To think if DH wants to keep the kids off school he should take care of them?

[ASatisfyingThump]

They've gone to school now, so it's more of a theoretical question, but I'm still really annoyed at DH.

For context, DS2 hasn't been at pre-school this week because he hasn't been sleeping at night. He does this just before any sort of development, and we have been potty training, so I'm not too worried, but I'm also worn out because of lack of sleep and having a tired, cranky 3yo at home all week.

DH promised to sort the kids out this morning so I could catch up on some sleep. At 7.45 he wakes me up to get my opinion - DS2 is still asleep and DS1 is complaining of a tummy ache but no temp or D&V. I told him the DS1 should go to school (if he is actually sick or becomes sick they'll send him home) and since DS2 slept through last night he should go to pre-school. DH spent 20 minutes arguing with me until I said fine, keep them off then. 10 minutes later DS1 is out of bed and absolutely fine and DS2 is wide awake. So now we've had a huge rush to get ready and out of the house, I haven't had the lie in I was supposed to get, and I'm annoyed at DH for ignoring me when I said they should go in. If he'd gotten his way I would have had two completely well kids to look after all day instead of doing what I had planned to do. So AIBU to think that if DH is going to be such a soft touch about the kids staying off school, then he can take the day off work to look after them?

(I will point out I have no issue with the kids staying home if they're genuinely sick/exhausted, but DH really is a soft touch and DS1 knows it. I'm just sick to death of him trying to overrule me when I'm the one that deals with the kids all day every day.)

@AmelieTaylor no I don't know any children. Just signed up to Mumsnet for a laugh

Agree with you 100%

I think it’s unfair to assume his intentions were selfish, but it does seem like he isn’t really getting how knackered you must be, or being very caring towards you.
Basically, he could have let you have your lie-in and kept them off and looked after them rather than taking them in, if he really thought they should stay off. Not ideal, but would have shown he understood you needed that lie-in.

I think as a sahp and with kids out at school preschool part of the day, it's your job to get them ready and your job to look after them when they're off sick
I do get them ready, and I do take care of them when they're sick. I also take care of them after pre-school/school, on the weekends DH works, a large chunk of the weekends he's home, as well as 95% of the housework and all of the cooking. I rarely ask him to step in.

I honestly wouldn't have minded if he'd made the call and kept him off without waking me up. Given that DS1 just got home and is fine it would have been a mistake, but that wouldn't have bothered me. What bothers me is that he didn't feel able to make the decision without my input - to me that just show that he needs to take more of an active role in parenting them rather than stepping back and letting me do it all.

Thanks everyone. You've really helped me get my thoughts straight, and it's nice to know I wasn't being unreasonably annoyed because I was tired. I'm going to talk to him about it when he gets home.

AmelieTaylor no I don't know any children. Just signed up to Mumsnet for a laugh

Well, that makes your posts make a little more sense!

Yes, I did get your sarcasm🙄. Lots of people on Mumsnet don’t have children or anything to do with them. Some SAY they do, but it’s doubtful when you read their posts about children.

@ASatisfyingThump

Or if he ASKS the least he can do us
Bloody well listen! If he’s on Kate starts tomorrow they’re all his, so you can actually SLEEP!

LATE, he better not be on Kate!🤣

@AmelieTaylor I know that kids say they have tummy ache if they want to avoid certain things. That's why I asked how old the child was - to see whether he was old enough to have learnt that trick yet.

After that I also suggested maybe his belly hurt because he hadn't eaten yet.
Obviously mum would know that as she does most mornings but dad might not have considered it as an idea.

That is infantilizing him a bit. A grown man who is capable of holding down a full time job, also has the capability to realise that empty bellies might ache and that kids try it on if they think they can get away with it.
If nothing else, he was a child once himself. I'm sure he remembers that he needed breakfast before school.

He is a lazy fucker and resented you having a kip.

@Aderyn19 we had this conversation this morning bab 👍🏻

We did indeed, GiveHerHellFromUs but here you still are, talking shite

@Aderyn19 not at all. When OP updated to say he wasn't even going to work this morning and woke her up anyway I agreed he was in the wrong.

I was having a separate conversation with @AmelieTaylor following on from something else.

Sorry, didn't know the rules of MN had changed so that you can have exclusive conversations that no other poster is allowed to comment on.

That's not what I'm saying at all but you could at least try to understand the context of said conversation.

I'm not going to argue with you over nothingness. Have a lovely evening x

@TheVanguardSix Wow. This was an absolutely beautiful read:

"It's just a shit time, really. Look, we all adore our kids, but to me, birth to 4 is just such a slog, a beautiful slog, but a slog nonetheless.

Your issue isn't lie ins vs. no lie ins, is he doing enough/too little, etc. etc. etc.
Your issue is that you're both in the trenches with young, tired children going through developmental milestones by the nanosecond (this is wonderful and exhausting) and children aren't always able to accommodate this schedule we live by."

Thosw few paragraphs took me back, and it's so true. My children are now 15, 13, and 10, and I remember those foggy days so well. And I also remember the resentment that so easily built up; OP's post brought it all back. It is so, so tough. These young school age years, where everything is on you if they are at home. But it does get better. Or at least easier. Or maybe just different. It definitely changes as far as the kids are concerned, so - although I would have been ALMIGHTY knarcked if my DP had pulled the same as the OP's, I would really advise not to let the resentment fester. To be open and honest - and if necessary, brutal - in your communication. I honestly believe it's the only thing that's got us though. We married when I was 19, had my first baby at 20, and now here we are three kids and 16 years later, and I can hand on heart say the single thing that I think has had the possibility of killing our relationship over the years is resentment.

And that doesn't mean that I think OP's partner was in the right here; I more mean that I've learned that who is right in any give situation in less important than what we as a couple learn from it. What can be changed so you don't end up feeling like this again?