Cavemum ... literally the last organisation I would trust with this now.

And for the record if this wasn't a trans person but a sex worker I would still be raising this as a safe guarding concern.

The job of a children’s coach isn’t just to coach the sport. Especially with tweens and young teens, the coach is there to be a role-model. Our local running club makes it explicitly clear it is meant to be a character building activity as much as it is to support physical fitness.

I don’t personally believe a prostitute should be serving as a role-model, but will concede that some people don’t see a conflict. However, anyone actively broadcasting about having unprotected sex is not a role model.

The coach is also putting herself in a vulnerable position by having such a full on and explicit online presence. We are always told in our safeguarding training that we should be extremely alert to what our online presence gives away about us, and preferably not to have an open access online presence that students can access.

Yes indeed @Babamamananarama, everyone I know that works with children goes to great lengths to separate their online presence from the young people involved. The fact that the coach has gone in the opposite direction raises a red flag of AGP

It is astonishing to think that a basic DBS wouldn't pick this up, but it actually wouldn't. I wouldn't assume the safeguarding lead knows, or if he does, he may not have the full picture (used to be a sex worker, sex work is work, turned my life around)

I think you have to report. Your club will have a ruling body with a whistleblowing system if you feel you can't do it personally.

Difficult OP but your only concern should be about your daughter and her peers. This person will have access to multitudes of well funded support groups to argue their case about whether openly selling sex and promoting porn is inconsistent with coaching and being a role model for children. You (and most parents) only have to consider the safety and wellbeing of your children That is all.
Safeguarding trumps adult sexual fetishes and wishes every time. Please report - screen capture links now that there can be no hiding the truth.