kids sports coach advertising as prostitute and ex porn star under same name

[UGotTheLook]

AIBU? A local sports club gives great coaching for kids. But in the last few months a new coach started training the U13 girls. Some girls found the new coach creepy so have stopped going. I only found out about this after another girl googled the sports coach. The top Google searches under the coach's name are about them being an ex porn star and current prostitute who enjoys lots of unprotected sex with multiple clients (exact phrasing is too graphic for here). Top search results on other search engines are pornographic photographs and videos.

This is making me uncomfortable. While I think that people should have a private life, this coach is not keeping it private by having various explicit social media pages and porn videos using the same name that they coach under. Coupled with this, some of the girls were already uncomfortable with the coach before they knew this.

The club chair is an ex policeman and "safeguarding consultant", so there will have been a process, it's just that this coach passed.

Any thoughts?

Why did they feel he was creepy otherwise?

I would consider anonymously alerting the local media. This would alert other parents and the sports centre itself. Quietly withdraw your child in a few weeks when the news hits and blame that if asked.

@fourstarsshine doesn't it though? I would happily send evidence to a MumsNet representative if required, but I will not publish the name of the club or coach online for the privacy of all involved. The situation is so much harder when the person whose behaviour you are concerned about is quite realistically a good minded volunteer whojust wants to help young girls enjoy the same sport as she does. The coach def is a runner - I have seen her at local running events I've attended for a few years.

I would want to know whether the coach is using/entering changing or toilet facilities with the girls at any point (particularly given the "all girls together"-type comments, which suggest to me that if not already doing so, this may be preparing the ground for them to). If so I would consider this a massive red flag, especially when combined with the other things; totally out of order for a male-bodied person, in a position of trust and authority, to be using these facilities alongside females they are teaching, regardless how they identify or what their legal status is. (Bear in mind also that as I understand it, teachers are not meant to use the same toilets as their students even of the same sex, hence schools usually have separate staff and pupils' facilities).

But even if not, I think what you have mentioned is already enough to raise safeguarding concerns.

oh sorry the last few comments hadnt loaded

Dbs and safeguarding is about what risks a person is to children, having a hobby or former career which we find sordid or distasteful doesn't make them a threat to children which means that they will pass. I share your concerns but due process and equality legislation may mean that sacking is discrimination as they haven't broken the law

Why is it “unfair on the coach” that the girls feel discomfort at the disconnection between the reality and what they are being told they should believe ? They know this is a male person, they are being told it is a female person. Gaslighting. I would say this is very unfair on the children, rather than the coach.

DBS check just means they have never been criminally convicted, doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t dodgy. I wouldn’t personally want a former pornstar and current prostitute teaching my kids, no. With sports it’s always weirder if they have to get changed in front of the coaches too so have to be even more precautious.

@OP I know this isn't a school situation, but you might want to contact Safe Schools Alliance on how to approach this. Girls are still a protected sex under the Equality Act 2010; and have a right to speak up if they feel their boundaries are being threatened / the coach is being creepy. They are excellent safeguarding professionals;. They have I think some templates on how to handle things sensitively. safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

@patroclus I haven't been able to get to the bottom of this. From reading between the lines there might be a slight overexaggeration of the (50 year old!) coach and kids being girls sometimes. But it might well be that the girls are simply unhappy being around a transwoman who very much doesn't pass,or not being sure of how to behave around people like that.

I do not believe in minimising fears (or exaggerating them) when children feel uncomfortable around adults. I think it's a healthy response that they will need to remove themselves from dangerous situations as young women. We've talked about what's appropriate and when they need to get help, and how you should trust your instincts and be careful, but that you mustn't gossip or be nasty about people just because they're different, and that most people aren't dangerous.

It's not appropriate for any adult that works with children to be involved in porn and prostitution. That's it. Take what you've discovered to the club.

I think Pretenditsaplan's suggestion is a good one. I do think that you need to try and raise your concerns. Pointing out that the club would probably rather not be associated with the coaches other pastimes and that a number of parents have already removed their children for this very reason.

There's no reason to think this teacher is necessarily a danger to the students. However, there does seem to be a total lack of judgement and, given the working with children aspect, it would be better if their 'raunchier' online persona was different and totally detatched from their professional name.

You could say that the coach is good and you have no problem with her working at the club but you do feel very uncomfortable about the blurring of boundaries.

I'm sure that if the coach taught in a school, then their openess on social media and the obvious connection between their professional life and online persona would be deemed professional misconduct.

DBS may be about past criminal activities/reports, but it seems to me that a large part of safeguarding is about behaviour - even in the absence of any known criminal activity, there needs to be awareness of what is appropriate and safe behaviour for an adult in a position of responsibility with children. I would strongly argue that having this sort of material readily available online (including to the children) is not appropriate behaviour for someone in this position, and it also sounds as though their behaviour with the girls may possibly have been inappropriate or verging on it, though that is more difficult to determine as we don't have the full information. So although we obviously can't make a full judgement on here and of course it's not our job to, it certainly sounds as though there are enough red flags to be worth reporting.

@OP I can see you're feeling uncomfortable about this and I can guess why.. But I think it's really important to let girls know that they should always trust their instinct, and that their boundaries are real and should respected.

And

It's not appropriate for any adult that works with children to be involved in porn and prostitution. That's it. Take what you've discovered to the club.

Whatever your thoughts are on sex work, this is not a person who should be coaching U13 girls.

ugh! this is horrible, so sorry for you and the girls.
the current orwellian climate is such that no wonder you're hesitant to speak out- no-one dare say anything if it concerns "trans" and we end up ignoring our instincts. don't be gaslit by this person, you are in the right, do not make concessions- never before have females been expected to explain and defend any discomfort in this way. i think you've got plenty of ammo due to the fact that they are a prostitute and porn-star, surely??!! in fact it works in your favour- without it the girls' unease would be dismissed as transphobia. so hopefully, no-one can play the trans card. otherwise i guess you all vote with your feet.

"Reading between the lines I think she overemphasising both herself and the girls being female rather than just coaching the sports."

I am sorry to say but I had kind of guessed at that before you said it.

So that aspect of the situation is trans related and to be honest if you mention that aspect of it you will probably get into tricky grounds.

So maybe teaching sports to teenage girls is some sort of validation for her the coach? That is going to make it tricky, because if she was a woman she may well not feel the need to do that at all.

"The coach doesn't at all pass, so it might just be that the girls feel it's odd and are projecting their discomfort onto the coach and it's entirely unfair on the coach."

Exactly how if it unfair on the coach? Surely it is unfair in the girls to have to pretend to believe that their coach was born a girl like them. They are not bringing the issue up, the coach is doing that, The coach is making coaching about herself! But again that is going to get you into a difficult area.

Sadly, you will probably struggle to mention all this because it will be thought of as wrong.

This is why I would approach this anonymously, to be honest you are going to get snared up in this either way, IMHO.

The bottom line is that if the girls feel uncomfortable with this coach they should be empowered to leave the class. They do not even need to stay, and they do not need to say why they do not want to do the class. And again, this is not because the coach is trans. If the coach were a trans man, would this present a problem? If the coach were a trans woman who was not overstepping boundaries, would this be a problem, no. It is this coach who is the problem.

Yo be found guilty ( to fail a DBS you need a conviction) of a hate crime you need to do a lot more that raise a concern, even if you raised a concern maliciously I’d doubt you’d get a conviction for a hate crime you need to do GBH or similar

With safeguarding don’t wait to be sure raise a concern and leave it with people whose job it is to know

I'm assuming no photoshopping is involved? How would you know?

"The situation is so much harder when the person whose behaviour you are concerned about is quite realistically a good minded volunteer whojust wants to help young girls enjoy the same sport as she does. The coach def is a runner - I have seen her at local running events I've attended for a few years."

Personally, I think, if you have concerns, share your concerns. You don't need to emphasize that they are a good person and not a danger, you don't know that. are they a volunteer or are they a paid member of staff/

@italiangreyhound a lot of good points again. I do think it would be unfair on the coach to be implying that she is a pervert and a predator (which is sort of what the girls in the class all think) if she isn't, and she's behaving in a perfectly acceptable way, but as a transwoman. I know how cruel girls that age can be.

That said, if I was in the coach's place I wouldn't put the girls in that position.

Is sex work legal in the UK? I thought not?

@Nanny0gg There are explicit social media accounts going back over a decade. And video. So even if it was a very elaborate hoax it would have had to have started over ten years ago when I don't think that the technology to produce such videos existed. Plus entries on sites like IMDB.

Ok. Thanks everyone for your input. I def don't think I'm being unreasonable now. I will consider how to proceed a little more, but I will def do something. I do not wish to go to the press because it seems a bit witch hunty. But I will try to escalate my concerns.

Call the NSPCC and ask for advice on next steps. This should be flagged.

Don't need to even mention they are trans when asking for advice or when reporting, the information excluding that fact is enough for a parent to be concerned.

Can just use her / she for the avoidance of doubt and accusations of transphobia.

Other people on here can probably advise on any other experts / charities you can call for advice.